Advice!

[babymomma93]

I'm looking for someone to help me as I don't even know where to turn. I'm 29 weeks pregnant now. I don't get along with my boyfriends family so we don't speak at all. They have photos all over their house of the baby scan photos, and actually have the 3D scan we went for at 16 weeks to find out if he was a boy or girl. They have bought the baby so much stuff and toys that he's not even going to a use for until about 3 years time. They constantly go on about how I'm keeping their grandchild away, he's not due for another two months. They're missing everything like him kicking and moving, when I think that's a thing for me and my boyfriend to experience. Am I going crazy or this the weirdest thing ever? HELP

[Hyland]

... confused
Are they complaining that they are missing out in the baby kicking?

or do you feel they're missing out coz you dont talk!

[babymomma93]

Sorry! I was ranting and I didn't make it clear haha. They are saying they're missing out in the baby kicking...

[SpeakNoWords]

If you don't speak at all to them, how do you know what they're saying?

[babymomma93]

The speak to my boyfriend

[Hyland]

Lol well for me personally I wouldn't want them touching my tummy. That for us is definitely a thing for just you and your partner.

So what else do they think they're missing out on?

Sounds like they want to be living in your pocket and will if you give them the chance.

It is nice they want to have s close bond with the baby. I do however think that comes with having a better relationship with you though.

As you'll be setting the rules.

Otherwise they will just think they can come and do as they please.

Whether that be disturbing a sleeping baby or taking it upon themselves to take baby out.

[SpeakNoWords]

Then tell your boyfriend to stop talking about it, as you don't want to know. I don't know what he thinks he will achieve by mentioning it to you? Unless he thinks you are being unreasonable in not speaking to his family?

[Hyland]

I assume on occasions you do have to socialise with them?

Maybe just mention how you're not a touchy feely type of person when it comes to touching the bump.

And how everyone will have plenty of time for cuddles when little one arrives.

[LondonRoo]

Erm... the only person who I want touching my tummy and feeling the kicks is my partner. This is my first or I'd probably be happy for baby's older sibling to feel. Neither his nor my family have even asked so I do think it's a bit weird that they feel they are missing out on the baby kicking!

It does sound to me like they are saying they want to be involved in the baby's life and there may be advantages for you to have extended family involved like having babysitters, being able to get out by yourselves or having some practical help if you need it.

It also sounds that they're quite overwhelming in how they are going about it? But maybe that's a reflection of them feeling shut out and then you feeling the need to put some distance in place as it feels quite overbearing?

It might be helpful for your boyfriend to have a conversation with them about expectations re contact if that's possible?

Otherwise - do remember, you're the parents so you call the shots!!!

Roo

[babymomma93]

They are very overpowering! My boyfriend doesn't see the issue. And this got way out of hand because his parents constantly put me down when he wasn't there n I felt like I was a getting bullied a bit so I took myself away from the situation, he gives me a hard time because I don't want anything to do with them because he doesn't actually get what the problem is, because his parents lie and twist the story he believes them and doesn't believe a word I say. I don't want anyone touching me and especially when I don't particularly like them.

[SpeakNoWords]

I think you need to sort this out with your boyfriend before the baby arrives as you both need to be supporting each other with a new baby. Things may well get more intense when the baby is here, and if your boyfriend is dismissive of your concerns then that's not good. He needs to believe you and tell his parents to stop any bad behaviour. Can you have a proper conversation with him about this?

[Gooseygoosey12345]

No that's a bit strange! I wouldn't want people touching my bump either, you wouldn't allow them to touch your body if you weren't pregnant! I'd speak to them myself if I were you and just say that you understand if they want to be more involved but there are certain things that cross the line. You're obviously not keeping them away if they have scan pictures! I would point that out and say you're happy to have them involved and would welcome help but it's your body and your baby so it'll be on your terms.