Two under two

[FYZT1816]

I have two under two, my DD was unplanned she's 3 months now I find myself finding motherhood so hard.

I have very little motivation to do anything at all, my toddler DS is bored and I loose my patience. I haven't managed to loose any weight and I don't physically feel attractive.I go through mood swings and my relationship with my DH is rocky. We have both let ourselves slide and sometimes I feel like we don't make enough time for one another. We are also in the middle of moving house which makes me even more stressed. We don't live near family so we can't leave the kids behind. I just feel so down and low.

I don't know what I am looking for by posting this but I just felt like I needed to post this.

[AnnaT45]

2 under 2 is bloody hard! I have a 1 nearly two year old and a 20 week old baby. There is literally no time for yourself. Don't worry about weight loss for now, you won't have time to cook healthy food or work out IME! I'm going to start in January as feel like I can probably start finding 20 mins here and there to work out, but if I can't then no stress.

I feel bad too as have little energy to play with toddler. Do you get to the park or out for a walk much? I find that helps as passes time too!

In terms of you relationship I feel like mine is on the back burner for the short term. Once the baby is a bit more settled we plan to make time to go out on our own but it's just so hard at the moment. I think being open with each other helps. It's not easy but every day is a day closer to them getting older!

[FYZT1816]

I'm just sat here crying my eyes out because I'm so bloody tired and I have a crap load of laundry to do. It's so hard. I know I'm not alone and there are plenty of women who are going through the same thing but I still feel crap

[wheelwithinawheel]

What worked for me with my 14 month gap DD and DS was to talk myself into battle mode! I resolved to attack the crap out of coping (even when I wasn't). The change of mindset did wonders - start by getting out, even for a quick stroll, every day. One in a sling, one in buggy and trudge away! The exercise did me wonders both with weight loss and giving me a mental boost. And organisation is key. You won't feel like doing it (God knows I didn't), but little things like setting out pjs for that evening every morning, do a fridge load of bottles if you're bottle feeding, make up a change bag of everything you'll need for going out and keep it stocked. Lower expectations too (I did the stupid thing of making mine even higher (!!) ironing pjs? Why??! ) number 3 has made me see the error of my perfectionist ways . You will get through this! Playgroup twice a week or however many groups you can cope with - for me a morning group meant I got the hard stuff done first thing in the morning with the deadline of getting there to gee me on. Then takes the pressure off for the rest of the day, so if you need an afternoon of CBeebies there's no guilt! Online shopping helps too

[wheelwithinawheel]

You won't feel like you're coping now - but believe me you'll look back in a few years and marvel at how well you did!

[AnnaT45]

Oh it's so hard, there's no shame in crying at all. Agree with wheel try get out in the morning. Yes, it takes forever and it's stressful but it's so good to get out the house. Then you feel less get guilty about TV in the afternoon! Play groups are great as other mums will see you've got your hands full and often help out a bit.

I've decided to become really relaxed about housework, the bare minimum will do at this stage in my life. I do try give myself one task a day though so put a load of washing on, mop the floor, dust etc. It's so much easier and then I feel like I've achieved at night. I buy really easy food so those chicken breasts in foil trays, stuff for chilli, a few ready meals! That way when you're on your knees with tiredness you or DH can quickly knock it together. Does DH give you much support? I feel guilty all day long at the moment but that's life with two little ones I guess. I know it'll get better and just think of the advantages of a close age gap as they get older!

Could you afford to put toddler into nursery or pre school for a couple of sessions a week? Or do you have family who would help out regularly?

[pitstop16]

Hi, I completely understand where you're coming from and how shit you can feel. I have two under two, currently 21 months and 11 weeks. The first few weeks were really tough, I didn't enjoy being a mum of two at all! But we've found our little routines now and I agree with the above comments, organisation is key! I pack the change bag every night with whatever I need for the next day e.g snacks for my toddler, nappies etc. I prep dinner and have my own lunch while toddler has her nap, does yours have a nap? In the early days I let jobs slip and would have a nap with the newborn but most days now I can cope without it! Sometimes baby is asleep while I do these jobs, sometimes he is in his bouncer chair watching me. Washing I tend to do in the evening when husband is around and things like hoovering, cleaning bathrooms etc I tend to do at the weekend or fit in during naps. We get out every morning to a toddler group or class, that's my little accomplishment for the day then we stay at home in the afternoon (for nap time) and play/watch CBeebies, it is a lifesaver!!

With regards to your weight, if you try to get out every day e.g to a toddler group or just a walk it will start to make a difference! And I also prep my breakfast the night before to ensure I eat something healthy!

It's an extremely busy life, and I do lose it at some point most days when my toddler is being particularly demanding/difficult but we survive! And sometimes have fun

[seafoodeatit]

Hello, I'm writing because in July that will be me (minus the house move because that's happening next month). I'm already struggling with dc2 (6m). I'm not sure what words of advice to offer, they'll grow up eventually and get easier I hope!