Need help any advice? Please?!

[Squabblesthedog]

Abridged version, we tried at 2.5 left it as he wasn't ready, he turned 3, we waited for the dust to settle on new baby then house move, then started him at 3.3.

We went cold turkey, nothing on the bottom for the first couple of days. By day 2 he was getting all poos in the potty, but no wees. By day 3 he occasionally got a wee in the potty if I anticipated it, but more often than not if I knew he needed to go he wouldn't go and sit, would hold it until he wet. At other times would sit happily for ages, listening to books, producing nothing.

Any time he was in pants he would wet or soil completely unaware it seems, and basically by the end of the week he still was only able to get the odd wee in the potty, mostly when I prompted him, but he would never tell me he needed to go.

The whole time I was very relaxed about it, we had stickers on a chart he enjoyed doing, I took him on short trips to the local play area/shop in between wees to build his confidence and keep things 'normal', but by the end of it he was so stressed and crying for his nappy back that I gave in and said we would leave it for a bit.

That was a month or two ago. For the first day or two back in nappies he would mention to me that he was going for a wee, or ask to use the potty for a poo, but after a week he totally regressed to nappies, doing nothing in the potty which we had kept around in a neutral way at bath time etc. I was kicking myself for giving up, but he was so so upset and just didn't seem to know he was weeing.

Last week when he had his nappy off he took himself off for a wee. Also he has been taking off his own pull up and being very independent about it, so thought he was ready to try again.

Bought new pants, which he was pleased about trying, and we started again. It is like back to square one, only worse! He won't go naked, insists on pants and trousers but doesn't know when he's going in them until it's too late, and this time he's having poo accidents as well.

Two wees in the potty over two days, both when I have heavily cajoled him to sit because he obviously needed to go. 4 poos in trousers.

I know it's early days, but he gets so stressed and his behaviour goes downhill so quickly I struggle to cope. I'm trying to be positive but feel like crying. I've had so many people hinting he should be dry by now I've lost confidence and it is making him so stressed and angry he must be really scared of it. He hits, shouts, cries says he hates the potty, but is so pleased when he manages it. I keep telling him not to worry and he can do it, but just don't know if I'm forcing him and he's not ready, or if he just needs some encouragement to get over the hump of it. He sits quite happily sometimes and tries but seems sad if he can't do anything.

Need a better day tomorrow, but don't know where to go from here. Will he just eventually get it if I leave him in trousers? Or is naked the only way and should I insist on this? I don't mind the washing or the cleaning up really, I just feel I'm failing him and not helping him in the right way. Does he need more time or should I just persevere now until he cracks it? Preschool in 2 weeks, they are fine with nappies but would like him to have made a start.

[Squabblesthedog]

Oh my goodness, that is so long, I am sorry. I am obsessed with this, clearly.