Need a good heavily scientific resource to convince dh

[roary]

Just had mil here fir 2 weeks. Dh obsessed with potty training dd who is 26 months. She gets the concept but, IMO, does not have control yet. The two of them made a misguided pt attempt that was a massive fail and now dd is pooing in her sleep, presumably as she relaxes. We have stopped but #%^#^*,? Mil is an early trainer and all her kids and other grandkids were trained at 20 months. I need backup to convince dh this is not the norm and is not training with control. Help!

[LauraNorder]

I think the fact that their attempt failed massively speaks volumes!

IME (not scientific, have just potty trained 2 children) they will do it in their own time. DD was just over 2, she decided she didn't want to wear nappies and after 2 accidents that was it! DS was nearly 3 and needed a little (but not much) encouragement and was dry almost straight away too. Will be adopting a similar approach with DD2.

[LadyBiscuit]

It's horrendous potty training a child who isn't ready. I was badgered into it last summer and it was a total disaster. This time, my DS said that he wanted to wear pants to nursery one day and that was it. He has had 3 accidents since then but that has been it. The stress for both of us has been non-existant

[roary]

You would think so, wouldn't you? . But not : it is bc we've left it too late or didn't try hard enough.

[LadyBiscuit]

Your MIL is a knob then, sorry. I get really cross at this 'supposed' to do something by a certain age. My 3YO was very late to walk (20m) and I wasn't going to make him do it any faster by trying to force him into it. Potty training is no different.

[roary]

Agree completely but need good science-y book to prove it - pref one that discounts early training

[LadyBiscuit]

How about the Q&A on on this site?

[mathanxiety]

So your MIL descended on you and transferred her anxieties over your DD onto your DH and the two of them decided they would 'fix' the 'problem' of DD wearing a nappy? gaaaaaaaaagh

Back in the days of the dinosaurs MIL and her methods, mums were trained to do everything they could to make their children as completely independent of them as possible as early as possible, so that the mums could then devote their full attention to the full-time babies in their lives, their husbands. Here's a potted history of toilet training -- John B. Watson has a lot to answer for. Your MIL was a prisoner of her times.

This article deals with the question of readiness for toilet training.

There is absolutely no way, no matter what method you use, that you can up and train a child without any warning. It will end in disaster even without a misguided MIL calling the shots with her tried and trusted ideas from the dark ages.

Please have your DH sit down and read any of the hundreds of books and google the thousands of articles about readiness and approaches, and tell him his MIL must be told by him to butt out of this. The two of you need to be on the same page here.

[mathanxiety]

I love the advice of Dr. Sears generally. Maybe your DH could read Sears in general.

[Reallytired]

The age to start potty training is opinon. You and your dh have to decide what YOU want. You can find internet articles to back almost any opinon. I am not sure that parenting decsions are always scientific. In many ways you are best to parent from the heart as you know your little girl best.

Prehaps you and your husband could find some compromise. Maybe keep your lo in nappies, but offer her the potty at each nappy change. Provided that your daugher is happy with this.

Or maybe you could leave it a few months and have her in the garden bare bottom in August.