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Comprised situation

(13 Posts)
Dlah Sat 27-Aug-16 17:48:14

I shall try and keep this short

31+3 weeks, early on in pregnancy myself and partner discussed labour, and he's quite a quiet/nervous chap, I ended up in hospital a couple times with sickness and on one occasion he looked so petrified for me I was really worried for him more so, so I mentioned the idea of a 2nd birthday partner - namely one of my sisters - who has children, is quite upbeat and I thought would be good at reassuring him and keeping him sane when anything a bit scary starts and at same time, keep us both motivated and going.

He was happy with this, they get on well.

Today, he's been pub with his mate and I popped in (for a coke!) at the end, and baby was mentioned, and somehow the situation came up and he's turned around (tipsy but still clearly true feelings coming out) saying my sister doesn't like him even though he likes her and thinks she's good fun.

This is stemming from her (in a jokey/I'm the big sister/protective/non mallicious) conversation when I was first pregnant, suffering with sickness and he wasn't really helping around house, she basically said step up!

It wasn't an argument just a few comments from her, which he's obviously taken to heart and held a grudge over since.

I'm now torn, my sister is so excited, has made emergency plans for her night shifts incase I go into labour when working and has generally been really supportive, but at same time I don't want to upset my partner. Just really annoyed it's come out in tipsy conversation and now I feel stuck

WWYD?

Dlah Sat 27-Aug-16 17:56:49

I can't work out how to edit/add to this he has actually said he doesn't want her at the birth now sad

titchy Sat 27-Aug-16 18:00:40

When he shits a beachball he can decide who's there. Your the one giving birth - you decide who's there.

SeashellHoarder Sat 27-Aug-16 18:26:45

dlah if pick your sister over dp as birth partner!

Tiggeryoubastard Sat 27-Aug-16 18:28:48

He sounds a drip. Hope he grows up when the baby is born.

Rollyroo Sat 27-Aug-16 18:39:50

Your birth so you get to decide 100%

Personally I would still have your sister there as she sounds like a good calming influence and will be able to continue to support you if your DH loses his shit.

Cel982 Sat 27-Aug-16 18:48:20

It's you giving birth, you can have whoever you want there.

However, it would be a pity if there was a bad atmosphere between them while you're all in the delivery room together, so they may need to build some bridges first. She may have meant her interfering comments in a "jokey/non-malicious way", but that's clearly not how he heard them, and the fact that he's still smarting about it months later suggests that he was really hurt. Do they get on well generally?

Dlah Sat 27-Aug-16 18:50:55

Yeah, well I thought so anyway, she lives nearby, had a good laugh at a family party last time got together etc.

I'm feeling like I don't wanna bring it up to him now and if he's that bothered he can approach in when sober.

I don't want an atmosphere and feel if I tell my sister/ask her to hold off, she might then feel uncomfortable to

Men!

Dlah Sat 27-Aug-16 18:51:30

Yeah, well I thought so anyway, she lives nearby, had a good laugh at a family party last time got together etc.

I'm feeling like I don't wanna bring it up to him now and if he's that bothered he can approach in when sober.

I don't want an atmosphere and feel if I tell my sister/ask her to hold off, she might then feel uncomfortable to

Men!

Whatsername17 Sat 27-Aug-16 20:50:45

I'd ask him sober. He probably feels a bit intimidated by her if she's a forthright type of person. In which case you can ask your sister to tone it down a little if you think she needs too.

Dlah Sat 27-Aug-16 21:09:09

Yes sober would be better, he was saying this in front of his mate, and I replied "funny this is the first time I'm hearing anything of this now you've had a drink", and he then came out with not wanting her there and said best leave it there and talk later, to which my slightly irrational hormonal self replied (confused) "ah so what you mean is you haven't got the balls to tell me the truth unless you've had a drink"! Men are a pain in the arse

Tiredandtorn Sat 27-Aug-16 22:15:02

Have whoever makes you feel the safest. My dh is pretty good but he lost it in the final moments and nearly fainted, spent the actual birth on the floor! Thank for a midwife taking over to hold my hand and keep me calm. You need whoever you trust to get you through it and he'll have to deal with that x

LillianFullStop Sat 27-Aug-16 22:32:31

I think when it comes down to it he would be grateful to have someone positive and level headed and has been through it before that can reassure you both. When he starts freaking out and you sister is there to step up then you'll both be better for it!

Besides your "I want my sister there" trumps his "I don't want her there". It's your birth, you're the one who needs support not him. He can walk out and get fresh air if it gets too much but YOU can't! Do what is best for you.

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