Got the hump, a little, with my friend, who happens to be the vicars wife...

[charliecat]

....we were chatting outside school the other day, and she mentioned her friend had died from breast cancer, i said OMG...and she went onto say that shed refused a masectomy(sp) I said OMG why? and she said TBH I think her culture didnt understand the consequences...
..then another mum came along, we were on the same topic, and she said my friend died, the other mum said, the one with breast cancer? She had left it in gods hands hadnt she?

And so I said nothing...i just felt she was cheating me(and herself?) by not being honest about the fact this woman had left it on gods hands and now she was dead.

Im going to hers on Wednesday. If it gets mentioned again what do I say?

[BuffysMum]

not sure I understand? The persons culture may have been to "leave it in God's hands" and not to do anything as in "God will heal me if it's meant to be and I'm wary of new fangled medicine" ie like lots of "church" people are wary of mental health treatments? Which isn't perhaps the same things as "I've made my peace with God it's in His hand he'll heal me" and being wrong......?

TBH if I had cancer without a very high chance of long term remission I woould probably not have treatment, isn't that the same thing? Like God if you want to heal me miraculously yes please but in the meantime I want to live life without being chopped about and full of drugs?

[Blandmum]

Treatment can aslo give you a better quality of life, even if it can extend it.

Thanks to treatment dh is eating his tea and is no longer writhing on the floor in agony, vomiting 5 times an hous.

How can it be gods plan for someone to die like that?

[charliecat]

I did wonder whether it was culture ting, no intervention or something, but when the other woman came along and said what she did I thought you didnt mention that.
She has left 2 little ones behind
I dont get how it can be gods plan for anyone to die like that MB, hence my lack of belief.

[TenaLady]

Leave it in gods hands is another way of not dealing with all the sickness and pain that chemo gives when treated. Some prefer to take whats dished out rather than fight painfully and lose in any case.

It maybe the lady in question had such a bad case that truly there was little point in fighting it.

Ive heard worse things said in the playground to be honest!

[TenaLady]

What I mean is that leaving it in God's hands is a bit of a saying isnt it.

[TenaLady]

MB just read your post, sounds like dh is responding well to chemo. TBH the folk I have known on chemo have been so ill with it that they would rather let go.

[charliecat]

I took it very literally standing next to the vicars wife Oh ill chill, I just thought...hmm if you had all prayed and she had miraculuslly got better it would have been gods will. But swing the other way and her culture got the blame...IYKWIM.

[Blandmum]

Tenalady, he has months to live. The chemo isn;t a cure, but is palliative. This is quite common now.

[MaryBS]

How close was she to her friend that died? Maybe she's struggling too?

As she's your friend, talk to her about how you feel, maybe she needs to open up and talk? I'm friends with a vicar's wife too...

[nearlythree]

People have very different ideas about God, and what God can and can't do. I don't believe in miraculous healing but I do believe that modern medicine is a gift from God to be used wisely. 'Leaving things in God's hands' is very open to interpretation - as has been said maybe this lady felt, given both her culture and her prognosis, that refusing treatment was her way of making peace with it and with God - maybe she didn't expect a miracle cure but just wanted God to be with her through it?

And being the wife of a vicar is v. stressful.

[BuffysMum]

Ah I see now where you're coming from! God's plan was for us to live in harmony with him without sickness, illness or death.

Then the "fall" happened aka they ate the apple they got kicked out of heaven and the rest is history.........

God doesn't like to see human suffering anymore than we do.

[nearlythree]

Hmm. I've never understood how two people who never existed eating a fruit that also never existed can account for suffering. I can see it's a metaphor for the origin of human evil, yes. But it can't explain cancer cells or earthquakes.

[LittleBoSheep]

Well im an aetheist so I cant comment about "gods will"

I know cancer treatment can be gruelling but I cannot imagine I wouldnt fight it with everything available. Until my children are grown with nice partners and dont NEED me I would have to be pulled from this life kicking and screaming (leaving my fingernails in the doorframe)

[nearlythree]

I can't imagine b/c I haven't been there.

Equally I can't explain why suffering happens, and it seems absurd to try. I like the Jewish idea: don't ask why?, ask what can I do?

[wrinklytum]

I do think this is a very tricky one.As an atheist I find it difficult when people utter this sort of phrase.However having nursed people who are in the later stages of their disease I do find that some people do choose not to have treatment and "leave it in Gods hands" as it were and have a strong spiritual belief.As a mum and an atheist I think I would be like MBs husband and Little Bo Peep,so do find this quite a difficult concept to take on board.We all differ though so I think essentially you need to try to respect the individuals wishes,difficult as this can be.