How to get a sensitive 4.5 year old dry at night?

[BuilderMammy]

DD has been a bit slower than most with potty training. She didn't wee on the loo till she was 3.5, and still had to get a nappy to poo in every evening till she was 4. She's 4.5 now and wees and poos in the loo like a pro, even in public loos, but we can't get her dry at night.

We tried her in pants at night but she had accidents every time and got terribly upset. On the most recent occasion, she refused to go back to sleep 'in case she had a nightmare' and stayed awake till 4am. She hadn't had a nightmare, I know what she's like after one of those and this wasn't it - she was just worried about wetting the bed again (but trying to hide that that was what she was worried about).

She's a complete perfectionist and doesn't want to do anything unless she's sure she can do it right. And she's determined to hide her worries from us; she likes to pretend that everything's fine because she thinks that what we want to hear, so it's hard to talk to her about things like this. I don't know how to get around it all.

In all honesty my instinct is just to leave her in pullups at night and let her work it out when she's ready (like she did with pooing in the loo; she asked for a nappy every evening for months and we didn't put any pass on it, then one evening she announced that she was going to poo on the loo and she did - and has done ever since). But my mum's been putting pressure on us, saying that she's going to be very embarrassed if other kids find out that she wears pullups and that we're not being fair to her. She thinks we should just put pants on her every night with no regard for the upset and lack of sleep it will cause; she reckons 'it will only take about 6 weeks or so' of DD crying her eyes out and trying to stay up all night.

Is she right? Should we just get on with it? Or do we start lifting her every night when we go to bed - from what I've read about this it doesn't seem to be recommended any more by paediatric urologists but lots of mums seem to swear by it? (On the other hand, plenty seem to swear at it because they end up having to do it for years!)

[mipmop]

Children become dry overnight when their bodies produce a certain amount of an anti-diuretic hormone. The hormone stops us producing lots of urine overnight. Without the hormone, they'll produce more urine. At age 4, chances are she's not producing this hormone so it's not a case of training her, any more than you can train your 10 month old to walk just because someone else's child walked at 9 months. For some children the anti-diuretuc hormone kicks in around age 6 or 7. It's the same reason that older people often have to use the toilet overnight- they don't produce enough of the anti-diuretuc hormone either. And no-one can train them either!

[Piratejones]

It can't be trained as it's a hormone thing, you just have to wait for night time.

[Purpleroxy]

You just have to wait. One of my dc was dry at night at just turned 3, the other nearly 6. Out of your control. My 6yo was desperate not to be in nappies, but the body decides when it's ready!

[Zucker]

I'd vote for using the pull ups for her. her body just isn't ready yet and why inflict 6 whole weeks of torture on her.

We did the pull ups at night and when he got to 3 or 4 dry over nights in a row we then went for the pants. He wet those only once and has been dry ever since.

[micah]

Who cares what other people think., and how will they find out anyway?

Both my DD's were nearly 7 before they were dry. If they mentioned it I just said 1 in 5 children still wet at night, so in their yr 2 class that was 6 children. DD was one, and asked her to pick out the other 5 who still had nappies.

Of course she didn't have a clue.

As others have said, it's hormonal, and biofeedback- the bladder waking up the brain when it's full. Nothing you can "train". And far easier to stay in nappies than deal with wet beds every night.

I had a rule- 3 (consecutive) dry nappies and try without. 3 wet beds and back in nappies. They were allowed to try on occasion like half term or in summer when I could dry the bed, but a wet bed meant back in nappies.

[micah]

Oh the other thing I have heard- pants at night can feel like nappies round the bum. It's best to try naked bum.

Not that I get the pants in bed thing anyway- I was always told "bottoms need to air" at night!

[Itsfab]

As PP have said. You can't train someone to be dry at night and ime daytime trained is not related to night time dryness. You just have to wait it out. At 4.5 mine weren't remotely close and it doesn't really matter.

Tell your mum to butt out. It isn't anything to do with her.

If it makes you feel better mine were older than 5 before they were dry at night.

[KatherinaMinola]

Ignore your mother, and wait. It's hormonal - she'll do it in her own time. If she's dry, she'll be dry in pull-ups. If not, she'll be...wet. And anxious. And uncomfortable.

It really doesn't matter when she becomes dry in the night.

[micah]

ime daytime trained is not related to night time dryness

YY-Both of mine were clean in the day, easily, by age 2.5.

[Athrawes]

Thanks everyone, this makes me (and I hope the OP too) feel a lot better. I too have a fairly sensitive, perfectionist 4.5 year old (boy) who wants to be dry. I am not pushing it at all as he too was slow to poo train on the toilet then one day "got it". I don't like seeing him upset and have been thinking I'd just leave it 'til he was ready himself. It is nice to hear that at this age this is a hormonal thing rather than a training thing. I reassure myself that they wouldn't need to sell night nappies for 11 year olds in the supermarket if there weren't some out there!
I will relax now!

[AllSorted]

Interesting responses. Our DD will be 4 soon and I was a bit concerned about t her still being in nappies at night. She has been day time potty trained since not much older than 2, but her nappies are very wet in the mornings. We have tried without a few times, mostly because she wanted to, but she wets the bed and doesn't even wake up then. So obviously not ready. Its nice to hear 4 isn't that late for dry nights.

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

Doctor normally won't be concerned until 7 years.

[snipsnipsnippysnip]

My DD is 6 and still wears 'night time pants'. I think your mum would be surprised how common it is. I was asked on a school survey thing does your child 'have a problem' with wetting at night and I said No. It's not a problem, it's normal so butt out.

[BadgersBum]

My dS was just turned 5 when we finally cracked it. He had a fear of wetting his bed too. We started by putting a pull up over his pants, this way he could feel the wetness but his bed stayed dry. We also took his potty into his room, got him up for a half-asleep wee when we went to bed, then left it (emptied of course) near his bed just to reassure him he hadn't got far to go in an emergency. After a couple of weeks of dry pull ups, we persuaded him to try wearing some of his older (less favourite) pants, then a couple of weeks later dropped the getting him up bit. One year on we've only had 2 accidents and he uses the toilet.

[papooshka]

My DS is nearly 6 and still in nappies at night. We keep trying to go without but just end up with a sodden bed.

[BuilderMammy]

Thanks everyone, I'm reassured now that my instincts are right. I'll leave her to it, which is what generally works best for her anyway : )

[Itsfab]

One of mine was upset he was still wet and I told him no need to be upset as it wasn't anything he wasn't doing, it was something he couldn't do and was out of his control. Once we had had a few dry pull ups we went without and tried. Had to go back to pull ups then tried again without. I don't buy them now and we have the odd wet bed but it isn't a problem and he doesn't get too upset now.

[Whereisegg]

My ds is recently dry at night, he's 7.10.
I have a thread about our journey in behaviour & development if anyone wants to read.
Lot of advice and tips, highs and lows, even some laughs