i love that you are taking the moral high ground that your child is having illegal under age sex rather than going clubbing...
it's ok to say no to either.
I am 37,I wouldn't expect to shag my dp at my mums house it's a respect thing-they know we've done it at least once but i am not comfortable/desperate to do it when we stay.It's sometimes good to be a mum rather than a friend, and if/when they split up will you let the next one sleep over too?

Naomi, I've said something similar to her, basically that if you're going to have an adult relationship then you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences - making sure no pregnancies & STDs being part of it, along with wondering why he hasn't phoned, if he fancies your best mate etc etc.

It's the first time for her and I think it probably is for him too, they are defo faithful, there is no way he has been out with anyone else while he's been with her - we live in a small town & they spend too much time together. If I thought she saw sex as a 'pastime' like having a game of table-tennis with a chum I would be disgusted & not let her out of my sight.

Something interesting she said the other day - "If I didn't have him as a bf I would be wanting to go out clubbing with X (gf) and looking for a fella" As it is, some of her schoolfriends go clubbing in our nearest city quite regularly, wearing skimpy clothes & drinking. At 14 & 15 ! She hasn't asked to go, which I am very pleased about!

The quesion to ask your DD is, if her boyfriend got her pregnant, would he stay with her? If there's any doubt in her mind they shouldn't be having sex. Can she be 100% sure he doesn't have an STD, and isn't sleeping around? If not she shouldn't be having sex.

I let my daughter's bf start staying over after they had been together a year and I talked with his mom about it first. Do what you are comfortable with but I'm on the side that I'd rather they were home in a safe place. Good luck! Barb

I was 14 when I met my DH (he was 15) and when we got serious about a year later, my mum told me that she didn't want me to have sex before 16 but that when I did want to (before or after 16), to let her know and she would come with me to the dr for the pill. She also told me about the need to wear condoms. I think for extra protection as we had both never slept with anyone else. She would only let him sleep in the spare room if he stayed over. We didn't actually have sex until I was nearly 17 at which time, I went to my mum and she came with me to get the pill. He was allowed to sleep in my room once we got engaged at 19 (he stayed friday and saturday night every week) but was told that we were not allowed to have sex while they were in the house (obviously we did, but my parents were none the wiser). I felt very lucky that my parents were understanding and supportive and it obviously didn't make me run out and have sex straight away. Here the OP's dd is already having sex but I think having supportive parents makes you more careful as you want to keep their trust in you.

I completely agree with not letting them sleep in the same room until they are older. If they really are in love then they will have lots of years sleeping in the same bed. I have after nearly 17 years and 2 dc's later.

Good for you. It won't stop them doing it just because you don't want them to but this way she will still confide in you. I intend to do this with my dd when the time comes.

Perfectly acceptable tos imply say that you don't feel comfortable with it and don't want them sleeping together in your house in this way.

My parents and DH's parents felt like that and it was ok. We were a little older at 16/17y so legal, but their house, their rules. And we respected that - when they we also in

Many thanks MFG, much appreciated.xx

LOL I dont think you can copmare to Alfie, that was ridiculous! You sound such a good mum, lots of my mates weren't even allowed boys upstairs, which meant many lost their virginities in bushes/parks/subways. Pretty gross and dangerous, and not how you want it to be.
As for 16 yr olds doing 'famous five' activities, yeah right, I was chain smoking and working full time! Id love my daughter to be watching the railway children and knitting scarves but its not going to happen. Its hard enough being a teenager (being 22 the memory is only too clear), we dont need to make emotional things more difficult. If she has proved she can be mature (and by calling him her best friend gets thumbs up from me), support her wishes. Good luck x

Thanks to Monkeyface & others for your constructive comments & kind words. My problem was the equating of the tabloid story of Alfie the 12-yr-old (who turned out not to be the father after all) with this situation. Irrelevant.

All I can say to the people who want their dds to be orienteering at 16 is - so do I! Or in her room reading Anne of Green Gables. Some teens will: her twin brother is very sporty & has no time for girls yet. It all depends on the child. Some of her friends have bfs at 14 & 15, many don't, it just happens that she's met someone she calls her best friend and, after 6 months, their relationship became serious. This sex at 15 stuff is a very long way from my own experience and expectation and I'm having to adapt & be way out of my comfort zone.

I, too, would have said "Why make it easy for them?" but changed my mind after advice from MN. My own first experiences of sex were pretty awful. People on here said that if it can be made nice & safe & in your own bed, than that was better than guilt-ridden, shameful and in a bus shelter. And eventually I came to agree. But some have advised that staying overnight is another level, and I agree and thank you for the advice.

I think it's perfectly all right to say 'I don't feel comfortable with you sleeping together in our house', without being naive or encouraging them to do it in a bush. Basically, what you are saying is, I don't agree with this; if you choose to do it anyway, then that is your responsibility.

Otherwise, you are giving the message that this is something I think you should be doing. If you don't think so, don't say so- either in words or not.

I don't think it's ok to smoke so I won't let my dd do that at home, though I know perfectly well that her friends are experimenting behind the school sheds. The fact that I can't stop her if she decides to do it is something totally different from actively encouraging her. Of course, I don't see sex as something as negative as smoking, but I am law-abiding, she knows that, I would not lend my house to anyone breaking the law. If she chooses to break the law, on her head be it. In my house she will limit herself to things I can feel comfortable with.

I think the OP has come to a sensible solution.