feeling really down

[mrsR1991]

hi all i'm feeling really down at the moment :( i'm 11 weeks with my second baby and i'm trying soo hard to be happy but i just feel like everyone except me and my partner are against us having another child this soon after our daughter. i don't think it is soon at all as our daughter will be 1 a week today so will be about 18 months between them but my partner's brother and his wife have been trying since may and since they found out im pregnant again we havn't heard from them as much and his brother has been quite blunt with me so i'v decided to not bother contacting him incase they need space which i fully understand as it must be hard for them but my hormones are making me very upset over the way they are being. also my partner's parents don't seem overly happy (well his dad does but not so sure bout his mum) and they keep saying how hard it will be for me a if i don't know! my parents i am telling when they come for my daughter's bday but i know they won't be happy. i'm adopted and never really had a good relationship with them and my mum was really not happy when i was pregnant with my daughter as i was 19. our daughter and this baby were planned though and i have been with my partner over 4 years now and we are engaged so it isn't like we are being stupid. my best friend is also finding it hard as she has been told she may not be able to have any more children due to health problems. i just wish people would be a bit more happy for us. i don't have many friends where i live and i can't drive. i also can't get on buses as i have an axiety problem and had a panic attack last time i attempted a bus :( i am just feeling very down right now i'm sorry for the rant just needed to get it all out x

[racheld33]

Oh MrsR

Just wanted to send you a very very big hug and

I am so sorry you feel so sad at the moment. Unfortunately pregnancy hormones definately make every thing feel a lot worse (I cried this afternoon whilst watching Sister Act!)

It's so hard when people are not supportive, especially when you need them most. So many people have a small age gag, whether planned or not, and they do brilliantly. Yes it will be hard at times, but your children will be able to grow up together, and people should be happy for you!

In 7 months you will have a gorgeous new baby and you'll be so happy this will all feel like a long time ago, so get yourself a hot chocolate and enjoy your pregnancy xxx

[mrsR1991]

Racheld33, Thank you. You're right the hormones are crazy! i almost cried reading your post! Yes i wanted them close in age for that reason! i would love for them to be close with eachother. I guess i just need to ignore all the negativity from people xxx

[Snowflakepie]

Hugs to you MrsR, what a difficult situation. Your hormones will be everywhere and people being negative doesn't help. Try to focus on your lovely DD and OH and know that you are making a loving and supportive family of your own. You may be young but hardly irresponsible, and 18 months is completely usual as an age gap. I have also had negative comments but for the opposite reasons, I am 35 and my DD will be 3.5 when DC2 arrives. My family have been utterly uninterested other than to comment on birth defects and sibling rivalry, and two of my SIL have health issues affecting fertility. Luckily I have amazing friends locally and don't see my family much so just put it out of my mind as much as possible, and all the scans have been fine. As for rivalry, I think that can arise in any situation, but they can't help but be down on me. That's life.

Try to think positive, rant all you want and there will always be someone around here to be happy for you if you need it! Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy x

[mrsR1991]

snowflakepie, Thank you. i am sorry to hear people have been negative to you too. i don't think it matters how old parents are when they have children as long as they can cope and love there children what does it matter? i bet you are a great mum and you little one will love being an big sister :) im assuming DD means daughter? i am so confused with all these abbreviations... :-/ xxx

[worsestershiresauce]

It doesn't matter what age you are, or how close your kids are, there will always be someone out there who will struggle to be happy for you for their own reasons.

I'm 40, my baby is planned, but my SIL won't go to any family events I am at because she recently had a mmc and finds my bump too much to cope with. She is 27 so has years to have kids, whereas I have very few, so a small part of me would like her to be able to grit her teeth and force out a pretend smile. Similarly there was a thread on here recently where various (young) posters thought it ok to making sweeping statements about how older women (such as myself) make sh*t parents because we are too over the hill to be able to play with or communicate with children... oh and our kids will get bullied for having an ancient mum. Nice.

So ignore them all, focus on your family, and be happy, because it doesn't matter who you are or what your circumstances there will always be someone who just can't be nice.

[Msbluesky32]

Poor you. Just focus on your lovely growing family and ignore the comments of those who can't be happy for you. Age doesn't really come in to it and its not their decision to make. Try and relax and don't let them get you down!

worsestershiresauce I has no idea there were posts like that on here, how awful for you and everyone else to have to read that! I'm sorry. Having had a wonderful childhood growing up with my grandparents as parents (who were in their 60s and 70s at the time) I'm appalled. I had an amazing upbringing, never wanting for anything. Age really shouldn't come into to it - there is no such thing as too young or too old.

[lookingfoxy]

I think 18 months is a good gap, me and my older brother have 2 years between us and we grew up playing together and were a good team, most of our friends had similar age gaps so I would say its very normal.

As for your age, I think its a good one if your mature enough and you sound it. I wish I had mine earlier, had first at 30 and pregnant for 2nd time at 37, I am blooming knackered all the time and my age is definetly something to do with that!!

Your building your own wee family, do just do whats right for you and try to ignore the negativity, I know its hard though Im getting some myself for the opposite reasons to yours and im very emotional with the hormones!!

[Mog37]

Just wanted to send hugs.

For what it's worth, there's less than two years between my two eldest and while it was hard work at times (as you'd expect) it was worth it. They're very close and play really well together. They have a great relationship.

I will also say that I'm now pregnant with number three and have struggled with feeing really depressed each time. The panic attacks, not leaving the house, not being able to talk to people etc all sound very familiar to me. Perhaps if you carry on feeling so bad, you could look up antenatal depression and maybe talk to your midwife or GP? My midwife is very understanding and just talking to her made me feel better. I also find (though it can be hugely hard to make myself do it) that exercise is good, just leaving the house for a walk really really helps on my bad days.

Anyway, thinking of you.

[mrsR1991]

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I'm afraid i now have more to add i have just found out that my parents have been in contact with one of my sisters who i have fallen out with quite a lot over the years as she has said a lot of nasty things to me in the past and practically said i would be a rubbish mother. i found out they have sent her eldest a birthday present which i find extremely weird as she is nothing to do with them (i am adopted remember) and they havn't seen my daughter-their grandchild!- since May!! in the past when iv argued with mu sister they have stuck up for her when she was the one being nasty! i find it very upsetting that they won't bother with me but talk to my sisters! :-/ also our plug sockets in our house keep packing in and causing our electric to short circuit all the time! grr everything is really getting on top of me i feel like crying i'm sorry for ranting :( anyway thanks for the comments and i will try and keep my chin up xx

[mrsR1991]

after a good night sleep and a good chat with my partner i am feeling a little better :) xx

[racheld33]

Glad you're feeling a bit better MrsR

[mrsR1991]

Thank you :) i just need to keep looking on the bright side although a lot of things are still annoying me but it's nothing i can't handle :) thanks again xxx