What's the strangest/weirdest/most bizarre thing your Health Visitor or midwife has said to you?

(181 Posts)

Mine stunned me yesterday when she criticised me for swaddling DD for sleep. "But how awful" she said, "look, DD can't move her arms it's so restrictive!". Um, that's sort of the point... hmm

She also insisted that I wake DD from her nap, then spent 20 minutes trying to work out why DD was upset and crying. angry

This is the first time we've met (the HVs have all been swapped round in my area) and I'm not impressed! I want the old one back!!

seeker Tue 29-Sep-09 10:00:26

That my dd would 'get lazy" and not want to eat and also not learn to talk properly if I didn't introduce solid food before 6 months.

Not a midwife (not sure they exist in Oman), but the nurse on the ante natal ward insisted that dd's ears be pierced -not through the lobes, through the bit in the middle to let the spirits fly through and not possess her soul. I declined.

skihorse Tue 29-Sep-09 10:13:28

lol @ kreecher

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Tue 29-Sep-09 10:16:58

kreecher that has got to be the winner.

Mine was that babies don't really need winding (also written Miriam Stoppards book!) and that I should leave my 6 wk old DD to cry as she would settle herself (possibly from exhaustion of screaming after hrs on end if I had let her - I didn't btw)

My midwife when I was struggling to feed my first sad it was because I had a pendulous left breast. shock

Bucharest Tue 29-Sep-09 10:22:04

Breastmilk goes off when the child is 6 mths old.....(like all the bm we are ever going to use is stored in there from the go-get and we all have to transport our norks round in wheelbarrows), colostrum is what causes jaundice in newborns and at 37 there was no way I'd have enough milk (or strength to push the wheelbarrow maybe?) to breastfeed at all.

Bramshott Tue 29-Sep-09 10:22:19

My otherwise very sane and helpful HV surprised me by strongly suggesting (in 2003) that I should wean my 7 weeks early DD1 at 16 weeks . . .

kittybrown Tue 29-Sep-09 13:19:08

My dd was an extreme cryer. I went in to see the HV in tears saying all she does is cry from the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep. HV turns round and asks what I was like as a baby I say quite objectionable and she replied "well what do you expect then?". I just picked up screaming dd and walked out and refused to see her ever again.

She advised against cosleeping with baby because it might trigger my husband to commit domestic violence.

She was a big obsessed about domestic violence, btw!

My HV asked about contraception after DD3 and strongly advised me to be sterilised rather than DH having a vasectomy as I am a couple of years older than him 'and he may want more children in the future'. shock

ginhag Tue 29-Sep-09 13:28:41

To put breast milk on my baby's eyelids.

She told me she thought the advice about room sharing up to 6 months was rubbish and "all of hers" were in their own room by 10 days old.

She also suggested I limit breast feeding in case dd became overweight (she was born on and remained on 97th centile. She's still on it now at 2.5)

5inthebed Tue 29-Sep-09 13:31:19

So was she not holding out much hope of you and your DH staying together very long then LadyGlencora?

For the first few months of his life, DS3 (now 10 mnths) would only go to sleep while out in his pram. My HV suggested taking him out after every feed, for at least an hour at a time. All fair and well, but DS2 has ASD and is a bolter, so what would she suggest I did with him? Stupid woman!

I guess not, 5inthebed. Can't think why, except maybe she thought he was too good for me grin.

Meglet Tue 29-Sep-09 13:34:46

HV when she came to weigh bf DD at 10 days old "Do you think she's getting enough milk?"

No, I'm trying to starve her FFS hmm.

She had piled on the weight grin. HV seemed a little sheepish I have to say.

Miggsie Tue 29-Sep-09 13:35:04

"that's not fair"

....when I told her that DD had started sleeping through at 12 weeks.

(She then told me her 6 yo still woke up in the night)

and

At a weighing session: "are you sure?" after telling her I BF exclusively. How I can not have been sure that I was breast feeding (perhaps she thought I had a wet nurse?) She then whacked DD back in the weighing pan.

Followed by "she doesn't look ill,"...she was convinced a BF baby would be underweight and ill. and then "your breasts don't look that big"...becuase only large ones carry milk I suppose.
She didn't ask to weigh my breasts so I suppose I must be thankful.

bumpybecky Tue 29-Sep-09 13:37:57

ginhag, that's not as barmy as it might sound....

breastmilk has antibacterial properties and can be used to help eye infections in babies

the tricky bit is aiming right wink

Lizzylou Tue 29-Sep-09 13:38:55

After DS2 mine invited me to a "weaning party" for new Moms where I could impart my wisdom. The babies were all 12-15 weeks old.

I declined, I mean my social life was not exactly hectic but.......

Lol @ Manky's pendulous breast (sorry, am sure it is very pert really)

scrappydappydoo Tue 29-Sep-09 13:48:35

Oh I had disastrous 8 mth check with dd2 where she told me off for the fact I was still breastfeeding - 'she should be on a bottle by now'. Expressed shock that she was not sleeping through the night and said she may have to refer me to childrens services because I said I didn't want to do control crying and then to top it off told my just potty trained 2 year old dd1 to wait 5 mins before going to the loo as she just wanted to 'finish with mummy'. I walked out and have not been back since..

hambo Tue 29-Sep-09 13:53:13

LadyGlencoraPalliser - perhaps she had her own designs on your DP!!

Lizzylou, nothing pert here after 3 children, lol. grin

KERALA1 Tue 29-Sep-09 14:00:28

Midwife sits down. Takes off coat, jacket, jumper and caridgan so is basically sitting on our sofa in a flimsy t-shirt. Sub zero temperature outside. She then says "ooh your house is too cold". Grrr

"Formula is poison" (I was BFing but still)

"You can tell you've just moved in" cheeky cow we had been there for 2 months and done all our unpacking.

Ginhag that breastmilk on eyelids really works to cure those newborn eye infections so thats not so barmy I think.

Lizzylou Tue 29-Sep-09 14:08:18

I feel your pain, Manky grin

hanaflowerhatestheDM Tue 29-Sep-09 14:11:44

Having explained that DS would not take anything he wasn't feeding himself, she advised me to 'stuff him full of protein' to get him to sleep through. What part of 'will not take a spoon' did she not understand?

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