Better Late Than– Oh, Come On Already! - Support thread for late potty trainers

[eversomuch]

It feels like we've been potty training for eons and still aren't getting very far. I'm pretty sure we're not alone in this, so I thought I'd start a thread for anyone in the same position, and for those who have made it to the other side and want to convince us that we'll eventually get there.

Our story: We first tried potty training DD around 28 months and got nowhere fast. Tried and failed again around 3y. Now, at 3.10, she is finally in knickers during the day. We're 3 weeks in. The first week went ok; she did a few wees on the potty but for the past 2 weeks she hasn't done a single drop in the potty, hasn't sat on the potty all weekend, just does everything in her pants, including at preschool.

On the plus side, accidents used to really upset her, to the point that we had to stop trying for a while; now she just announces when she's gone and waits for help getting cleaned up.

She says she's afraid to wee or poo on the potty or toilet ... Not sure what to do. It's taken so long to get her to this point, that I'm really reluctant to backtrack now and put her back in nappies during the day. I'm just sort of waiting it out now and hoping she'll be ready by the time she enters reception in September (less than 8 months away!).

[eversomuch]

Ok, we're now nearly a month in and DD still refuses to do anything on the potty or the loo for the past 3 weeks and just goes in her pants instead.

thought it would be a step backwards to put her back in nappies, but am now thinking that it's just too stressful for her to continue & we really should give up for more. So depressed by the thought. it seems like she'll never be ready. she's almost 4.

advice welcomed. thanks.

[Rummikub]

Would a reward chart help? Or a treat is she uses it like a big girl? I didn't start potty training till my dc were 3 and I remember getting a picture story book about poo and using the potty. It seemed to help. Good luck!

[eversomuch]

We've tried sticker charts, rewards, bribery; we've tried not talking about it and we've tried gently coaxing her. Nothing works.

She's back in nappies now after a month of zero progress. Her preschool was a bit disapproving, but it's not as if we haven't tried. There's nothing physically wrong with her; it's a psychological thing and she's just not ready. We've told her it's ok, some kids just learn later and not to worry it. Trying to alleviate the stress it was causing.

Still, it's really depressing to be hitting the same wall again and again.

[Rummikub]

Ah ok sounds like you've tried lots of things. Yeah maybe she just needs that psychological switch in mindset. But how to make it happen. My youngest went through a phase of wanting to be babied at 4/5 years old so I did indulge her but then started saying no you can't do that/ have that if you're a baby and she stopped. Would something like that help her to switch?

[BugBugBug]

We've struggled with it with our DS. He's 3.3 and we've tried all different things to persuade him but he's not interested.

Think we're going to keep trying putting pants under nappies when we can and give him a prod.

But he's been ill the last few weeks so it hasn't been a good time to bring it up.

Sending sympathy.

[RaisingMissDaisy]

Hi, can I join? I just started a thread about the pooing in the potty business. My 3yr 9months old has no weeing accidents anymore whatsoever, but she won't poo in the potty. It doesn't bother me, I firmly believe that when she's ready she's ready and that's it, but DP is getting extremely frustrated and threatening to get tough on her. Eversomuch mentioned upthread "the stress this was causing" and this is exactly what worries me. I don't want any pressure to backfire into no poos at all and constipation. But DP and I are seriously going to fall out over our difference of opinion in this matter. I really don't know whether I am too soft and or he is too harsh

[eversomuch]

Well, after about six weeks of trying, we backed off around the time I last posted, and put her back in nappies. By the end of that week, though, she was asking to wear underpants, and shortly after that was doing all her wees on the potty!

Then she insisted on sleeping without a nappy, too. DH and I were a bit skeptical, but we let her give it a try ... and she's been dry every night since. (Not counting a few nights we were away visiting friends and I put her in a nappy to sleep.)

She still won't wee in any toilet and won't even poo on the potty, but I feel like we're finally making some progress. Slowly, slowly.

Good luck to you RaisingMissDaisy. It is stressful. I do think giving DD a little push early on to get her simply to wear pants instead of a nappy was the right thing to do, even though we then had to backtrack a little. But it's hard to know how "tough" to be. You're probably right, though that your DC will do it when she's ready.

[ladyflower23]

Thanks for starting this thread eversomuch. We started potty training at 2.5 and ds is now 3.4 and still hasn't got it. We have been having breaks and going back to pull ups everytime it hasn't worked as thought each time hes just not ready. Now considering his age and the fact that he can hold his wee for around 8 hours I find it hard to believe that he's not physically ready. He says he doesn't want to use the potty or toilet. At first he didn't want to wear pants either and wouldn't even sit on the potty but now wants to wear pants and will sit on potty but still won't do anything in it. he is now wearing pants and going in those at home and I'm using pull ups when we're out. I might now try using pull ups when we're out but with pants underneath so he still gets the feeling of being wet. Have tried everything to persuade him and finding it hard to hide my frustration from him!!!

[Oftheisle]

Hi we've been potty training our 2nd DS since he showed an interest at about 18 months he is now 3.5 and still has between 1 and 4 accidents a day. I have tried sticker charts etc but I can't help feeling he's just plain lazy and doesn't really care if he's walking around in wet trousers or not. Thankfully he's not at school for another year but the amount of washing is driving me mad don't know what to try next. Any suggestions welcome.