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Original poster

How will I cope? *complex situation* ;(

55 replies

Dozeyland · 03/11/2011 21:52

Hi,

I am a 1yr old DD, and nearly 12 weeks pregnant with dc2. DP & I are happy but there is another issue along side this.

DP was in a car crash early this yr and is now facing 2-3yrs in prison. effective from either this monday or in 4 weeks. (could possibly be halved)
There is lots of evidence, and its a very complex issue. in no way am i being bias, but it was a dreadful freak accident with dp was on his way to a job. the other driver died due to his vehicle being a lot smaller and not wearing a seatbelt. so my poor dp is bearing the brunt.

he is amazing, his strength astonishes me and he just makes my heart melt.

I just dont know how i'm going to cope. being alone at night (use to him being at work in the day) and him missing DD growing, and the birth of DC2. We have a great family network but i just cant bare the thought of him being in prison with proper criminals. his barrister said you're not a criminal, these things happen. but someone has to be responsible.

i am just so all over. happy but cant feel excited for DC2. how am i going to do it alone, emotionally knowing the love of my life is being punished and away from us.

;(

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozeyland · 03/11/2011 21:53

have a *

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozeyland · 03/11/2011 21:54

w also got told only on tuesday that he could go away on monday or within 4 weeks. just before christmas.

:(

we've just got our house too. all settled, now this ;(

OP posts:
isthisnameavailable · 03/11/2011 22:02

I'm so sorry for you.
These things do happen.

I hope you are surprised by a judge who makes a more considerate descision.

Often people think they're facing more time than they actually get.
Also there's you can do half of the sentence outside on tag.

Many families are affected by loved ones in prison, not all criminals, or even guilty.
You could go to www.prisontalk.com to get in touch with other people who're going through being without a loved one due to prison.

You will have the strengh to get through this, because when we have to cope we just do. You're underestimating your strengh as a woman and a mother x

Original poster
Dozeyland · 03/11/2011 22:14

Thank you.

Will check out the website.

hopefully he can do some of the time on tag.

some days im strong, the next i feel weak. he is amazing though. truly is.x

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozeyland · 10/11/2011 21:17

DP is going to be sentenced on 2nd December, all of the family & friends, people who know him are getting every reference they can for his pre-sentence report. and hopefully one from the family of the man who died - as the last day in court the family came up to dp and said how much they dont blame him, it was an accident, and dont want him to go to jail etc.

i just cant bare the thought of the next time we'll be in the court room, i'll either be leaving with or without him - :( :( :(

OP posts:
blushingbaby · 10/11/2011 21:32

i just wanted to say how so so sorry i am for you. I have been in a very similar situation with my dh but i have to say (thank god) he was found innocent and sent home! I'm so so sorry for you and your family. I really hope your taking him home on the 2nd.

Original poster
Dozeyland · 10/11/2011 21:50

Much appreciated. Its so hard to imagine him not being here, and also at the birth of our next dc. ;-(

OP posts:
Harecare · 27/11/2011 22:03

Oh my goodness. That is my worst nightmare to have to go to prison for a car accident that I couldn't have prevented. So sorry. I hope he gets off.

NatashaBee · 27/11/2011 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 27/11/2011 22:15

How are you doing Dozeyland?

What a horrible situation for everyone. Thinking of you.

my2centsis · 28/11/2011 02:06

no advise sorry but just wanted to say am thinking of you xo

yummicheddars · 28/11/2011 11:53

Just read your post. Really my thoughts are with your and ur family, ur dh is being so strong! I hope u get the best outcome able. hugs

ChristinedePizanne · 28/11/2011 12:05

I am so sorry you're going through this :( I just heard a really good programme on Radio 4 about this very subject. Unfortunately it's not available to listen to again, but there are some links on the programme's webpage which you may find useful - a lot of women on the programme said they found String of Pearls an absolute lifeline.

Prisoners' Women

Best of luck

AlexTasha · 29/11/2011 20:30

Good luck for the 2nd! My thoughts are with you. Please let us know and fingers crossed xx

lisaro · 30/11/2011 03:22

The other person's family will never see them again. Surely they are worse off.

georgethecat · 30/11/2011 09:32

That isn't a particularly helpful statement, the support given in this thread is for the pregnant lady in the centre of this situation who did not commit a crime and is worried about how she will cope with a court case and the results of the court case. When a crime happens there are victims on all sides x Hope you get the support you need OP whatever the result.

yummicheddars · 30/11/2011 10:32

There is no knowing the truth of what really happened, may it of been the persons who's died fault or the dhs, it could of been just an accident, that both parties where to blame for. Or maybe even just a fault on the road from a slippery surface, I hope that dozeyland u are ok, and have plenty of support from family and friends, must be a very tough time for all of u and the family of the lost one. But people have to understand that accidents do happen, and I'm sure that ur dh never wished this on anyone. As iv said before.. My thoughts are with u all involved. Good luck and I hope u get the best outcome able.

lalabaloo · 30/11/2011 12:27

Thinking of you, the next couple of days especially, let us know how everything goes, you will find lots of support here regardless of the outcome. I am hopeful that if the family are even saying it was an accident that couldn't be helped then that should go in your DH's favour. Good luck with everything, wishing for the best possible outcome

yummicheddars · 02/12/2011 16:46

Hope your ok xx

bushymcbush · 02/12/2011 17:11

I feel for you - really. And I wish you all the strength you will need to get through the months without him at home. Sounds like you have plenty of family support.

It's not true that somebody has to be responsible. My mum died in a car accident that wasn't anyone's fault. There was another car involved and nobody else died apart from my mum. But nobody was charged with anything either.

So whatever the complex circumstances were, your DP isn't being made a scapegoat because someone has to take the blame. There must be evidence that he was doing something wrong.

I'm not trying to be harsh, really I'm not. And i genuinely wish you all the best for the birth of your new baby as well as thr time you will have to cope with your dp not being around. But I want you to be aware that people are not sent to prison just because 'someone has to be responsible' when someone else dies in a car accident. It just doesn't work like that - it didn't with my mum.

Suze77 · 02/12/2011 21:43

OP, I've been thinking of you and praying for you all day. Sending hugs and warm wishes and hoping you're okay. xx

kiki22 · 02/12/2011 21:45

how did you get on? hope ur ok x

Mum2be79 · 02/12/2011 22:20

bump

NatashaBee · 03/12/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Dozeyland · 11/12/2011 20:16

Well DP was sent away for 20months, will do half for the guilty plea. The judge was tied, and he did say that the reason may never unfold, it just happens that the other driver died unfortunately. but that driver also wasnt wearing a seatbelt and also had an unsecured fridge in the back which broke through the cabin.

My DP is being so strong, it has only been a week since he's been gone and i feel so heartbroken.

must also add that one of the paternal sons of the deceased has desperately tried to contact our family to let us know the TRUTH about their families circumstances.

in court and in the papers is was claimed that the couple were married for 12 years, had 5 children, the man who died was the bread-winner, and they were a very happy family. and made out my DP broke all of this.

WHEN in actual fact, the couple hadn't been together for the last 12 years, she'd been lodging on and off with him, HE had 2 sons, SHE had 3 daughters. not a happy family. he was NOT the bread winner - his company went bankrupt.

SO in actual fact this woman has lied in court, and do you know the reason for this....?

So she can claim the 100k compensation for her EX husbands death, and not give a penny to his paternal sons, and when asked is she wanted an extra 10k given to the sons, her reply was "no put it in an ISA and i can live off the interest"

Very loving family.

The only family that was unbelievably happy was our and its now on hold, i appreciate the porr man passed away, but that woman lied in court. and that isnt fair.

all of this info is from the poor son who identified his dad, and just wants us to know the truth. a bit late for my DP but i do feel sorry for that man.

the man who died was 66, and had older children who had their own lives, own jobs.

our child/unborn child are defenceless.

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