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Age gap of 6 years plus

(40 Posts)
MrsGiraffe12 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:16:54

I don't know why I didn't notice this before, but when this baby arrives DS will be 6 years 3 months.

Now I never thought of a gap like this to be an issue but DS will be in year 7 when baby is in reception class.

Friends rather than being positive have been slightly negative, ie:
* good luck finding activities for them to do together
* they won't ever be friends / play together

Any mums here with a 6 year gap or more care to shed light on how it is :-) xx

weebigmamma Tue 18-Feb-14 17:37:16

My 9yr old is just looking forward to having a sister I think. She knows they won't play together much but she had already requested that the baby sleeps in her room (I think she'll get over that quite quickly!) and she's totally ready to be the big sister and get him addicted to Pokemon as soon as possible etc :-) I love her excitement about it although I know she's nervous too because she's always had a lot of my attention. But I just think it'll work out OK. We don'[t always get to choose the age gaps do we, and plenty of siblings with big age gaps adore one another. As I said my sister and I hated one another's guts and we were only 4 years apart. We nearly drove my mum demented but now we're best mates! Things will work out fine :-)

AmandaHE Tue 18-Feb-14 18:59:42

I have an almost 10 and almost 8 year old and about to have another in a few weeks...! I have some of the same worries and some of the same comments! Thankfully one of my best friends accidentally got pregnant a few weeks before me and will have the very same age gap so I have someone to worry about it with...but the GOOD comments have all been about how wonderful it will be for the older ones - that they can get really involved, they will be kept a bit 'younger' eg they will have a good excuse for watching cbeebies (which they secretly prefer to the older shows) and that they'll learn lots and learn a valuable life lesson that the world doesn't revolve around them so much. At the moment the school run scares me, I could get away with turning up to playgroup late in my PJs last time I had a newborn but getting the older ones to school on time is a non negotiable now! I dont worry about the closeness though - I think it will be different but special. My mum and her brother had a 15 year age gap and particularly as adults were incredibly close families. But you're exactly right - all families are different and such an amazing blessing of a child is going to outweigh all of the worries and meany comments.

TamerB Tue 18-Feb-14 19:07:41

It is personality. My older one was in year 9 when he started reception- they get on better than the one close in age.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 18-Feb-14 19:09:24

People have an opinion on anything baby related! Some relatives scowled and said "not a good idea" when my cousin had 3 children under 5, some of the same people also said "not a good idea" to my aunt having a 6 year age gap between hers so you can't win!
There are 2 years between me and DSis and 8 between me and DBro, my sister and I fought like cats and dogs but always adored and got on well with my bro.
I'm pregnant now with DC2 and DC1 will be almost 7 when this baby arrives. He understands enough about pregnancy to be excited without being jealous and is over the moon about being a big brother, I don't think he would have coped with it a couple of years ago.
Ignore the negative nonsense and enjoy your DC!

ToodlesMcToodles Tue 18-Feb-14 19:10:35

I have a 10yr age gap between my DC, 14yrs and 4yrs

Currently they are sitting together playing lego and DS has just told his big sister she's his best friend

Yes they do different stuff a lot of the time and have different needs but we're still a family of 4 with close relationships.

I never understand how a 2yr age gap between siblings means they'll get on. My DSis and I are chalk and cheese and not close at all despite being 2yrs apart.

I feel I just have to put more thought into family outings / holidays to make sure there's enough to keep us all amused / happy.

Turquoisetamborine Tue 18-Feb-14 19:16:09

I think weebigmamma summed it up nicely. I have a son of 6 and we've been ttc for three years. I wanted a four year gap ideally. We are having IVF now so he will be nearly 7 if it works. I couldn't give a toss really. It just really doesn't matter.

I have age gaps of 4 yrs, 7yrs and 12 yrs with my brothers and get on the least with the 4yr gap. Mostly because the others are nice and have compatible personalities with me. My H has a brother two years younger and never sees him, doesn't like him and never did growing up.

Fairylea Tue 18-Feb-14 19:16:17

I have 11 years between mine.

It's been lovely and they adore each other and there is no jealousy. The most difficult thing I've found is struggling to give them both my time when they so clearly need totally different things. But I have managed to get ds into a good routine of bedtime at 6 (he's 19 months) so dd has time on her own with us after he's in bed and dh looks after ds sometimes so I can have time out with dd doing shopping or cinema or whatever.

One of the hardest things for me was realising I'd forgotten how awful and soul destroying those first 6 weeks are with a new baby. I honestly thought the sleep deprivation was going to kill me. I'd just forgotten how bad it is and being 11 years older than with dd it just made me desperately fed up.

But that goes quickly. The rest is good smile

mewkins Tue 18-Feb-14 19:31:59

Me and my dsis have just 12 months between us and though we are very close I was a very shy younger sibling as never had to do anything on my own. I hope that by having a bigger gap (4yrs) between dc they will each have their own character friends and opportunities away from their sibling.

My DS will be just 5 when this little one arrives and I had the same concerns especially when we discovered we were having a girl however my DS is so excited about about his sister its like they have a really special bond already and I honestly don't think he would have that same level of excitement if he was say 18 months - 2 years.

I used to obsess over the "right" age gap but after 2 miscarriages I'm just so happy to be expecting again.

Try not to worry about it Hun - every family is different and a bond between siblings comes down to more than the age gap between them.

X

MrsGiraffe12 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:50:24

Thanks again all.

Next time someone says something negative ill just say something along the lines of "bugger off. It's took us 3 years and a miscarriage to give A a sibling. This baby is a blessing!!" Or maybe something a bit less snotty.

DS is just so excited to be a big brother and nothing anyone can say will take the joy of seeing him like that away from me and DH xx

Foxeym Tue 18-Feb-14 21:19:51

My DS is 18 weeks and I have 2DDs of 12 and15 so I've had a relatively small gap and now a large one. It is very strange feeding a new baby in one arm whilst helping my DD with her GCSEs but the girls are fab with him and such a help

time2deal Tue 18-Feb-14 21:24:50

My older brother is only 14 months older than me, and my sister is 6 years younger. I'm much closer to my sister, and even to my baby brother who is 10 years younger than me. Just realised that means my older brother was 11 when my younger brother was born!

You never know how the relationships will turn out!

Mim78 Tue 18-Feb-14 22:42:25

I am going to have a 5 year age gap between mine and everyone has been really positive. Saying things like there won't be as much jealousy and dd is old enough to understand etc.

Ok they won't be playmates right away but family over the road to us have two dds with 5 year gap (now in year 1 and 6) and they do play together and get on we'll. they have joint hobby of dancing if that is any help.

textbook Tue 18-Feb-14 22:57:31

My dd1 is 6, and dd2 is 21 weeks. We had (and still get!) some negative comments regarding the age gap. However, they adore each other, dd1 writes secret letters to her baby sister about how lovely she is, and regularly tells me how glad she is that mummy had a baby for her. Dd2 has smiles for dd1 when she's teething and miserable with everyone else. Watching them together is the best feeling in the world, and dd1 loves to help with nappy changes etc, which we've always encouraged to make sure she feels included. We also got a buggy on which the handle lowers so dd1 can push it - she now leaves her scooter at home every day so she can proudly push her sister home.

So in summary, ignore the naysayers grin

Ditsydebs Wed 19-Feb-14 10:33:19

DS1 will be 11 and DS2 9 when DS3 arrives in around ten weeks time. I have also had some negative comments but also many positives. We went into this with our eyes open and realise at times it will be hard juggling a toddler and a teenager but we are up for the challenge and can't wait to see our older two bond with their baby sister and from the type of girls they are I can see them being little mummies to her!

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