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How long off work after mc?

(16 Posts)
Hannah1086 Sat 15-Mar-14 01:17:59

Sorry in advance if this has been asked previously.

This coming Wednesday I would have been off for 3 weeks.

I always thought a miscarriage was something that just unexpectedly happened one day, you'd be off a week or 2, then go back to work.

Mines been what I think to be quite a long process to what I thought a mc was. We'd be trying for a baby since last summer so we was mega excited when we found out 5 weeks ago.

The start of my time off work 3 weeks ago was due to an emergency scan that showed a weak heartbeat. I was bleeding every time and started with pain, so wanted rest incase that helped.

Beginning of Last week I found out there was no heart beat. The end of last week I went in hospital for the day to be medically managed to induce the mc, which didn't work.

3 days ago I went for another scan which showed I hadn't mc. I had an examination down there to swab for infection due to the bleeding I continued to have had started to smell. They saw the tissue had moved quite down so removed it there and then.

I have fully mc now so could technically go back. Besides starting today with flu like symptoms, I don't feel ready to go back. My boss emailed to check when id be back today as I work in accounts/payroll and it's the end of the tax year (I actually forgot!). I'm not getting pressure but even the thought of going back had me in tears. I can't stop thinking about babies and the fact id be 3 months now, one third of the way. I kinda do feel "ok". I've had depression before and I don't feel like I'm getting back into depression, but don't think I have the head space to think properly, and face everyone. I know I have to go back at some point.

I'm away for a week next weekend so if I go back after that, it'd be April and would by 1 day shy of 5 weeks off.

I'm wondering how long other people have had off?

I work for a small company where no one ever has sick days so I'm very guilty and wary of not wanting to look like I'm taking the mick/advantage. Especially since before all this I was asking for more work and more pay!

Considering it wasn't a "quick" mc physically, does 5 weeks seem too long?

Thanks (sorry for the long post!). Appreciate any feedback.

householdchorewhore Sat 15-Mar-14 01:51:52

Hi Hannah. I'm so sorry to hear about your mc. Sounds like it's been a horrid journey for you. Do you have plenty of support?

Coping is different for everybody.

I found out I had a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan and luckily I could have the operation two days later. Thankfully I already had those three days off work. I had the op on Friday and went back to work on the Monday.

Could you go back a couple of days a week to begin with?

JustDanni Sat 15-Mar-14 04:21:36

I'm pretty sure that at this early stage in pregnancy all employers are unsympathetic.
Im sorry to hear of your loss. Perhaps it's best you speak to your GP about how you are feeling. They may be happy to sign you off with stress related illness caused by grief.
Although you have little or no entitlement at work for an early MC, your employer can't dispute advise given by a practitioner.

Hannah1086 Sat 15-Mar-14 11:44:11

Thanks for your replies. Yes I have plenty of support and of my partner. And we do feel blessed we know we can conceive and try again unlike so many. But I can't stop thinking about it and being down. Besides close family I don't want to have to face anyone I know. My head feels like it's going to burst.

My boss surprisingly seems supportive. He's said that I can work from home next week and then said if I'm not up to it though it's fine. My sick note runs next Sunday 23, then I have a week off holiday.

I just worry what ppl think, if they think this is a long time,and if anyone has had this length of time off or longer. I'm worrying now this is going to ruin my chance of promotion.

eurochick Sat 15-Mar-14 11:48:52

I think you just need to feel ready. Everyone is different.

Personally I preferred to just keep things as normal as possible and keep busy, so I had one day off, when the pain was at its worst. I passed the sac when I got up the next day and the physical pain eased considerably, so I went into work on that day. But you have to do what works for you.

Also, I have an office job, so I didn't have to stand for long periods or anything.

Roseandmabelshouse Sat 15-Mar-14 11:53:27

I had over a month if it makes you feel better. Sending lots of love

jnl0612 Sat 15-Mar-14 11:55:01

I miscarried at 16 weeks I work for a really large well known company and they were VILE only gave me 3 days off paid the rest was unpaid!
I went back after a week and half because they were just so horrible

Lovethebubbles Sat 15-Mar-14 12:00:25

So sorry for you sad
I had three weeks off in total. I had a suspected ectopic pregnancy so had to go in for an emergency laparoscopy (although it wasn't ectopic, the actual pain and things they could see when scanning, was caused by my endometriosis,which I didn't know about). The hospital signed me off for two weeks to actually recover from the laparoscopy, because it was really quite painful, and I had a further week off after that because I just didn't feel ready. I felt quite traumatised by the whole thing and because of being rushed into hospital and having the op. Everyone is different and it does depends on your job too I guess. I work in a front line role dealing with difficult people, so need to be emotionally robust!
Just so you know, 3 months later I went on to have a normal and healthy pregnancy and have a DD, so fingers crossed all will be ok for you next time OP.
Hugs x

squizita Sat 15-Mar-14 12:08:31

"I'm pretty sure that at this early stage in pregnancy all employers are unsympathetic."

Mine were lovely: sadly it's just luck of the draw. I've had 3 losses. Ironically it turned out each time that I found being at home made me 'dwell' more than being busy at work, so I took less time off than I'd anticipated. I think about a week each time, so allowing for the ERPC/bleeding to heal and a some days for the emotional stress.

However everyone deals with this differently and I'm quite unusual in that regard so take as much as you need.

Ludways Sat 15-Mar-14 12:32:13

You're past the medical issue if a mc, you've now moved to the emotional and psychological part of it, you're still "sick" and I'm sure a doctor would give you a sick note.

householdchorewhore Sat 15-Mar-14 12:37:06

You say you can't stop thinking about it OP, do you think the distraction of work might help? Staying at home would have been the worst thing for me. I would have moped (for want of a better word) and felt miserable. I still grieved, I just did it and worked at the same time.

Do you have a high pressure, high stress job that might make that hard?

Heatherbell1978 Sat 15-Mar-14 15:02:46

I had a m/c in November at 6 wks which was uncomplicated and over in a few days. My boss was great and I took just 3 days off. Partly cos there were no complications and partly cos I wanted to be back at work keeping busy. I got pregnant again straight away as it happens so good luck with everything x

TheBuggerlugs Sat 15-Mar-14 16:07:55

Sorry you find yourself in this position OP.

I've had 2 proper miscarriages. The first was at 9w5d but the baby died at 6w6d and physically it was over quite quickly but I still had 2 weeks off. The 2nd loss took ages to complete and I had 3 weeks off in total.

Don't feel you need to rush back, your mental health is just as vital as your physical wellbeing. You are protected by the Equality Act so don't feel pressured into going back.

jamaisjedors Sat 15-Mar-14 16:18:04

Sorry for your loss, OP.

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, went to ER who didn't sign me off at all, and then saw my GP on the Monday when I felt I couldn't go in.

He signed me off for a week, which initially I didn't want to take, but in the end I was glad of it. It seemed like quite a long time to have off though (and I teach, so am on my feet all day). I didn't realise that you could take any longer off (never occured to me to ask and to be honest I was better off "busy" than just hanging around the house.)

jellyandcake Sat 15-Mar-14 16:19:01

I had over a week - the mc itself was bracketed by a vomiting bug and a flu-like virus. Emotionally, I was better back at work but physically I was ill and very run-down. You say you're feeling flu-ey so if you're still unwell, you need to take the time to fully recover.

I conceived again the second cycle after the mc and now 34 weeks with that pregnancy - I wish you the same and hope you feel better soon.

Fairypants Sat 15-Mar-14 16:23:31

I'm sorry you are experiencing thissad

I had a mc at 10 weeks. I was admitted overnight as they were worried about extreme blood loss but didn't actually have any medical intervention bar a drip.
I stayed off work for 1 and a half weeks- basically til the contractions had stopped and the bleeding was manageable. I then had further complications and was admitted again but only off work for 2 days. I found I was better at work as I did mope at home. I had told 3 colleagues including my line manager and the office manager (v maternal busybody type) who both really looked after me those first couple of weeks back and made sure no-one asked questions or commented which made it easier. I kept waiting for something to make it better til I realised it would take months or years not weeks so I just had to cope in the meantime.
On the positive side, it took me 4 months to conceive again and I'm currently 13+5 having had v positive scans and all is good. I think in the end that has done the most good.

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