Terrified!!

[capturedbyminipirate]

Hello ladies,
I'm currently 41 weeks with my DS1 and booked in for a sweep tomorrow & induction on Friday. I really hope i go into labour naturally before Friday as I'm not keen on induction and the main reason being the anxiety I'll feel about my husband not being allowed to be with me the entire time. The visiting hours on the ward are 10-8pm with an hour a half away for lunch and an hour for dinner where they are not allowed to stay. Never did I expect to go through even one contraction without my husband and I think it's traumatic enough as a woman that you take care and worry every day up until this estimated due date and then when you past it, you are just expected to get in a ward with strangers and progress to half way before they will even consider taking you to the delivery room. This is the only thing that has properly shaken me throughout pregnancy and its taking away the excitement I felt about seeing my little boy. My friend got induced a few years ago and it was very slow to start, then before they knew it she had progressed rapidly and her partner missed the birth. IMO this contributed to her post natal depression as she was so devastated with how it ended and the fact the midwives didn't listen when she said she needs to go to labour suite and have her husbands support. I'm usually really assertive and positive but with this I just don't know what to do and if I can do anything or what I can request. Never seen the same midwife twice throughout so it's rubbish trying to convey any concerns at all because they just always say all pregnant ladies are in the same boat. Could I refuse induction at this stage and ask for cesearean. That way I will have a date when the baby will be here and staying in AFTER I've got my son safely by my side would not be as big a problem. Any advice would be so appreciated!

[Whatabout]

You can opt for monitoring instead of induction, wait to go into labour naturally and avoid the induction.

I hope your little one doesn't keep you waiting too much longer!

[capturedbyminipirate]

Thank you Whatabout! My time off has turned into a full time job of trying every recommendation to get the baby travelling. I'm going to consider getting monitored but when I mentioned it the midwife mentioned all the risks of placenta failure, still birth etc and said I would only get monitored twice a week and gave me a look which said twice a week isn't enough. I'm usually really in control of situations& know my own mind but with this because it's my first baby and because I have him to consider in every decision I just went along with booking it in. I don't even know if I can cancel it now. Who knew going overdue could be so stressful! Thank you for your reply :-)

[willnotbetamed]

You know a pregnancy is 41 weeks in France? 40 weeks is a little bit arbitrary - and by that token, you're hardly even overdue yet. If you see a different midwife each time, try asking again about monitoring - I think opinions vary, but I know plenty of people who have gone to 42+ weeks with monitoring. You can certainly cancel the induction if you need to (since you would have to anyway if you go into labour naturally). I do understand how you feel - my DC1 was born at 32 weeks but also after several days in hospital, and I hated being left on my own. Luckily my DH was close by and I kept my mobile close by so that I could summons him whenever needed; the hospital also didn't have such strict rules, so he was able to be with me at all the important moments. Good luck with asserting your needs and with getting a good midwife on the day.

[capturedbyminipirate]

Thank you Willnotbetamed!

I've got a sweep tomorrow and so I'll try and have a better discussion with whoever I see then.
I feel like any time you try to question anything they don't really give you the time of day and always remind you that you have a baby to consider- as if you can forget!! reading the schedule it says I would get a pessary between 3-4 then another 6 hours later with the expectation to get to 5-6cm dilated through the night (on my own). Then the next morning when DH gets in around 10.30 they would start the drip only if there was space in the labour ward. I'm concerned that it will take days because I have no signs, symptoms, twinges of imminent labour & the baby isn't engaged. I'm going to ask tomorrow how long they keep the process going before they take you for cesarean (not that it's an ideal option either- but I'm guessing with the lack of sleep, pain and stress I won't have the energy to continue for days)

I've been so stress free throughout this pregnancy but now it feels like the pressure is heaped on & I'm finding it difficult to cope with mentally.

You made a great point about France though :-)

[PannaDoll]

It's really scary isn't it? Induction was my worst fear and I went to 42 weeks :-) I did eventually go into labour on my own but it was a very long latent phase and one midwife broke my waters along the way to speed things up which resulted in me having to be induced 24 hours later because of the threat of infection to my baby.

I'm not going to lie, the drip wasn't pleasant but I don't know how much more unpleasant it was than actual active labour because I didn't make it that far on my own. I got to 2cm dialated so they skipped the pessary (which is just to soften the cervix and encouraged dialation apparently).

My induction ended in an EMC and a healthy baby, healthy mummy so it was a great success if you look at it that way.

The best advice I can give you is to 'go with it' whatever it is at the time. The whole situation is so unknown and other and pretty much beyond your control that you just have to ride the highs and lows and wait until you get your amazing reward at the end. Your lovely baby will be here soon by whatever means necessary :-)

[capturedbyminipirate]

Hi Pannadoll, thanks for sharing your experience.

It's so reassuring to hear you went to that time and you and baby were healthy. That is definitely the main thing.

Induction is really scary, especially as they can't put a time on it and you may need to have another full round etc. The unknown, I can just about cope with, however, the coping with the unknown on my own is what really terrifies me.

I will just have to take it from tomorrow and hopefully the sweep will do the trick (if it does I think I'll be the happiest person to ever show up at labour ward). I don't think I would be as concerned if I at least had some symptoms of labour- a show, some Brixton hicks etc, baby engaged at least but I've had nothing and that makes me worry about the baby and if he's even ready to be born and if hes okay. I think more support is needed in terms of induction rather than a 'right your bookedin, you will not be allowed to leave hospital at any point during induction and husbands have to abide by visit hours for consistency and infection control' approach- that's no use for anyone

I also think with the type of process it is then you should be allowed your birth partners from start to finish. No one should go through any part of that alone. If men are deemed in court to have 50% responsibility of a child then why are they disregarded at the birth and potential decisions being made without them even being allowed to be present. My husband is gutted about this too because we don't stay close enough to the hospital so it's going to be a lot of sitting in canteens and he's not even sure he'd have time to drive home and back if he was called so he's planning on waiting in the car park overnight..surely him not sleeping and me in pain and not sleeping is no great way for anyone to be using their energy at time when its most needed!

[PannaDoll]

I had no symptoms until the night I went into labour and it started as very gentle period like pains that woke me up in the middle of the night and I smiled and went back to sleep because I thought I had beaten the system and dodged induction and labour was on it's way :-)

You'll be so surprised what you can cope with, honestly. For most of my labouring experience, I wouldn't have cared who was/wasn't there as it was all very personal and I internalised most of it so you might surprise yourself.

I asked lots of (annoying) questions at every stage of the induction process because I was genuinely really scared of it and yes, more support is definitely required around it if they are going to continue 'encouraging' women down that route.

I turned down epidural with mine but it's something you might want to consider with yours if you end up on the drip. This advice was also given to me and ignored by me .

[PannaDoll]

I also think with the type of process it is then you should be allowed your birth partners from start to finish. No one should go through any part of that alone.

I will add, that my birth partner was allowed from start to finish but that labour was not on a general ward. It does seem strange that you can't have your partner there for support! Are you absolutely sure about that? It's a long drawn out process however it happens for the first one (in most cases) so seems odd they'd send the father away especially.

[lexyloub]

I was induced for reduces movement the 1st gel did nothing at all the 2nd gel kicked off contractions about tea time my dh was sent home and I ended up labouring on my own it then progressed very quickly. My dh was called at 1.25am he arrived at 1.55 I delivered our son at 2.12am. This was my 3rd dc so I knew what was going to happen but I'd of been very frightened if had been my 1st labour doing it on my own.

[lexyloub]

Panna, I was induced on the ante natal ward so birth partners were only allowed up til 8pm. Birth partners are only allowed with you 24/7 on the delivery ward which they only send you too once in established labour they generally don't send you to delivery when still in the early stages. Also I was sent back to the ward with my baby at 4.30 so dh was only actually at hospital with me 2.5hrs.

[PannaDoll]

Ah okay, what a misery. I entered the hospital (in the early stages of) labouring so I suppose my experience was slightly different.

I can definitely see that it would be stressful to not have your partner with you for a first timer under those circumstances.

[capturedbyminipirate]

Pannadoll, that's good to hear that you had no imminent labour symptoms until the actual day. Fingers crossed that's the same for me :-)

Like lexylou mentioned, I would be getting induced on the ante natal ward where the visiting hours for dads are 10.30am-8pm but with 1.5hour breaks in between for lunch and dinner where they also get turfed out.

So if I get the pessary at say 3 or 4pm if I'm starting to have contractions at 8pm they will still send DH home until they decide I'm 5/6cm and can go to labour/delivery suite( also depends if there's a room available-whereas if I had went naturally and there was no room they'd need to send us both away somewhere else rather than just keep me on a ward on my own). They won't let dad in the ante natal ward at all out with visiting.

At the ante natal classes there were a lot of discussions appwhere people had said they progressed so fast after from 7-10cm they only had their DH support for 45-50mins then baby was born then again and they were shipped up to the post natal ward, and if that was outside visiting hours well dad had to go home again. I'm thinking of taking this issue to my local MP (after election).

Lexylou that was just in the nick of time your OH made it, I just can't imagine having no-one to go over my decisions with me, or make me comfortable or just sound off too. When I mentioned my concern to the midwife she just said all the women in the wards help each other and get through it together, but that's not the same. In this day and age where fathers are told in court they have 50% responsibility for a child, how can they be declined against their own wishes to be part of the birth and support their partner. i was thinking of getting the pessary, staying monitored for an hour or so and then asking as things are okay discharging myself and telling them I'll come back the next day. Do you think I can do that? Can everyone discharge themselves from hospital?

I must sound like a paranoid FTM, but I am happy to cope with anything as long as I have my husbands support because it's his baby that I'm carrying and making the decisions for too. He is also absolutely gutted.

[PannaDoll]

You don't sound paranoid (and hopefully it's all irrelevant as you'll naturally start labouring any day now anyway ;-))

I think they'd be reluctant to discharge you once they intervene with pessaries and the like. I'm fairly sure they will want you to be monitored as soon as they start this kind of thing.

I'm arching my eyebrow at 'women helping each other on the ante natal ward' as everyone will surely be absored in their own thing and freaking quietly or loudly out.

[capturedbyminipirate]

That's what I thought too. I don't think I could be anyone else's support as well as my own lol! I'm not really the shy and retiring type but I doubt I'll be feeling at my most sociable, probably more vulnerable, in pain and freaked out myself. I also prefer to keep my feeling to myself and help myself rather than ask complete strangers. The whole thing could be sorted if DH could just stay. Ther must be a Hugh percent of midwives who agree this would be the best option so they could focus their attention on those who really need it.

This baby is so wanted and we've tried so hard for him that I just need my husband by my side- Fingers crossed it is all irrelevant :-) although I'm still taking the issue to my MP!! There must be better support for this.

[KatyN]

My induction was so slow there was plenty of time for my do to be there for the whole thing. He was there for the pessary and then as nothing happened he was back for the drip in the maternity ward.

Also this isn't helpful but at the maternity hospital in Bristol partners can stay 24/7 during induction. It's. Just that mine decided to go home!!

Kd

[melliemoo1]

To be honest your concerns are very valid and the induction experience you are fearing is exactly what happened to me. Luckily though it took just 1 pessary to get me started which went in around 12. I was one of the first booked in that day. So had my husband with me until 7 30 when he was sent home. Only to return at 11 when they eventually agreed to check me and discover I was in active labour. If I have to be induced again I am going to be a lot more proactive requesting pain relief earlier on and just try to take more control which I didn't feel confidant enough to do last time. Like a previous poster said I feel the whole induction process needs reviewing as perhaps they should look at each persons situation individually rather than blindly following the rules re partners being allowed to stay. As labouring effectively on your own without adequate pain relief can be traumatic. That was how I felt anyway.

All being well you may avoid induction anyway. Try not to worry yourself too much until Friday and whatever happens you will get through it and have your lovely baby at the end of it.

Lots of luck and keep us posted

[melliemoo1]

Katy can I just ask which hospital that was as I was induced at Southmead back in 2009. Have they changed the rules regarding partners now? Sorry to highjack thread.

[capturedbyminipirate]

Hi ladies,

I had my sweep today so hopefully it kicks starts natural labour within the next day or so and I won't have to worry about this dreaded induction.

KatyN Its great to hear that some hospitals allow partners to be there 24/7, I think the more choices for women the better, especially if these allow them to cope better.

melliemoo thanks for the support. I agree with you that individual personal circumstances should be taken into consideration with induction, as they are taken in with every other instance throughout pregnancy. It just feels once you hit 40 weeks you're just thrown into an unknown process on your own for most of it. It's also difficult for people who don't live close to the hospital to expect their partners to drive home and come back if something happens, that is time which could be better spent supporting the mother. My husband feels very let down by this process as he feels it takes away some of his rights and makes it a possibility he could miss the birth of his child.

At the ante natal classes I attended the midwife actually said when the midwife 'allows' you to go to labour ward (ie 5-6cm dilated) even though they say they will call your husband, be sure to do it yourself because sometimes we are very busy or get caught up in an emergency and there have been a few occasions where dad has arrived too late. if this is the case and calling a dad is simply something they can forget then they should be allowed there 24/7. We were both there at conception and should both be willing, then we both should be there at the birth, anything hindering that just causes unnecessary upset.

I don't just feel this is the same for partners or husbands but also those who have their mum, friend, sister or doula who they have selected as the person to help them through it. For example I couldn't imagine being in my teens and having to go through this alone, you also don't know how that person has felt throughout pregnancy. What if they have had prenatal depression or are confused, surely not having someone to bounce ideas from or just offer their encouragement would make all that worse post natally.

I have complete respect for hospitals who do allow birth partners to be present throughout induction, after all that's when my DH Paternity leave starts.