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Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Philosophy/religion

feeling ashamed.

15 replies

FizzlePops · 13/09/2015 07:45

Let me start my saying I believe in god but I'm ashamed to go to church.
My parents are Catholics who don't practise and I am unbaptised.
I'm order to get me into a good catholic school my parents told the priest I had been baptised abroad when I was a baby but the papers have been lost since.
They then made me take holy communion and go to church to keep up this facade.
Fast forward to now, id very much like to go to church every now and again but feel like I cant. I have occasionally gone to out local c of e church for Sunday service which I agree with more than Catholicism and feel more at home there iyswim. I was married there and I've had my DD baptised there but I feel as though I'm being a hypocrite as I'm unbaptised and to embarrassed to tell the vicar. I would like to be baptised into the c of e church but I have received catholic holy communion.
Can anyone advise what I should do?

OP posts:

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FizzlePops · 13/09/2015 07:46

The reason I was married there and my daughter was christened is because it was the church DH was baptised in.

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Dutchoma · 13/09/2015 09:20

Bless you, being caught up in a web of lies of your parents' making. It looks like they used baptism as a means to an end, not as a intention to lead a Christian life and wanting their child to benefit from an upbringing in the faith. None of it was your fault and God loves you no less because of it. Is there anybody in the church you attend you feel you could speak to, if not the minister/vicar/priest? There is nothing to be ashamed of. In baptism you will declare your love for God and a willingness to walk in His way, if that is what you want to do there is nothing against you being baptised.

Tuo · 14/09/2015 02:05

Please don't feel ashamed, Fizzle. You have done nothing wrong.

Please try to pluck up the courage to talk to the priest or vicar at the church you've been going to. S/he will not judge you but will be happy that you want to be baptised into the CofE.

If you really don't feel you can talk to the vicar, is there somone you trust who could act as an intermediary for you? Or could you write a letter in the first instance, and then follow it up with a chat once your secret is out in the open? I promise you that no-one will think badly of you for it.

Good luck.

FizzlePops · 14/09/2015 08:15

Thankyou both for your kind replies.
I feel embarrassed talking to people about it because it is wrong.
In some ways I wish they had just had me baptised when I was a baby but they have left me in a really awkward position now as an adult. They said they wanted the choice to be mine, but by doing what they did I think they have taken some of the choice away.
I suppose I should talk to the vicar about it, I do want to go to church and take my DD with me so I suppose I should do it for her. Then when she's old enough she can make her own decisions.

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Dutchoma · 14/09/2015 22:22

There was nothing wrong with your parents leaving your baptism until you could make up your own mind about it, the difficulty is for you that there was the deceit that they said you had been baptised to gain an advantage for your education. Lying is never good, but you didn't do it, so there is no need to take the shame onto yourself. There is not even a need to say to the vicar that this deceit took place, no end of people were not baptised as babies, my own children included as we were (and are) worshipping with a Baptist church where babies are not baptised.
Just explain you were not baptised as a baby and would like to be now. I had a friend who was worshipping with a CoE church but wanted to be baptised by immersion, so they borrowed the local Baptist church's baptistry and she went under with a splash.
It is not about the formality, it is wanting to follow Jesus and to commit in baptism to follow in His way.

FizzlePops · 15/09/2015 08:44

I understand what you're saying Dutchoma. I know there's nothing wrong with leaving the choice to me, but they then made me have my first holy communion in a catholic church without being baptised. That's what I feel awful about.
Do you think I should just draw a line under it and tell the vicar I'd like to be baptised?

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SleepyForest · 15/09/2015 08:49

Their is no reason to feel ashamed. The vicar will be very happy to baptise you if that is what you want. Or you can just carry on going to church as normal.

Dutchoma · 15/09/2015 09:25

Yes, Fizzle that is exactly what I am saying. It is no crime to take communion in a Catholic church when unbaptised. These are just man made rules which have nothing to do with the love of God. He will just hold you close and draw you in. The closer you come, the more you speak out about Him (and that is what baptism is all about: witnessing to the love of God and declaring that you want to walk in His way) the better your relationship with Him will be.

capsium · 15/09/2015 10:35

Just thought this scripture may help reassure you:

"37 All that the Father gives me will come to me; and him who comes to me I will not cast out." (John 6:37Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

buffyajp · 15/09/2015 12:23

With all due respect Dutch while it is not a crime to receive in a catholic church without being baptised it is against canon law. You may not agree with that as a baptist and that is fine but Catholics regard communion as a sacrament and is central to our beliefs. Baptism is regarded as the first sacrament and the gateway to receiving the other sacraments. This is why what the op parents did is very wrong as they would have known this as Catholics. That being said I completely agree that the op should not feel guilty at all. The fault lies completely with her parents. The vicar should be completely understanding of the situation and can arrange for you to be baptised if you wish. The only thing I would add is that you should maybe wait to receive communion again until you have been baptised.

specialsubject · 15/09/2015 12:48

if religion is about love and forgiveness (especially for someone who did nothin wrong) the vicar should entirely understand and be delighted to help. Bums on seats too...

go have a chat. I would firmly hope that you get a warm welcome and the ceremony you want.

Dutchoma · 15/09/2015 13:56

That buffy is exactly what I said: Canon law was not set up by Jesus, but by men.

FizzlePops · 16/09/2015 07:10

I haven't taken communion for a very long time and certainly not in the c of e church I've been to.
What a mess

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Dutchoma · 16/09/2015 08:16

There is no mess so big that God cannot sort it. There is a clear path you can take: speak to someone in the church you are attending without shame, but a clear desire to follow Jesus. Allow Him to help you to find the courage to do that.

educatingarti · 16/09/2015 08:23

Fizzle- just joining in to reinforce what others are saying about not worrying. I talk to the Vicar of the C of E Church. I bet you'll find it's not a big deal for them and that they're more sympathetic than anything else. You may actually feel a lot better about it all when you talk to them as well.

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