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ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Unplanned 2nd pregnancy- hubby wants to abort :((35 Posts)
Please help dont know where to turn. My background im 27 in august my husband is 33. My husband and i got married in April 2013, been together now nearly 8 yrs. we have a daughter together 3yrs 3 months. We planned on trying in August onwards this year for baby no 2.
However.... Found out im about 6-7 weeks pregnant now. I freaked out when I found out. I have my best friend getting married in April I'm a big part of the wedding and massive part of hen do. We have paid £200 for me to go lots of drink involved. I'm happy not to drink but will be very hard to disguise and having prev miscarried I wouldn't want ppl knowing. So that's an inconvenience but I can deal with that.
We rent our house long term.... But got home yday landlord is having to sell property due to unforeseen circumstances- we have very bad credit and a dog so finding a house to rent in two months is a stress.
My hubby has said he'd support whatever my decision, but it's become clear he wants me to abort. He says it's bad timing and we can try again when we planned. I know logically with all going on he's right, but I feel pregnant I know it's there I just don't think I can go through with it.....- and If I did I think I will regret it and possibly resent him?! Our daughter was born 22/ dec so that's a massively busy/ expensive time- ideally we wanted a spring summer baby no 2 and this one would be due in nov. I also wanted to time baby no 2 so I was on maternity when my daughter started school which with this one I won't. So I know loads of obsticales but it's happened and you can't undo as such you can have or not and I just feel so stuck. I know the obvious answer is not to abort if in doubt but I hope you can see my predicament. X
This is a wanted baby, you had plans to TTC this year, all that has changed is that the timing has been brought forwards a few months.
Things like finding a new place to live (suitable, one assumes for the family size you had already agreed you wanted to produce) would have happened anyhow and the stress will be no greater because you are pregnant. Things like which month the birth falls works always have been somewhat out of your hands.
This isn't a decision in which straightforward admin logic plays a part. You say your DH will be supportive whatever you choose. Well, that means you can choose to continue and (once first shock has subsided) give him the chance to live up to his word. Nothing that you have written suggests that you want a termination, and in those circumstances choosing one is all too likely to lead to real regrets and bigger problems down the line.
I have to be honest and say your/his reasons for terminating stink. It took us 4 months to conceive DC2 and that's not even very long! It doesn't always just happen as so
As soon as you start trying. There's a very real possibility you'll end up resenting your DH too. A termination of any kind is traumatic, especially if you're not both on board/conc
Convinced it's the right thing.
Sorry about the multiple posts, on iPhone...
I just want to say I have found a rental on two occasions in the last 2 years with bad credit and pets...the second rental I've just moved into didn't even require a deposit or rent in advance and we are also claiming HB at the moment but with this one the landlord is a family friend of DP's. Plenty of landlords will accept your dog you just have less choice in home. Both homes I got were very nice little family homes and were by no means a shithole, they were done up nicely within. We have had to organise moving out the inlaws with little income in the 3 months since I found out I was pregnant and its been extremely hard but can be done.
Do not have a termination if its not what you want, SIL had one as a teen that she chose to have herself and it affected her emotionally in many ways.
Hope everything goes ok for you xxx
I would just say that life does not work in such absolutes that you get so lucky you can pick due dates etc. Going on a hen do and moving house are do-able things.
What if you try to conceive again and it takes you months or years?
Think about all possibilities before you commit yourself.
I'm absolutely pro abortion but this is not okay and I think you realise that.
This is a human life at the end of the day and to get get rid of it like it's an inconvenient set of tickets to the theatre or holiday is not on. Then to
say you'd try again in August is bizarre. I don't think it treats you or any potential life you create with much respect.
Oh honey, babies have a knack for upsetting even the best laid plans! DH and I were just like you guys- worked out THE best time of the year to give birth given our work schedules, home situation, etc. Were delighted to find that I had conceived when we wanted me to. It looked as if everything was working perfectly and all would be sorted and under control for our baby…
Until we went for the first scan and I said- "It, erm, looks like there are TWO in there…"
So we're expecting twins, which is absolutely wonderful, but did throw a spanner in the works of all our carefully worked-out strategy (and blew a massive hole in our finances for the next few years!) My own dad laughed his head off when we told him and said "That's the problem with too much planning. Life has other ideas!"
There's never a perfect time or a perfect situation. You know this. And babies can't be ordered or unordered like a takeaway you've changed your mind about!
I absolutely HATE hen-do's. I'd get pregnant just to avoid one!
If you have an abortion for the reasons you're stating I can see you having big regrets, someone close to me had an abortion at a young age and has never and will never forgive herself. She still cries and is racked with guilt 10 years on, despite knowing that she was too young to even look after herself. She has a family now and beautiful children who she adores, and knowing how much she loves them makes her feel more guilty that she didn't go through with keeping baby all those years ago. My point is she did it because she was too young, she was doing her gcse's, had no money, her parent was ill and her partner was a teen as well-she had little choice but she still agonises over it. You're circumstances mean you'd be getting rid of your baby as its not as convenient, by a matter of months. You don't sound convinced these are good reasons yourself so be very careful you don't make a huge decision lightly, it's not something you can take back. I am not trying to sound harsh at all it must be so hard to have your partner suggest this, it would break my heart but asking you to abort for these reasons is not like asking you to change your perfume its a big deal. Please think about what it means to you. X
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