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Pregnancy

twins at 12 weeks, one not growing

22 replies

198 · 20/06/2008 14:31

Had my 12 week scan, it showed a twin pregnancy. One baby is normal and healthy, one is very small with only a feint heartbeat. Midwife says it will most likely just be reabsorbed and have vanished by next scan. I feel really upset. It feels awful to know one of them is dying inside me. I am crying for the loss, and cant stop hoping it might just be OK. People keep saying well at least youve got the other baby which is very true and I am really glad, but I cant stop feeling sad.I have had no bleeding or signs of miscarriage. Any similar experiences?

OP posts:

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ggglimpopo · 20/06/2008 14:34

I can understand completely how you are feeling.

Bumping for you.

PInkyminkyohnooo · 20/06/2008 14:37

Sorry you are going through this.

bumping for you, too.

Libra1975 · 20/06/2008 14:48

I'm slightly open mouthed about this, I'm not a medical person but surely something like this should be referred to a doctor? How would one just "vanish" at 12 weeks. I would phone up your community midwives and demand a better explanation, at least so you know whats going on.

*hugs for a horrible situation.

lilyloo · 20/06/2008 14:58

So sorry hope someone comes along who can advise.

cmotdibbler · 20/06/2008 15:06

A friend of mine had the same thing - one very healthy baby, and the other very small and weak at 12 weeks. By 16 weeks you could only see one baby on the scan. She didn't have any bleeding etc.

You are perfectly entitled to grieve for the baby that won't make it, and having one healthy one doesn't make up for that.

lavenderbongo · 20/06/2008 15:22

I have a relative that also went through this - she now has a healthy baby boy. However I think - like you - she did grieve for the lost baby.

TheProvincialLady · 20/06/2008 15:28

I am so sorry.

StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2008 15:30

so sorry
the MW sounds callous!
you need to demand to be told more

Libra1975 · 20/06/2008 15:30

I can't believe people can be so insensitive and cruel. Do you have anyone to talk to who would be sympathetic and you could have a cry with?

zephyrcat · 20/06/2008 15:33

Hi, I had the same thing, and there is such a thing as a 'vanishing twin'. I had an early scan which revealed a twin pregnancy and then on my 12 week scan there was no sign of one of them at all, just dd3. I found it quite hard to accept because there was no physical change and I hadn't 'lost' it so for it to just vanish is a strange concept to grasp.

My dd3 is perfect though and is happy and healthy. I do quite often wonder what it would have been like having had them both though.

Have a look online, there is lots of information around which explains exactly what happens.

Neeerly3 · 20/06/2008 15:47

Apparently vanishing twin syndrome is quite common and one twin will be completely gone by the 12 week scan so the expectant mum is none the wiser. Occasionally like in your case, it happens later so you are aware of the twins existance and it makes it very hard.

You have every right to grieve for this baby, for a short time this little being existed and was part of you. For whatever reasons out of your control he or she didn't make it and sometimes, however hard it may be to accept, it may be for the best. Perhaps the baby wasn't viable, or there were serious issues with it's development.

take some time with just you and your partner, perhaps name the little bean and say your goodbyes and then focus on the health and development of the healthy twin.

Take care and thinking of you. xx

PrimulaVeris · 20/06/2008 15:57

I had this too - bit like zephyrcat and almost gone by 12 weeks. I felt I could not tell anyone other than dh and that nobody else would understand. I wish MN existed then. I really do understand how you feel and there is a loss which you just cant explain to people because it doesnt seem like a loss ....

But I had an otherwise completely normal, healthy pregnancy and I have my wonderful ds.

I still think of my other baby from time to time and I've actually just started sobbing now.

I've got to go and blub now before school run!!!

xxxx

orangehead · 20/06/2008 16:03

A friend of mine had this again with no bleeding. Having a healthy baby does not make up for losing a baby, you are entitled to grieve like anyone else losing a baby. at those who suggest so. So sorry you going through this

fiodyl · 20/06/2008 16:18

Full sympathy for you and your loss, but if it is any help I know it is fairly common, only with technology alowing early scans this has been realised, in the past a mother would have never known, which in some ways is better.

I heard an interesting theory once that left-handed people were all once part of a pair of twins, as 'mirror twins' are quite often 1 left and 1 right handed. I don't know how true that is though.

orangehead · 20/06/2008 16:30

dont mean to be funny, but I dont think that is helpful fiodyl. She does know about the twin so not relevent. It doesnt matter how common it is, it is her baby. When I was suffering 2nd mc the doc told me that before pregancies tests women mc all the time and just didnt know, btw I didnt really need test to tell, bad morning sickness and 3 weeks late for period sort of like confirmed it. I felt like smacking him and asking what flipping relevance that had to me

minster · 20/06/2008 16:44

My second pregnancy started as twins, by 14 weeks you could only see one on the scan. Vanishing twins are fairly common but that doesn't mean it's any less of a loss, or that you are any less entitled to feel sad & grieve. It is a very strange feeling to know that one isn't doing well but at the same be happy that the other twin should be fine.

You probably won't bleed or pass anything, the body of the little one gets resorbed into the uterine lining.

I'm really sorry

springerspaniel · 20/06/2008 17:25

Actually orangehead, I had the same information offered when I had a miscarriage and it was some comfort because it reinforced that it was not something that was necessarily going to happen again.

Aarrgghh · 20/06/2008 19:24

Hope you are ok 198 - a lady at work is going through the same. They already a two year little girl and people keep saying remember what you have got - but it doesn't stop your feeling of loss.

LazyLinePainterJane · 20/06/2008 19:48

I can't believe that people still say things like "at least you have the other one"

I am so sorry for your loss.

MrsWeasley · 20/06/2008 19:55

So sorry to hear this 198. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you.

Thinking of you xx

198 · 20/06/2008 21:08

Thanks everyone, a bit of sympathy has made me feel alot better. I think I got the most insensitive comment today. Someone actually said while I was crying it would be hard to have five childre, four would be much easier!!!

OP posts:

orangehead · 20/06/2008 21:54

who said that 198? Thats awful

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