Why does this keep happening?

[NoWayNoHow]

DS is 3.3 and has been toilet trained for just over 3 months, day and night.

Every few weeks, though, he suddenly does a massive regression, and for the last 4 days, he has pooed his pants every day!

Two of these times have been lying on the floor OUTSIDE the toilet!

I don't know why he's suddenly going from having cracked it to just not doing it any more, but this is the second time he's regressed (first time just after Christmas).

Trying so hard not to be cross with him, but it's hard when he walks into the loo, says he doesn't need to go, walks out and then immediately messes himself.

We're trying the reward thing (last time, chocolate coins seemed to work in bringing him out of the relapse), but it doesn't seem to be impacting this time.

Any ideas/tips? Feelin so depressed that this keeps happening for what appears to be no reason...

[NoWayNoHow]

Bump

[megonthemoon]

This sounds a bit like my DS (2.10) except we're not quite so far in to potty training.

Tried before Christmas, no poo accidents, and dry by day 3. Then disaster struck - diarrhea on day 5 so we had to put him back in nappies as he got really upset by the accidents. Started again 3 weeks ago. Same thing as before - poos sorted from the word go, wees sorted within 3 days. And then he went to nursery who reminded him more often than I do, and he has completely regressed. Started refusing potty, screeching 'No' if I asked if he needed it then immediately having an accident etc.

I've taken the pressure off by not reminding so often and now I can get him to the potty, and can keep him dry if I take him every 2 hours, but he won't take responsibility himself (chocs/stickers don't work). Poos are turning into a complete disaster - has only done one unprompted in the potty in the last 2 weeks, and for most he doesn't even tell me he's done it where at least he does with a wee, and he has started saving them for the nappy at nap times.

He has great bladder control - can hold it for a couple of hours and then wee instantly when I sit him on potty, and is dry in morning and after naps. So I'm wondering if we need to be really brave and drop nappies altogether so he has no sense of a safety net.

And I also think we need to take the pressure off him hugely - so I'm only reminding him every 2 hours with gentle suggestion to sit on potty while we read a story, and that has already resulted in him being more willing to go to the potty. And I'm going to be very firm with nursery demanding they do the same tomorrow.

Sorry - this isn't helping you at all is it? Other than perhaps to show that I empathise - finding it so hard to not get annoyed. And maybe try to take the pressure off - don't remind him very often and just keep it light-hearted.

For me, this is the worst bit of parenthood so far!

[bondgirl77]

Gosh, there are so many messages about this subject, my DS, 3.2 is exactly the same! megonthemoon it's really interesting what you say about him being better when not reminded. I find it SO difficult to leave it up to DS to tell me when he needs to go - as during the times I look after him, at weekends and my day off, we are always doing quite a few things, like going off to supermarket or on trips in the car when I need to remind him to go before we go off somewhere. and also if I don't remind him he can go for hours without a wee and it can't be good for his bladder! This weekend he had a 'hurty' poo and think this has also added to the problem. I then found a thread on here that talked about something called 'sending poo to pooland' which is a leaflet/book to read with them. I mentioned this to DS as in 'isn't it exciting, when we do poos in the potty we can send them off to pooland'. So far we have talked about what pooland might be like (smelly, brown!!!) I'm not saying it has been 100% success but this morning I went into his room when I heard some suspicious grunting I went into his room and when I said 'do you need a poo?' he did come through and do one on the potty, when previously this question would have been greeted with a screamed 'nooo!' and an accident within about 5 minutes. It's only been 24hours though so not a qualified success yet! SO hard not to get cross with them though.

[megonthemoon]

Progress update from me (didn't want to say earlier as was in the middle of an experiment and didn't know if it would work!) I've just discovered that bribery does work with DS but not chocs/stickers!

I have had to take him to the potty every time if only a sticker/choc is on offer as he won't do it himself for that incentive - he is strangely unfussed by the offer of choc considering he a) loves it and b) rarely ever gets it! So today I offered a little toy car for 3 wees or poos in the potty (he likes counting so easy to offer stickers for each one and keep reminding him to count how many he has) and he has just proved he is miraculously capable! I bought 10 cars for a fiver in Tesco (I'm trying not to think about quite how extravagant a bribe it really is; I know it is probably very bad parenting ) and I haven't had to remind him at all, and he even got out of bed during rest time today and took himself to the toilet and climbed on it himself, which he has never ever done! And this was while wearing a nappy so he could easily have just weed in it!

So tomorrow I will push it to 4 wees/poos and then 5, and then a dry day and then hopefully by the time there are no cars left he will have got it. I hope. That could be where I have a problem - he could get so used to a big treat that we will have problems getting rid of them.

All my friends have told me that bribery is the only way, but DS seems immune to chocolate. I do have a friend who had to use a very big toy for her DD who found poos 'hurt' on the potty - she had to do 20 on the potty to get the big toy and the issue was solved well before the 20 were reached. So I'm hoping that we can do something like that with DS by the time the cars run out.

[NoWayNoHow]

megonthemoon, glad that's working out for you - when we first started training, we also had a "3 stickers then a treat" policy, and it worked really well.

Thanks for all posts, guys. Tried reverting to the rewards this afternoon - picked him up from nursery, showed him the chocolate coins I had for him, and told him that he could have one if he did a poo in the toilet.

After that, I totally avoided discussing it at all - I don't know what your DC's are like, but mine is so flippin' contrary that as soon as you want him to do something, he'll want to do the total opposite! Had success at his playgroup, and he did go to the loo there and get a chocolate coin. Will just keep it going until he hopefully forgets about the coins and gets back on track.

Just would love to know how to stop it from happening again in the future!