Is it normal to feel like I'm trapped in a cage when at home with the DC's or is it just me?

[wanttostartafresh]

Honestly, sometimes when I'm at home with the DC's who are 6 and 3, I feel like I am a prisoner in my own home, trapped and desperate to escape but knowing there is no way i can leave, even for a minute.

I don't feel like this all the time, i'm sure the winter and dark evenings are not helping at all. During the summer when the doors and windows are open and the DC's are mostly playing outside i feel fine, it's this time of year, when it's too dark and cold to go out that I feel like I am going insane. I feel incredibly frustrated like i just want to walk out the door and get some air and space but i can't as i can't leave the DC's home alone. Often as soon as DH arrives home I feel much better, it must be just knowing that now he's here I can escape if i want to as he will be at home with the DC's.

Does anyone else feel like this and have you got any tips on how to deal with it?

[Cybilshoeboots]

Yes, try and have fun with your children

[BikeRunSnowflake]

Me too! DS is only 15 months old, so I put him in is backpack and go for a walk. Often to a soft play centre or playground. I work Wed-Fri. By Tuesday evenings, I am really looking forward to going to work on Wednesdays!

You are right, the summer was much easier (I was still at home full time on mat leave then) - open the back door and let him crawl around the garden.

[deaddei]

Swap with your friends- give yourself a couple of hours off.

[Ewe]

Go out!

Wrap up warm, take the children with you, go for a long walk, to the park, feed the ducks, walk to a coffee shop and have tea and cake.

If you're feeling like that - and everyone gets cabin fever from time to time! - the only solution is to get out of the house.

[MrsMattie]

I feel like this often. It's why I went back to work . This time of year makes it really hard. Dark at 4pm and still a few hours left of little monkeys running around your feet...

I second going for a walk. I have a 4 yr old and 1 yr old and take them to the park. 1 yr old falls asleep in buggy, 4 yr old runs riot in the playground and I get a takeaway coffee and a magazine and try to relax (in the bitter cold ).

[RobynLou]

the library's our sanctury this time of year - i read the paper/browse books inbetween helping dd play/ 'read' /colour in

[wanttostartafresh]

Do you go to the park in the dark? I suppose i could do that, had just ruled it out really. I think the recent weather has only made things worse, i've been very wary of walking along our icy pavements with the DC's and also about driving anywhere, again cos the roads have been so icy, not so bad now but just before Christmas it was really bad.

I think I do need to go back to work, I'm sure i wouldn't mind a staying in if I have had a few days out of the house during the week. But will have to wait another year for that until DS is at full time school in Jan 2011. It is really only during the winter i feel like this, once the days start getting longer, i know i'll feel fine again.

Thanks for your replies, good to know i'm not alone and cabin fever is the phrase i was looking for, that is exactly what i've got.

[MrsMattie]

No, must say, I don't go out with the DCs after dark. There is a fair amount of DVD watching in our house at the moment . Board games are also a good one. I've been playing Snakes and Ladders and the like for about an hour each afternoon with my oldest over Xmas and it chills him out. Afterwards he is more likely to want to do something else quite on his own. bath time is always a good one, too. If in doubt, get the bubbles and the bath toys out, bring a magazine and cuppa up with you and sit on the toilet ignoring them watching them play until the water gets cold

[wanttostartafresh]

MrsM, yes, bathtime is a good one. But what i feel i need is just to get out of the house, but where to go and what to do when the pavements and roads are iced over and it's -1 outside and pitch black at 4pm?!

Oh well at least it should only get better from now on, the days will start getting longer and warmer. Every year I find the hardest bit is from october half term til christmas.

[claraquack]

I lived for a while in a very, very hot country where we couldn't leave the house during the daytime hours (in the summer, when we first arrived) as the heat was too much. I had a nearly three-year-old and a seven month old baby. I knew no-one, my dh was at work all day and there were NO indoor amusements we could go to. I literally WAS that animal in a cage, I remember just screaming at one point in frustration and anger. I have been in tough places since (in a farm cottage in the middle of nowhere in the middle of winter, here now on a small island with one playpark and very little else to do) but nothing comes close to how hard that was.

Errrr, sorry, in conclusion, no it's not just you - being in with small children all day is very, very hard. Roll on term time!!

[MrsMattie]

Can you invite yourself over to see friends?

[wanttostartafresh]

clara, yes, i'm so glad you posted! I had some sort of 'meltdown' a couple of weeks ago, i had hardly left the house for about a month as due to illnesses between the 4 of us we ended up staying in every weekend and by the end of it i was literally going mad and i did end up screaming at DH in anger and frustration just like you said.

Like you said, roll on term time and summer!

DH thinks i am just mad and he makes me feel even worse by saying that he thinks perhaps i am not cut out for being a full time SAHM. But i think even the most perfect SAHM would go mad if they were cooped up inside the same 4 walls with their DC's for a month.

Clara, did your DH know or understand how you felt when you were trapped at home? DH gets to escape every day to work so he has no idea and i really resent his judgmental attitude that the problem is me rather than the situation.

[claraquack]

Wanttostartafresh - my DH wasn't judgemental but no, he had no idea how I felt and still doesn't when I have my bad days. On paper, it sounds like I have an ideal life (well it is a lot easier now as my dd's are older, now 2 and 4, and go to toddlers/preschool every morning - even today they are at holiday shcool and that is to stop me going mad at home with them!), but there is only so much you can do in a house with two children of different ages. When you only have one, you can do all sorts of things - colouring and baking and games etc. But when I do this with dd1, dd2 destroys everything, or if I do it with dd2, dd1 gets jealous (etc...). I guess I am not cut out to be a SAHM either but it sort of happened through circumstance and I am glad that I have been able to have that time with my children.

I don't know have any easy answers for you except to say that I think what you are feeling is very normal. Getting out, wherever you go, will definitely help. Also kowing that this time will pass. Bach Rescue Remedy has helped me several times (and I am not really a believer in alternative medicine). I try and organise as much in advance as I can to ensure that I am not at home all day, waiting for dh to come home and dreading that call from him telling me he is going to be home late. And don't ever feel guilty about putting the tv or a dvd on for them, if it helps preserve your sanity that is more important than them watching too much tv.

[wanttostartafresh]

thanks again for your post clara, and i know exactly what you mean about it being so much easier to do stuff at home with just one DC. DD would love to help me in the kitchen etc and i would like her too as well and as she is 6 she is capable of helping quite a bit but DS is 3 and our kitchen is tiny and if he's around 'helping'.......well nothing gets done and yet he doesn't like to be left out of things and if i leave them both to play and get on with things in the kitchen then i am constantly running in and out to break up fights or see to their demands for a drink/snack whatever.

It doesn't help at all that DH is so judgmental of me and I am going to have to have a talk with him about his attitude (and lots of other things i have posted about on another thread)

[Laquitar]

You don't have to go out in the dark but if you go out in the morning the fresh air and exercise will raise the 'happy hormones' and i was told the effect will last for hours. So you will be happy in the afternoon even if you are indoors.

[Bensmum76]

Yes this feeling is normal. I work Mon to Weds and always make sure we are seeing at least one friend on the Thurs or Fri, we go out for long walks even if its freezing cold, we go to the library or soft play - anything to get out of the house. Sometimes I'm happy to stay in with my DS,2 but most days we're out of the house by 9am!!