Calling it a day - how long to leave it?

[MrsDandBaby]

Have just finished first attempt at potty training 2.7 yr old DD. After 1 week we've not had one attempt to let us know that she needs to use the potty or try to get to the potty herself so I'm guessing she's just not ready yet.

Have had successful wees & poos if we get her to sit on it at the right time but don't think she knows the signs at all. I also have 7month DS who's just learnt to crawl and who's favourite target is the potty!

So how long should i leave it until we try again?

[BlackSwan]

OK, you can't give up! You have too much invested! Are you giving treats?

[reallytired]

Only you know how you feel. If you are getting nowhere with potty training then going back to nappies is fair enough. It is hard work having a baby and a toddler.

Does your lo use the potty when bare bottomed. I found with both my children they treated their pants as a nappy initally. I think that having a child bare bottom in the garden makes it easier for them to learn about bodily functions. Chldren also need to have accidents to learn to take responsiblity. If you keep on taking a child to the potty they never experience a full bladder.

If you do choose to give up then wait 3 months before trying.

[MrsDandBaby]

Not sure DD would appreciate being sent out to the garden half-dressed in the current weather conditions! :o But will definately try that if we can't crack it before the weather warms up

I agree that she needs to learn to understand her own signals as I could probably keep her fairly dry by taking her to the potty when I see the signs.

She was happy enough to go back into nappies again the morning (and refused to sit on the potty when we took her nappy off this morning) so I still feel that I should wait rather than struggle on. (also returning to work p/t in a couple of weeks so want to enjoy my last few days with them full time rather than in a stressy hell of spending no time with my DS and fighting with DD)

[reallytired]

If you are returning to work then that is huge change for your family. Even if your dd had mastered potty training she would have ended up regressing.

I agree its too cold to be bare bottomed outside, its all the more reason to wait until the summer. She might even decide she wants knickers before then.

[BlackSwan]

C'est la vie MrsD, I'm sure you'll have better luck with it the next time. I'm just jealous that you're taking a break from the hell that is potty training. Am I really the only MNer in potty-training jail ATM?

[RedHotPokers]

I could have written your OP!

Started potty training DS (2y9m) last Thursday. Have waited a while longer than we did with DD (she was potty trained by 2y3m), but are still struggling big time!

Day one - 5 'accidents' and 2 'successes' (both when he took himself to potty). Really positive!

Day two - 3 accidents and 1 success (we put him on potty).

Day three - total hatred of potty came from nowhere. Refused to sit on it, no successes all day .

Day 4 and 5 - the odd success when we managed to encourage him onto the potty, but he still had potty-hatred and did not intigate a single 'visit'.

Day 6 - back to nursery (so in pull-ups for longish car journeys but pants as soon as arrived). Initial joy at using teeny nursery toilets, faded to disinterest. No successes at nursery (mornings only). One success in afternoon when encouraged to try our toilet with childs seat - again not bothered about using it again after initial success.

Today - same again really. No interest at all, and no success yet.

We have stayed positive throughout, as have nursery. No negativity about 'accidents' on our part (probably been a bit too upbeat if possible!!), although DS has been a bit tearful when he has been wet. Its just like he was up for it initially, but when he realised it wasn't just a one day new activity, he's got bored and fed up. He has great bladder control (a good few hours between wees) and has been dry during naps.

He starts school in September so am mindful that I can't be too laid back, but there's a good few months to go before then. Do I continue in a chilled out way and see how it goes, or call it a day?

(sorry to hijack OP and sorry for epic essay!!!)

[baubleybobbityhat]

I wouldn't give up unless you have started with a good few days of actually taking her to the potty or toilet every hour and staying with her for at least 5 minutes to see if she performs (and then giving a smartie if she does ).

Children do well if they are simply told that they are going to learn to use the potty and give up nappies and wear big girls knickers, rather than letting them have a choice about it.

[RedHotPokers]

But what if they won't sit on the potty? And chocolate bribery fails to work?

[BlackSwan]

I read a guide online (which I bought in desperation) that says if you didn't get dry with previous attempts, then give it a rest for a month & then follow a plan which involves:

1. Getting the child to throw out all the leftover nappies themselves.
   
2. Telling the child they are a big boy/girl now & will do their wees & poos in the toilet
   
3. Ensuring that every time you put pants on them they are standing up, not lying down.
   
4. Telling them to tell you if they need to wee/poo, rather than asking them if they need to go. That's meant to be empowering. Regardless you still take them to the loo when they are showing signs that they do need to go (make a face, grab themselves, start weeing etc). You don't take them every 20-30 mins though.
   
5. Praise when they perform & some kind of reward.
   

On day 2.5 with my 2 yo DS we are still in a haze of accidents, though I am being a bit more serious when he soils himself. He has told me twice in the course of the training that he needs to go.

Thinking of making the rewards a bit more focussed - only gets a chocolate if he tells me first. Is that going to be counter-productive?