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Big gap between Babies. Support Thread?

(24 Posts)
Mutley77 Wed 18-Jun-14 11:20:48

My DD was over the moon when I told her I was expecting DC3. She was 7 nearly 8 at the time and DS was 4. I was going to wait until 12 weeks but I was really tired and snappy, DH was away with work and I told her - asked her to keep it quiet - of course she didn't ;) It was a bit risky as I didn't really want people knowing due to previous m/c but everyone (i.e. her friend's parents) was pretty sensitive and didn't really discuss it until I officially announced it after the first scan.

DD and DS are great with their baby sister - My DC are now 9, 5 and 1.

Shroomboom Mon 16-Jun-14 19:34:25

There's 7 years between my ds and dd. I was worried as ds always said he liked being an only child, but he was actually thrilled when we told him I was pregnant which was a big relief! We told him very early as I was so ill with hyperemisis. I was hospitalised by 6 1/2 weeks, and he thought I was going to die, so we had to tell him what was going on.
Dd is almost five months now, and ds is loving being a big brother. Took a while for him to get the hang of how gentle he needed to be, but now he is wonderful and is wanting to change nappies by himself etc. He is really protective of her too which makes me so happy!
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy & telling dd, and I hope you don't get too sick!

BigSuprise Mon 16-Jun-14 19:26:33

Sorry for the awful typos. Phone fingers!

BigSuprise Mon 16-Jun-14 19:25:42

Lovely to hear from some more of you. Thanks so much I'm feeling a bit better now and starting to see thepopositive side more. Scoobsmam I'll keep my fingers crossed she doesn't say she wants a puppy insteadsmile
Stupid moment of the day. I'd trusted DH when he saidhhe'd calculated the due date. He said March. No it's February! Waiting for him to come home so I can tease him about thissmile

spence24 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:47:33

My step daughter will be nearly 9 when this one is due, we're not quite at 12 weeks yet so have decided to wait to tell her then. She has always wanted a brother or sister and we know she will be very excited but I do have a niggling worry that when baby is here she'll realise it's going to be a while before it can run around and play with her. She dotes on her cousins though, and me and her dad both work a lot (self employed), so we're hoping that she'll be a good extra pair of hands at weekends, mealtimes and bath time!

Scoobsmam13 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:23:02

BigSurprise Yep you are right, 6 years will make it a little awkward, it has been lovely as DD is so easy for anyone to look after that I have got a lot more time to myself. I don't live with this baby's father so am thankful for the gap like loveallmyboys says, someone to keep an eye while I have a shower etc.
I think DD will see this baby as "our" baby. She has said for ages that it would be more fun if there was three of us than just the two (although I think she was trying to convince me into getting a puppy at the time, not a baby!)

Loveallmyboys Mon 16-Jun-14 09:03:26

My son was the same age as yours when we had My youngest. I wasn't sure how he would take the news as it had pretty much just been me and him against the world since he was about 3.
As it happened, he was pretty unphased by it all. He only really started to take an interest when the baby started to interact with him, smiling etc.
I think we told him just after 12 week scan.
The big gap worked pretty well for me... Here's £2, can you watch the baby while mummy takes a shower?! ;)
Currently 13+5 with no 3 and worrying about my youngest trying to stand on the new baby like he does with the cat! Won't be able to take my eyes off the little darling!x

AlwaysDancing1234 Mon 16-Jun-14 09:02:03

Our baby is due any day now and DS is almost 7
It's been lovely as he understands a bit more about what's going on and is very keen to 'help' me lots by bringing me drinks and a footstool to put my feet up! Friends and family who have a smaller gap have said they wish they had waited a bit longer so you don't end up with a jealous toddler and a baby to deal with.
My (half) brother is also 10 years younger than me and I've always idolised him since the day he was born. I was there at his birth (home birth, not for everyone or suitable for every older sibling I know) and I've was very involved from day 1.
There is no 'perfect' age gap, pros and cons for any age differences. Congrats on your pregnancy. Involve your older child as much as possible and enjoy it!

I have a soon to be 14 year old, a 9 year old and a 7 month old.

What do you need to know?

jaykay34 Mon 16-Jun-14 06:02:28

I'm 26 weeks pregnant - my twins are 11 and my partner's daughter is 18 !!

My children have been lovely about it...my son (who has never really been into younger children) has been really excited since I told him - my daughter was initially more practical and worried where baby would sleep - but is now really excited. As they are at an age where they have just done sex education at school - I did get a bit of "errrrghhh mum" stuff from them !

Both are talking about how they are going to help out with baby - and they have taken a real interest in my bump - telling me I look enormous every day grin

BigSuprise Sun 15-Jun-14 19:51:55

Hi everyone. Whiteblossom I'm planning to tell her after 12 weeks too. She says she wants a baby brother or sister all the time but the reality might be different.
Alita that's a lovely way to break the news smile
Fairypants. Part of what is making me wait is the fear things could go wrong but also it's a lot to expect a 7 yo to keep to herself.
Snowrose. I think 11 yo boys would pretty much all think babies are yucksmile my nephews will probably be disgustedsmile
Scoobsmam. 6 years is enough to make it awkward isn't it? You just start doing more grown up days out good sleep etc and bang we're going back to nappies and sleeplessness!

Wouldn't change it for the worldsmile even the sickness which seems to be creeping up now. ..

Scoobsmam13 Sun 15-Jun-14 18:29:25

My DD will be 6 when this LO is due so a fair gap, I haven't told her yet and am waiting until I have had my first scan (and then probably a few weeks after until I can't get away with it.) She is going to be thrilled (until she realises she may have to share her room lol)
I come from a family of three children, one 10 years older and one is 5 years younger than me. I am really close to both of them (the first people I told I was PG) they have always had less in common with each other, but the oldest moved out before the youngest could remember.

Snowrose1311 Sun 15-Jun-14 16:47:22

Hi, I'm 10+5 with dc3, my DS1 will be 11 when this baby comes, and DS2 is 9. I think DS1 will be upset when I tell him, but DS2 will be happy & excited.

Fairypants Sun 15-Jun-14 11:53:31

Hi, my dd's are 11 and nearly 16 and I'm 26+6 with dd3.
I don't know the right point to tell them but we did it the day we found out. We argued that at that age they would figure something was going on and maybe worry (dd1 is a worrier!) and that if something went wrong they would pick up on it and not knowing would probably jump to conclusions.
I did have a mc and they were really upset but happier knowing we would try again. I asked if they would prefer to not know til there was less risk next time and they said no - so again we told them when we found out and everything gone smoothly this time.
They've both been really excited and positive. They were desperate to tell people but old enough to understand why it needed to be a secret until after the 12 wk scan.

Alita7 Sun 15-Jun-14 09:55:39

Dsd (as well as the older 2 who don't live with us) knows about it and loves babies so is super excited! Which is lovely, she gets all protective and talks to my bump smile
We told them by getting them to close their eyes and hold out there hands and we put a scan pic in each of their hands and let them open their eyes. Dsd 2 guessed immediately, dsd 3 looked puzzled then shouted, are you having a baby? and dsd 1 was confused and said is this yours? but overall they're all happy smile

whiteblossom Sun 15-Jun-14 08:35:17

hi big this is my 2nd pg, my ds is 8 too. I told him after the 12 week scan, I thought he would be really excited and happy....NOOOOOOO! He was very upset so be prepared for that just in case. I was devastated by his reaction. My dh was more prepared for that reaction than I was. Though your dd may well be super excited.

We gave him some time to let it sink in and asked him to be the one to tell the grandparents when he was ready. Once the news was out he started to get excited- it was a slow build. DS asked lots of questions for months. He is now very excited, he kisses and talks to bump, he has promised to read to the baby everyday and has told the world Im pg! Im now 28 weeks by the way.

htbftm Sun 15-Jun-14 00:24:28

lol, I know Big! Thy ve been really good to be fair. They seem interested. Still wont do the dishes tho! :-)

BigSuprise Sat 14-Jun-14 23:49:38

Thanks for the replies. Alita Think I read a thread from you the other evening. Does DSd know yet?
Htb. Wow! That's a gap smile how are they taking the news?

Alita7 Sat 14-Jun-14 23:12:49

Hi can I join you?

This is my first baby but dsd who is 10 (though has learning disabilities so in many ways she is more like a 6 year old) lives with us and due to problems with her mum I am generally her mother figure. So we have a 10 year age gap smile

I'm looking forward to having a little helper, but we will need to make sure she knows what she can and can't do etc smile

htbftm Sat 14-Jun-14 22:41:47

Hi, im currently 14+3, and my ds's are 23, 19 and 18! To be fair tho, I wont have the same issues with explaining and acceptance that you might face! On another thread I saw, they said that older children are smitten and a very welcome extra pair of hands, and everyone was very positive about having a big gap!!

Loujim2 Sat 14-Jun-14 21:54:35

Hello, I'm not in the same situation but just think you'll have loads of help from your daughter when you new baby arrives! x

BigSuprise Sat 14-Jun-14 21:29:13

Thanks waffle x

WaffleWiffle Sat 14-Jun-14 20:59:38

My friend has a nearly 5 year old who starts school in September, and an 18 year old going to university in September.

They love it, really works for everyone involved.

BigSuprise Sat 14-Jun-14 20:57:11

I'd love to chat with others going through pregnancy with DC much older. DD will be 8.5 when I'm due.

Anyone with previous experience?

Am currently worried about when to tell DD! Im 6/7 weeks.

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