Friend doesn't want anyone to buy anything for the baby...

[mousiemousie]

My close friend has adamantly resisted anyone buying her anything for her first baby - due in 2 weeks. She has all the equipment she needs passed on from her brother and a few baby clothes he passed on too. She has bought nothing herself, but she is comfortable off so this isn't about not being able to afford to.

I have lots of high quality clothes in brilliant condition which I wanted to give her - petit bateau kind of stuff - but she doesn't seem to want it. She has banned her mum from buying anything at all.

I think it is nice to respect people's wishes when they are pregnant - but I do feel a bit rejected that she doesn't want anything, whether second hand or new from me, and I know it has upset her mother.

Do you think it would be good or bad to buy something as a present when the baby is born, and if so, any ideas?

She makes me feel that she doesn't want anything but I don't want to upset her by not getting anything if she actually would like a present after the birth!

I have offered babysitting and practical help . Does anyone have experience of this kind of situation?

[beckybrastraps]

Buy HER a present.

Yes, it's a bit odd. But I hated anyone buying anything before the baby came. Just in case. Perhaps she'll change her mind once it's here and she sees how many babygros one baby can get through in a day.

[hulababy]

For now I would just buy a present for her - maybe something to pamper herself after baby is born.

I think she may well change her mind after the baby is born.

[Tommy]

agree with becky! She might well change her mind once she has the baby there

[geekgrrl]

TBH I can understand where she's coming from, she probably feels flooded by baby equipment at the moment. Why not give her a voucher for mothercare or somewhere more upmarket? Or maybe a voucher for a massage or beauty treatment? (seeing babies are terribly unappreciative most of the time)

All my friends who are having babies now get a Steiff comforter from me - ds has been in love with his since he was tiny, they're a good price for a baby gift and excellent quality.

[mousiemousie]

You are all geniuses.

I will buy a present for her and wait and see if she enjoys presents for the baby from others!

Thank you!

[gigglinggoblin]

i am getting married soon and have asked for no presents. this has upset my grandmother enormously, but the fact is i dont want any more clutter to add to the mountain i already have! if she buys something it will not be anything i want, as i really dont want anything! i do think you should respect her wishes and if you are desperate to give her something give her money in a card and say it can be used to open a savings account. the thought is there but the clutter is not

[mousiemousie]

clutter is certainly something my friend is fighting against!

[redbull]

how about a play mat for the baby or a gym??

i found these really good with ds as the play gyms with all the flasing lights kept him entertained while i made up his feeds like this one

or this

[mousiemousie]

I think gyms are fab but friend doesn't want one!

[redbull]

she might not see the sense in them know but wait till the baby has been born

also its not just to entertain the baby its for the babys development of eyes and fine gross motor skills.

[ilovecaboose]

Maybe she's superstitious about having stuff b4 the baby is born so has got the basics she needs but does want anything else till afterwards.

Maybe she doesn't realise how much the baby needs.

Or maybe she just wants to wait and get some things for the baby herself after they are born. I had a lot of stuff given to me when ds was born - and I was really grateful, but I wished he had had something I had chosen to wear when he was first born. I did buy him an outfit after (and was slated for wasting money as we had been given more than enough) but I wanted my baby in something I had chosen (IYSWIM).

I wouldn't take it personally its probably not a slight on your tastes or offers or anything like that. She might change her mind after baby is born. It might be nice to buy her a present for herself and then see how she feels when baby is born.

(It could just be hormones making her crazy of course - remember pregnant women are rarely rational )

[PollyParanoia]

Food, glorious food, that's the present worth bringing. I think a lasagne or casserole taken post baby is worth all the toys in the world. Much more effort on your part and so appreciated in that hungry but tired postnatal bit. If you don't live near, send something via this site which has yummy muffins and stuff which are perfect for snacking on while breastfeeding or handing out to all those visitors.
But maybe I'm just greedy...

[Amiable]

I agree with PollyParanoia - One of my fave presents when I had DD was a big basket of cookies and muffins. They lasted ages and were delicious - just the thing to pick at while I was feeding... or any other time to be honest!

[bottomburp]

my fave pressie was for me and babe, cd called dreamland - world lullabies by putamayo music.it is so great, worked by really relaxing me before birth and then dd loved it from day 1 (well actually day 3 when came home from hosp).best thing was used to put it on when manic visitors making me tired and it worked on them too. if she likes it you can get the putamayo kids 'sing along' cd which dd loves in car.

[bettythebuilder]

Of course, you could always send her a Baby Feed Wheel - it wasn't around when she had her other children!
(and there's a discount code on the small business ads)

[CarolinaMoon]

I bought virtually nothing for ds before he was born - just a few towels and a blanket.

I had a lot of stuff from my sister, and I was a bit superstitious about buying anything else before the birth. I also knew I'd have no idea what I'd actually need until after the baby was born, and no desire to buy any plastic beeping crap at all.

You can't go wrong with a present for her, and a small gift for the baby once it's arrived, but I'd be really baffled if she didn't want to accept your second-hand stuff after the birth - it sounds lovely .