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Pregnant and really don't think I can do this.

(42 Posts)
OhThePlacesYoullGo Sun 02-Dec-12 13:32:07

Having taken five pregnancy tests over the last three days, it is slowly starting to sink in that this is actually happening. This is not a planned pregnancy and I am scared out of my mind. I am only 23, in the first year of my doctorate and this is just not how things were meant to happen. I am in a relationship, but he is also still studying and has another year left before finishing med school. We only started dating a few months ago. I just don't know what to do. I haven't told anyone (including him) and have not stopped crying since finding out I am definitely pregnant. We always used protection. Always. I can't afford a baby, I have no idea how I could continue studying/working if I had a baby, I don't know how to take care of a baby, I have no family, none of my friends have children, I live in a flat share, ... I never thought this would happen to me.

I know I need to tell him and go to the GP, but I just can't. That would make it real and I can't do this. I am so scared.

Could someone please tell me it'll be ok? That I will magically figure out how to handle this. That my life isn't over. That I would not be a terrible mother.

OhThePlacesYoullGo Mon 03-Dec-12 17:40:44

Seeing GP tomorrow, but my specialist saw me after work today (am currently on placement in the same department where I am also a patient, suddenly quite convenient) and has referred to me to obstetrician. So now two people know. I still feel like I'll wake up any minute and it was all just a bad dream, though boyfriend seems positively excited now. He also seems to think we'll be great at this, which is reassuring though I am still not entirely convinced.

Again thank you to all of you for your lovely messages. Think if I hadn't posted on here I would have spent another week catastrophising and pretending that I really believed that I am throwing up constantly and feeling shoddy because I have a bad cold.

June, I have no idea either. I struggle to understand some of the abbreviations used on here too. Have figured out that p is partner and c is child, etc but was does the d in front stand for?

Jojoba1986, I will find that thread, thank you.

ICompletelyKnowAboutGuineaPigs Mon 03-Dec-12 20:33:32

The 'D' is for darling or dearest. I still struggle with some of the abbreviations. Especially DP because it always sounds really rude to me blush

There is a list of acronyms here

OhThePlacesYoullGo Mon 03-Dec-12 20:37:48

Thanks ICompletelyKnowAboutGuineaPigs. smile

CheerfulYank Tue 04-Dec-12 06:42:32

Aw, darlin'. It is hard! I was 24 and married (for about three weeks) when I unexpectedly got pregnant. I remember walking to the shop to get the test and whispering "please no, please no, please no!" under my breath.

My DH and I were terrified, we hadn't even thought of having kids for a few years! Now our son is five (I can't believe how fast the time has gone) and he is, quite simply, my entire heart. I can't tell you how much we love him. DH is an incredible dad despite not being ready and having no experience, and we are expecting number 2 in May. smile

Thinking of you! It can be quite scary.

ohfunnyface Tue 04-Dec-12 07:07:39

Oh I'm so pleased you're feeling happier and he is supporting you!

Another one here with an unplanned pregnancy- I'm 27 and it was five days after being promoted- terrible timing!

27 weeks now and couldn't be happier. It's just taken me a while to get my head round it all.

MrsHoarder Tue 04-Dec-12 07:14:58

I was 25 and doing a post grad degree when I discovered I was pregnant. The course administrator (who runs the department) was one of the first people I told, she helped me work out a plan for when to stop, where to get financial help and how my studies would start again.

There is help, you will be able to do it and your life will still be good even if you aren't on the original plan completely.

OhThePlacesYoullGo Tue 04-Dec-12 12:56:53

It's so nice to hear how things turned around for those of you who were in a similar situation. CheerfulYank, I know it's silly, but at the moment I am still not all that positive and the thought that I would possibly end up not loving this baby is really scary, so thank you for telling me about your son.

On another note my boyfriend has suggested we name the child Tummy Bug Surname, as that's what I kept telling him was wrong with me. Think it has a nice ring to it...

newby2 Tue 04-Dec-12 14:25:49

Hiya, I've been following with baited breath and so relieved for you. My partner and I were together 5 months and BINGO pregnant. Luckily both settled in jobs but not in houses.

Four years later still together expecting 2nd child and have grown together and learnt about each other through having a baby and wish we'd met and started earlier!

People always say this but it's so true- babies need so little for the first year at least that you will be fine where-ever you are. I have a busy career and life has changed so much for both of us. It can work. Well done you.xxx

CheerfulYank Tue 04-Dec-12 14:36:00

It's ok to not be sure! I wasn't sure until DS was about 4 months old. smile Sometimes I still have those moments, where he'll say "Mama?" and I'll think, "who, me?"

I used to think it was because we didn't plan for him, but this baby I'm carrying now was very planned and I still feel a bit unsure sometimes...how I will cope with two, what if I don't have enough attention, etc. I think it's just normal to not feel ready no matter what!

When I found out I was pregnant with DS I called DH crying (he was staying overnight at his parents' after hunting with his brother) and asking him to come home. He said "I can't, I'm too drunk to drive!" hmm I remember thinking "well THIS is a lovely beginning..." He was terrified for about a day and a half but has been nothing but a completely enthusiastic dad since then. He and DS are very close and it makes me love him even more.

My parents were a bit unsure at first (they started having kids in their teens and were only in their 40's when I got pregnant), felt too young themselves, all of that. But they have been completely over the moon for DS since the second he was born and now all they can say is how lucky they are to be young grandparents and have so much time with him. smile

I was worried about having no mom friends too. My best friend still doesn't have kids actually! But it was really kind of nice. I made friends with kids through baby and toddler groups, and then also had my friends without kids to talk about non-kid stuff, go out for drinks etc.

I would suggest to not be afraid to ask for help, if you're feeling ill or depressed or overwhelmed at any point. It's perfectly normal! It can be hard to do (at least it was for me!) but ask for help and keep asking until someone listens. And trust yourself. smile Those are the things I remember most.

CheerfulYank Tue 04-Dec-12 14:36:49

Oh and I like Tummy Bug Surname...we almost named DS We-Don't-Understand-How-Ovulation-Works Surname. wink

OhThePlacesYoullGo Tue 04-Dec-12 23:03:28

newby2 boyfriend and I have also been together for five months!

CheerfulYank, like the story about your parents. Have not yet met boyfriend's parents (they are constantly abroad), so our first encounter will be us having to tell them that I am pregnant. Hope they don't completely hate me.

RileyTheLittleMonster Tue 04-Dec-12 23:48:37

ohthe I was going to answer when you first wrote this post, but i thoughy I'd let the wiser woman answer first!

You'll get through it if your in it together I wish you all the luck possible!!

I'm 18, in the 1st year of college doing health and social care, boyfriend just been fired due to illness and I'm 8stone and still loosing weight... lost two babies this year, real bad situation!!

But I think if you believe In each other you can get through any situation grin

If youve missed three period are you not 12 weeks instead of 5?

Best of luck to you!!

Jenda Wed 05-Dec-12 00:23:34

Just wanted to say good luck. Also that when you mentioned your boyfriend staying with that lady in labour it made me cry a little bit (im pathetic) because what a kind and lovely man your baby will have for a daddy! You will be fine. You have a supportive partner and are clearly a clever girl. Im the same age as you, no kids yet
and I would feel the same as you,except for im in a doss job instead of doing a doctorate. Everyone says there is not really ever a good time to have kids,you will just managed. You will still get your career you might just have a little baby pitstop on the way! Also as someone said,you will meet lots of other mums through baby. Get yourself involved in as much as possible so you don't feel isolated.

Hope all goes well with the drs, let us know!

ItsMyLastOne Wed 05-Dec-12 13:22:45

I'm glad to hear things are more positive now, and that your boyfriend is so supportive.

I know I told you my sister's story up there ^ but I also fell pregnant (a week after she did!) and it was a total shock. I was also 23, but DP and I had been together for just over 2 years and engaged for 3 months. I felt far too young to have a child, and had so much planned in terms of study and career. I was also convinced he wouldn't want the baby. We'd never discussed children, but mainly because I was told I was infertile so it just wasn't on our radar at that stage. I was so shocked that he was so excited, and waited, ooh, about 5 minutes before telling family! wink I would never have planned it like this, but we now have an amazing toddler and I'm 2 days overdue with our second child.

Sometimes things don't work out how you expected, but it can be a blessing, even if it does feel terrifying at first. FWIW, I still feel terrified, even now, at the idea of being a mum, let alone a mum of two! shock

OhThePlacesYoullGo Wed 05-Dec-12 18:55:01

RileyTheLittleMonster, sounds like you are going through a pretty tough time at the moment. Hope everything works out for the two of you as well!!!

Jenda I am starting to think of it that way. Think it has just been a bit of a shock and I got myself worked up by not talking to boyfriend and letting myself dwell on all sorts of worst case scenarios, which as boyfriend pointed out is quite ironic given what I do for a living. Also he is awesome, you are right. smile

ItsMyLastOne good luck with baby number 2!!!

RileyTheLittleMonster Wed 05-Dec-12 19:24:29

OhThePlacesYoullGo I am and it scared me but I know we will be sorted by the time our little siddy is hear smile

Good luck to you and your boyfriend and congratulations on your pregnancy grin

RileyTheLittleMonster Wed 05-Dec-12 19:25:40

Here** bad spelling blush

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