Unexpectedly pregnant with no 3 and feeling a bit overwhelmed!

[Thelovecats]

We weren't trying, but weren't preventing it either. Didn't think it was going to be possible to get pregnant naturally. If the back of my mind I thought it might be quite nice to have another but I didn't think it would happen!!

I think I'm happy but then there's so much to consider. Practical stuff like needing to get a different car, or the kids having to share rooms. Also I am (was?) in process of trying to get a job after being a SAHM which now looks unlikely.
I had terrible varicous veins down under as well as PGP during pregnancy.
Basically, I'm just having a massive worry!

Did anyone else feel like this? When did you start to feel happy and not just scared??

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

I had a totally unplanned third. In all honesty, it took me most of my pregnancy to feel properly happy. Even just before he was born I felt a bit divorced from it all.

The good news is that the moment he was born, it hit me like a ton of bricks (in a way it hadn't with the older two, more of a slow burn throughout pregnancy and newborn stage). I do still get twinges of how easy life would otherwise be, but I adore him. It's a cliché, but he's my easiest, most chilled baby (still doesn't sleep, but that appears to be a genetic flaw in my kids ).

You sound like you are happy overall but scared by the practicalities. Those can be dealt with, I'm sure

[Lookslikerain]

Me! I feel/felt like this! This pregnancy was a bit unplanned. We'd always thought we'd have a third someday. I just didn't expect someday to be now.

I'm about 21 weeks and, being completely honest, I do still have days where I think, "argh, we're having another one!". Though I still have days when I look at my DC and think, oh my god, I'm their MUM!

I didn't feel scared so much as bad that I'd have to split my time between the three of them. My DC are 4 and a half and 2 and a half. We found out at the start of the summer holidays and I felt really guilty that I was too sick and tired to do all the stuff we'd planned, even though I don't think they noticed. I felt like we'd just got to a really nice place and routine with them, and now I was going to ruin it for them with another baby.

I'm reality, my DS (4yo) is quite excited about it and loves talking to the baby. And I can see he'll be a fab big brother. DH is looking forward to it and thinks it'll be a good age gap. DD (2yo) might need convincing but I think will be fine. Yes, we need a bigger car too. And bedrooms may need rethought later but I think this baby will complete our little family. However, it was a big shock and took a few weeks to get used to.

I think the scans really helped me feel more happy and less anxious. I've had both now. And feeling never ending kicks. And if I see a tiny baby on TV or when we're out, I think, oh I'll have one of them soon, all squashy and smelling of baby! How many weeks are you?

Oh, and congratulations!

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Hi Thelove, firstly congratulations - although I understand you might not feel like celebrating!

I'm basically you but about 4 months ahead in the future! Yes I felt scuppered then guilty for feeling selfish, as well as abit panicky. And I'll be honest I did feel abit low for the first couple of months - I'd had an idea of how I was hoping my life was going to be but then had to get used to the idea of starting back at square one again iykwim!

I'm not quite sure what has happened - I think I've had time to get used to the idea and now I'm actually looking forward to DC no3! (although the sleepless nights can still shove off) Also DC are really excited and I think that's rubbed off on me as well.

I must admit I'm not terribly looking forward to the sleepless nights again and having to fit DC etc needs round a new baby's needs but I know this is going to be my last ('KNOW' DH, 'KNOW'. You are so getting the snip Mr even if I have to do it myself!) so I'm going to enjoy as much as I can plus get to say goodbye to all the baby gear that's been clogging up my home for the last how many years! (yes it bothered me that much but I hate chucking stuff out that might be useful!)

Plus I'm sure I've heard on MN that the 3rd one practically drags itself up

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Looks I think we need to set up a reluctant 3rd DC thread on here with TheLove

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

thatwouldbe- so far, DS is pretty much dragging himself up. And he has to fit around school run, etc, etc rather than others fitting around new baby. And you know what, he's happier and more chilled than either of his sisters. Someone comes to play with him and he beams at the attention. Granted he's only 5 months...

[Thelovecats]

Thanks for your replies. I only found out today, so I'm coming up 5 weeks I think. I've given away or sold most of my baby stuff as well. My kids are nearly 2 and nearly 5. It's just crazy that this has actually happened.
Will reply more tomorrow- need to try and get some sleep...

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

thatwouldbe- so far, DS is pretty much dragging himself up

Penguins Is it wrong that, that has made me so happy reading that?

[Lauramum23]

Congratulations! My 3rd was a surprise he's 5 now we were very shocked wasn't particularly doing it much either at the time and he was "pulling out" clearly that method doesn't work lol the he fitted in the family fine and they loved him I'd love number 4 now I'm so broody I'm working on that.... I'd love an accident tho cos you don't have to make a desision and it always works out in the end, as for baby stuff people are always getting rid of cots etc u don't have to spend a fortune, anyway good luck with pregnancy x

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Don't worry TheLove people are always keen to give away dump their baby gear! Hope you have a goodnight x

[Lookslikerain]

thatwouldbe I think you've summed it up well. I've also just remembered my worries about the things I'd eaten/drunk that I shouldn't have, and the guilt over that! Honestly, guilt as a parent is never ending!

I think this pregnancy is going the fastest of the three, as I have so much going on. I was going around telling people I was about 17 weeks. Turns out I was 20 weeks and would have missed my scan if I hadn't written it in my diary!

I am also dreading the sleepless nights again, though I think DH and I have really lowered our standards on what constitutes a good night. As long as we all have a few decent hours a night, we really don't care where or what bed it happened in. We ended up co sleeping with DD as it was the only way she'd sleep. She's still in our bed now. We have that to deal with in the next couple of months. I'm dreading it more than the baby arriving!

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

LoveCats - sleep well. I don't want to speak out of turn, but for me I needed to decide whether to go ahead with the pregnancy and got some wonderful advice on here. If it's just a case of 'getting used to', give yourself time.

thatwouldbe - I have a friend who has just had her first and wonderingly says "I don't know how you manage X" and I remember that feeling. But it isn't like that. He tags along. I feed/change/cuddle him as necessary. The first 2-3 months was tough just because of unpredictability- it isn't marvellous when you have to put a suddenly hungry baby in the car for the school run, but he survived . Now he's 5 months I can do more "eat now, it's your last chance for an hour" and he's used to it.

[Hmmmwhatnow]

Meeee too! And our kids are the same ages. Dc2 turned 2 1 month before dc3 was born and dc1 just turned 5!

This wasn't the plan, I'm the main breadwinner so we are in a whole heap of shit financially but DD3 is now 3 months and I adore her. Wasn't an emotionally easy pg and felt a faint sense on panic but she is a very chilled baby, no choice really with the other 2 and she completes our family!

I do wish you the best of luck!

[Tiredemma]

We had a very unplanned surprise baby last year. My two older children are 14 and 11 and this surprise knocked me for six. Complete shock and overwhelmed.
Best surprise ever though-

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Looks DS2 co-slept and I'll be honest it was hard weaning him into his own bed but we got there! And he still wakes during the night a few times a week (he's nearly 4yrs) needing reassurance - his theme recently is 'Halloween' so has started shouting for us during the night and saying things like: 'something brushed past me and woke me up' and 'I saw a shadow of someone on the wall' which obviously helps me to sleep well after!

Penguin It feels like a world away from PFB days when everything was a stress! I must admit I hate doing the school run in crappy winter weather so really not relishing it with 3DC but then again my other option is home ed ha ha ha not in a million years

[evelynj]

I'm surprised pg with no 3 too-about 7-10 weeks I think. Ds is nearly 5 & dd is 15 months. I'm just getting used to the idea, found out 2 weeks ago-took forever to get pg with no 2 so a real shock this time but looking forwArd to not feeling like shit in a few weeks hopefully. Utterly shitting myself in case it's twins-always wanted them but would be a bit much now & I feel so awful I think it's possible.

Practicalities are a worry but I won't concern myself until baby is 6 months & moving out of our room, (all being well we get to that stage). Que sera sera is my mantra atm but do think I'll get judged by family ad we already have 'one of each'. Not bothered but my hormones are all over the place & I'm crying at everything. Just want to talk about it now but haven't even a scan date to count down to-as always, this bit is taking forever, grrr......

[threefoureight]

I found out today too.

Also sorta trying but not.

Also flapping a bit!

Lots of people have 3 kids right?

[Thelovecats]

Morning. Not much sleep- nearly 2 year old dd has recently decided she doesn't like going to bed, and was screaming at 5.15 wanting to go downstairs. After 45 mins of trying to persuade her to go back to bd we gave up.
Anyway, penguin thanks, it is just a a case of having to get used to it. It's just we previously had ICSI due to extremely low sperm count so we just never thought it would happen.
I'll add school run issues to my list of inconveniences!
Hope this one would be that easy chilled baby you are talking about! My ds was, but my dd was a colicky, refluxy, screaming non sleeping nightmare for 8 months, no exaggeration!
evelyn, you are not allowed to mention twins, could start hyperventilating just thinking about it!

[3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole]

My surprise baby no3 is now 18 months and although she is a handful I adore her. She slotted in to our family nicely but the demands of three do sometimes take their toll!

[3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole]

Although I disagree on the 3rd being the one that drags itself up

There are only 16 months between my eldest two and I feel Dc1 had to drag himself up a fair bit! Dc2 is and has always been the most demanding child closely followed by Dc3. Dc1 is chilled out and independent

[sandgrown]

I had my surprise baby a week after my previous youngest child's 21st birthday! It took a bit of adapting but he is loved by everybody and was the best surprise ever!

[mumxof3x]

My 3rd was a total shock, I cried for around 18wks lol, I didnt tell my family till I was 21weeks. My second child has always been an handful and both of them still didnt sleep, and I had awful spd and sciatica with, my second so I was scared and nervous, we had to move to a bigger house etc. But as soon as he was born he just fitted in and I wouldnt have it any other way, my other 2 was 4.5yrs and 2.3 years when ds3 was born.

Now 14 months later im expecting baby number 4 im around 10 weeks, again sheer panic as I know il be getting spd again, and im at college, im due in may exams are in june, we need a 7 seater car....again I need to buy everything from scratch. But im sure il be ok. Ds1 will be 6, ds2 4 and ds3 21 months.

Good luck and congratulations xx

[thewrongmans]

If you are not using contraception then you are trying to get pregnant surely? Or are you completely uneducated were you absent from school when that explained those basics?

[GaryShitpeas]

My dc3 is 6 months

Was terrified throughout pregnancy wondering if we had done the right thing

She is a JOY, I adore her she has slotted in perfectly and it's like she's always been here, can't remember what life with out her in it was like

Congrats op three is amazing

[GaryShitpeas]

Ps I live in a tiny 3 bed semi, two of them will have to share soon, it will be fine, people manage with much less room. and car wise we bought a cheap people carrier, an old VW sharan, was about 1500.

[PacificDogwood]

Thelovecats, congratulations !

You do sound more happy than not - so that's a start, surely?

The practicalities will fall in to place, they always do.
What kind of baby you are going to be blessed with - who knows? You'll just have to roll with whatever personality they are given.

For the dreaded school run, may I recommend a sling of some sort (soft stretchy one for newborn) - cosy, warm and leaves you hands free for other DCs.

thewrongmans, I think the OP explained that. Nice post. Not.