Maternity leave, feeling low adjusting to the change

[Bumbleclat]

I enjoy my job a lot (teacher) and have just gone in ML expecting my first baby soon.

I am not the greatest with change and because I'm so used to my whole identity and joy being wrapped up in my job, I feel like my life is very barren and unfamiliar without it.

I suppose it's like anything, I need to make the effort to meet up with friends for coffee etc and carve out new routines and ways to occupy my time but I just miss being productive.

I find myself feeling a little depressed with no friends of my own age and no family living nearby.

I'm really looking forward to my baby arriving but just feel quite lonely and disconnected from the lovely school community that I'd become a part of.

My mum died of cancer in the summer and I miss her phone calls and getting excited with her, my sister lives in France and is thirty but a perpetual teenager who makes unfathomably poor choices about men, money, friends and work so I won't being seeing her for a while In sure. My dad lives on an island miles away with a partner I've never met and my husband's parents, though lovely, are rather stiff upper lip and don't get close to people really. It's at times like this where I feel like I'm focussing on what I dont have rather than what I do what I do have which is; a lovely community in my village all excited for the birth, parents from my class who bought/ gave me so many things for baby that I couldn't get them all in my boot! Family who though distant, love me and are excited s out the baby, a very supportive husband, a lovely home, a healthy body, a healthy pregnancy, maternity pay and rights, 9 months off work ahead of me and a mums and tots group I'm about to start in my village.

Feel guilty for moaning really.

Anyone else been in this position?

[fempsych]

Looking back on my maternity leave - I can see a similar theme. I have a fantastic job that provided a lot of mt social contact and identity. I didn't have any siblings with kids or really friends with kids. So my community and identity and friendships all disappeared a bit when I went on maternity. Then I had a baby...and it was tough. Also, you are grieving for your mum at such a meaningful time. I have no advice really other then trying to make connections outside of school and allowing yourself as much time as you need to adjust. Whether that is weeks or months or a year! I'm back at work now and much happier with more of a balance.

[Bumbleclat]

Thank you, I supposed I hadn't realised how my bring a happy mum would depend upon my relationships with other adults as well, in the absence of these, I hope I'll be able to be the delighted mum I've always wanted to be.

[DuggeeSchmuggee]

Have you joined an NCT class? It's really good to know other mums in the same position as you. We met for coffee, lunch, sat round each other's houses with tea and biccies and texted each other during night feeds. For me the friends I made there were the best thing to help combat the loneliness.

[Bumbleclat]

No, I didn't do the NCT thing because I've only just stopped working a 50 hour week and the one nearest to me is really rather far away in a town I never wish to go to and and they classes were quite expensive too.

[Summerdays2014]

I'm a teacher and I left school at Christmas last year to go on maternity leave. My son was born on January. I remember crying on my last day as I too hate change and didn't know what I was going to do with myself. I missed the structure, routine, friendships, sense of self worth etc. Then I had the baby and I have loved every second (though it has been very tough at times) I have had the best year ever and have realised how stressed and exhausted I was as a teacher. I had originally planned to go back to work in September, but I loved being at home so much I put it back to January. Now I am dreading going back to work and I never imagined I'd feel like that... I went to loads of baby groups and made an effort to create a new routine (as far as is possible with a baby!)

[BikeRunSki]

I felt very much the same about my job and maternity leave just before my first child was born. In the end I was anything but bored and lonely!

There is a lot of stuff going on for mums and babies around here. When DS was about 5 weeks old I decided to try something different every day. I soon found a new router and new friends.

One of the things I did was NCT coffee mornings/bumps and babies. You do not need to be a member to go, and many of the people I met were not. Also baby massage and baby yoga (health visitor told me about these), baby swimming, several baby groups (I toured the local villages), pram walks, story time at the library. Do you have a Surestart Centre nearby? They were a wonderful source of support.

8 years later, I still have some wonderful friends I met at baby groups. I found that during maternity leave I really began to "live" in my village, rather than just go there to sleep.

Good luck with starting your baby group too.

[PeachBellini123]

I'm due to start maternity leave on Monday OP and know how you feel (although my sympathies with losing your mum. Must be so tough).

You said there's no NCT classes near you. Have you asked your midwife about other activities/groups? They might be able to help.

[peppatax]

Ante natal exercise classes? These are more social than exercise once people are on mat leave.

[SuffolkingGrand]

Whereabouts in the country are you based, OP?

[purplemunkey]

I didn't do NCT for similar reasons but did a short baby class course in a small group when DD was about 12wks. Made some wonderful friends there and we met up with our babies most weeks during mat leave. Might be worth looking for something similar once baby is here and you're settled?

[welshweasel]

I felt exactly the same. I was lucky to have a good NCT group but there's loads of things you can do. I found I needed at least one planned trip out per day to feel sane. Baby massage, swimming lessons, nct bumps and babies, baby group at the surestart centre, baby cinema, baby groups at local churches, buggy walks/fitness...I live fairly rurally and was amazed at what was available. My health visitor was great at helping me find stuff to do. I still struggled though and went back to work when DS was 4 months old.