PND or just normal stress?

[Onthedowns]

My beautiful boy was born at 35 weeks and is a week old today. He's currently in scbu only has s feeding tube and been treated for jaundice so not poorly. I came home Friday and since then struggling. I have a 4 yr dd and I feel detached from her and snappy, it's not her fault and I then feel desperately guilty. My DH is trying to work as well as split visiting with me. I am trying to express by pump and only getting about 10-20ml each time, this is stressing me out! Trying to get my son to latch on when visiting then on the road to coming home. This isn't really happening. I am suffering terrible headaches most days and very tearful. My DH tries but I feel exhausted past two evenings I haven't been able to go to visit as my head has been terrible and I haven't put dd to bed in over a week. I am worrying about not being able to breastfeed especially as he is premature! People keep asking when they can visit and I am dreading people descending on us when he does come home. Is this normal expected stress or am I heading down another road?

[WanderingTrolley1]

I think you should mention to your health visitor how you're feeling.

[glowfrog]

Definitely talk to your HV. Also: it's only been a week! How was the birth? Was it difficult, a shock, or...?

You sound like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure: expressing, worrying about BF, about putting DD to bed etc. However - you have 2 children now and things here and there are going to have to give from time to time - and that's BEFORE taking into account the early birth.

Have the headaches happened before? When is your DH's paternity leave due to start?

As for visitors, pls pls pls find it in yourself to say no until you are feeling better/more rested and comfortable.

Be kind to yourself. You are dealing with a lot.

[glowfrog]

PS I also felt detached from my DD1 after DD2 was born... Came on here to ask for advice - it seems quite a common thing. Nature's way of making sure we focus on the new baby, I think.

[tiggersreturn]

You gave birth a week ago. In most cultures the woman is meant to rest and be looked after for the 1st 6 weeks. This appears to have got lost in ours and more's the pity! You're running yourself ragged between your child at home and one in the hospital. On top of that you're trying to express. Before you read the next bit please don't take it the wrong way but every one of my ds have been readmitted to hospital and i spent 2 wks readmitted with my premie dts with ds1 aged 4 at home. (I stayed in hospital with them. ) Take a deep breath, have a good sob (a lot of chocolate might help too) and remind yourself you're doing an amazing job. However, you do need more help. Of course you feel awful, you're separated from your baby. Does your hospital have rooming in facilities, would they let you stay and would you be prepared to if they did? Don't worry about the expressing. Firstly it bears little relation to what's in there whatever medical staff would like to think. I'm a good feeder but rubbish at expressing even with the twins. Secondly stress makes it worse as it only works well when relaxed so you end up in a vicious cycke. Thirdly and most importantly doing too much will affect your supply so you need to find a way to rest, sleep, eat and recover.

I'd suggest you post this on the premie board as lots of people will reply there. Also give bliss a call they will be helpful and a good ear.

Being in scbu is tough particularly not knowing when you will be released.

I know it probably feels like there's no one but you may find there's different ways to skin a cat. Some of those people wanting to visit can be useful and asked to provide playdates/tea for your dd. If you can't stay and if you can talk to the scbu nurses about kangaroo care. Don't focus on feeding but just enjoying skin to skin cuddles. Milk can restart and increase so don't focus on feeding and volume but on building a bond with your lovely baby. Oncethe baby is home everything will be much easier. Don't worry that you're damaging dd. I doubt my eldest even remembers i didn't put him to bed for a few weeks when the dts were born. He might remember that i made a star appearance for 30 mins for his 1st day of school leaving my mum in scbu to look after the dts with strict instructions on whose bottle was whose.

Get your headaches checked out asap. Especially if any blurry eyesight or swelling. Are you still under the community midwives?

You probably don't have pnd yet but if you continue like this you run a high risk of that plus burn out.

Good luck. It does get better but ask for lots and lots of help.

[tiggersreturn]

Also talk to the nurses about ways to encourage feeding. I was told to feed at tge same time they gave a tube feed to encourage association of fullness with suckling. Consider nipple shields as they can make things much easier with premies with small mouths, little energy but I was recommended to pump as well if doing that. If no sucking reflex i think they sometimes use dummies to create ones. Talk to scbu and bliss

[Onthedowns]

Thank you all! My headache eased a little today as drank more! The nurses are good they do have rooming in but try use it for preparing to go home! My DH is helping he's out of paternity until son comes home so taking off holiday here and there. He latched on for 5 sucks this morning! They have mentioned nipple sheids but also only works if you large supply of milk! Dd is very unsettled especially at night! With the expressing I snobby getting 15-20ml per express and he's on 57😱Ml

[tiggersreturn]

Talk to la leche. Especially about the nipple shields. Their downside is the sucking won't stimulate supply in the same way but if you pump after you can deal with that. Also the let down is slightly slower so it's worth expressing a few drops first. I found them invaluable for one of my twins who just refused to feed for 4 weeks

[Onthedowns]

Thanks I think it may end up that he is combination feed, as nurses don't think my supply will be enough either. He latched on for 5 minutes today and had on off sucks so getting there! He's slightly disadvantaged as I have large boobs! On the plus side I got 45ml from pump this morning nearly a full feed. I get impression they need me to make definitive decision I feeding as he is a well baby and now 36+2, so nearing term

[glowfrog]

Glad things are looking up, OnTheDowns.