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Midwives: would this birth plan piss you off?

(37 Posts)
racetobed Tue 29-Jan-13 14:30:15

Dear Professional,

Please give me gas and air during all internal examinations. I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

Please give me an epidural as soon as medically possible. I am not Joan of Arc.

Please consult me on which position I would like to give birth in. Last time I had my legs prized apart like a sheep. It would have been nice to have been asked smile

If it comes to it, please save me before the baby. My 4 year old needs me more.

Thank you thanks

I wrote birth plans for my second and third because as it turned out I lose the ability to speak in labour and dp didn't have a clue so lots of stuff happened with dd which I wasn't happy about.

As for the legs apart thing, I only gave birth on my back once, I was lying flat on the bed with my feet braced on the footboard no more than a foot or so apart. Ds1 found his way out just fine with no need for me to spread them any further.

MyLastDuchess Wed 30-Jan-13 15:48:59

Pootles a birth plan can be really helpful in some circumstances. I didn't have one for my first, and didn't anticipate ending up with a general anaesthetic immediately after delivery. It might sound trivial to some people but I had really wanted to see the placenta and just assumed that I would. After all I would deliver it after the baby, right? Due to a really fast post-partum haemorrhage and being wheeled off right away, I never did get to see it. If I had written it in the birth plan they would have saved it for me to see.

I wrote it in my birth plan for number 2 and got to see it, I'm over it now grin

I think the main problem with birth plans is the name - people are critical of them because you can't expect to plan how it will go. But what it really is is a list of things you want and don't want, written up in advance because at the time you may forget/not be able to express yourself/get sick of repeating it to every new person who may come in. My birth plan for number 2 included a list of things I would like to happen if I had to have a general anaesthetic again (ie father of baby to do skin to skin, doula to come with me to the operating theatre, that sort of thing). Thankfully it wasn't necessary but it was good to have the plan in place.

Booyhoo Wed 30-Jan-13 15:40:38

yes i hope ladymia has no control over any patients getting proper medical care and drugs when required.

CelticPromise Wed 30-Jan-13 15:37:24

Hope you're joking ladymia.

CelticPromise Wed 30-Jan-13 15:35:44

I don't think there's anything wrong with just putting 'I would like gas and air during internals' 'I would like to be consulted about changing position' etc. I hate the fluffy ' thanks for reading' ' thanks for helping me give birth' bollocks. They should be taking your preferences into account, you don't have to butter them up. A short, simple birth plan makes it clear. You can thank them afterwards!

Booyhoo Wed 30-Jan-13 14:51:18

pootles i think birth plans are very important. alot of women aren't fully aware of what's happening during labour and childbirth and decisions can be made very quickly and without you even realising what's happening. e.g i dont know if i tore/was stitched up when ds2 was born. i was in and out of consciousness, added to the fact that ds2 crashed immediately after birth and it was pure panic on mine and EXp's part that i just dont know what happened in the moment after his birth. i dont care enough to go and find out but if it had have been something important that i didn't want to happen i wouldn't have been able to object/refuse at that moment. i'm not sure EXP would have been together enough either to realise what was happening.

ReallyTired Wed 30-Jan-13 14:42:22

Do you find it painful to have your legs apart. It may well be advisable to have a ribbon so you know how far appart your legs can go without being in pain.

WizardofOs Wed 30-Jan-13 14:37:58

You don't have to have your legs very wide apart to birth even if you have an epidural. The tendency to pull legs up and apart with pushing is the idea it aids pushing effort and epidural tends to impede pushing so makes it more likely these techniques will be used. However you can ask them not to do it and they won't. You or your birth partner need to speak up and be assertive in a polite way. You only have a few things on your plan - much better to verbalise them than expect them to be read in my opinion.

PootlePosyPerkin Wed 30-Jan-13 14:35:52

And am also wondering how you'd like to give birth, if not with legs apart?

PootlePosyPerkin Wed 30-Jan-13 14:34:23

Birth plans are a mystery to me. Why do you need to write down a list of instructions? All births are different so why not just make a verbal decision based on what's best at the time?

<thinks of dear friend who had a lovely natural pain-relief free birthplan written up, on a clipboard, and ended up with an epidural & emergency c-section>

Booyhoo Wed 30-Jan-13 14:26:56

if you're having an epidural doesn't that limit what position you can be in for giving birth?

admittedly maybe i've been watching too much one born, but all the epidurals i've seen (and those of friends in RL) meant giving birth on your back on the bed strapped up to monitors with your legs apart. (not really sure you can do it without having your legs apart TBH.)

Flisspaps Wed 30-Jan-13 14:24:08

I thought it was quite funny!

Agree with not needing the last line though.

notso Wed 30-Jan-13 14:20:22

No-one ever asked for or looked at my birth plans and I have had four DC.
Good job the baby comes out through the fanjo not the mouth and you can still talk or scream don't you dare cut me grin

nannyl Wed 30-Jan-13 14:03:48

if i was a midwife i would be pissed off reading that, yes

ladymia Wed 30-Jan-13 12:33:33

If I was presented with this birth plan and I was the midwife, that epidural would take a LONG time to get to you (it would certainly not get to you before the child's 1st birthday) and I will unplug the gas and air grin "oops it's not working, i don't know why"

racetobed Wed 30-Jan-13 12:09:53

hahah caja 'a bit movie-like'. I am a bit melodramatic, truth be told grin

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 30-Jan-13 08:33:33

Seconded about removing the 'please save me first' bit. It's a bit movie-like.

If that situation did arise, they'd save everyone possible, but it'd come down to guidelines and circumstances and not what you've said in a birth plan.

AladdinOnRepeat Wed 30-Jan-13 08:27:32

It made me grin but I would change the wording too I think.

I am currently writing mine, as I will be needing it in the next couple of days and all I want to write is

Please give me gas and air, then leave me alone in a dark room until its time to push.

That's all I can think of writing!

NAR4 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:22:22

I agree with previous posters that it does come across as a bit rude and needs a little rewording.

I couldn't help but laught though at the Joan of Arc bit.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 29-Jan-13 20:39:22

Perhaps add in that you are still quite upset from a traumatic birth last time & hope they can bear with you as you will be feeling vulnerable / sensitive.

Then thank them for reading!

AmandaCooper Tue 29-Jan-13 20:29:54

I'm curious about the legs pulled apart "like a sheep" bit?

Santagotstuckinthechimney Tue 29-Jan-13 20:26:58

So you would rather your baby would have come through your bottom then? Cause that's what would have happened if she didn't open your legs ?

Any who - I think it would be better to phrase it differently .

It sounds condescending . Just a list of what you do or don't want would be better.

GingerDoodle Tue 29-Jan-13 20:21:47

I appreciate I will be in the minority but I found the writing style amusing and wouldn't mind!

TwitchyTail Tue 29-Jan-13 15:51:28

Cross-post with catsdontcare, saying basically the same thing grin

TwitchyTail Tue 29-Jan-13 15:50:37

Suggestions to make it a bit less inflammatory grin :

Title: Racetobed's birth preferences

Thank you for caring for me during labour and helping to bring my baby into the world! I would be very grateful if the following could be taken into account:

Please offer me gas and air during all internal examinations, as I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

I would like an epidural as soon as medically and practically possible.

When the time comes for me to give birth, please negotiate my position with me as I find it uncomfortable to have my legs pulled apart.

(Leave off the bit about saving you or the baby, it doesn't work like this in real life)

Thank you all thanks

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