What do you do when your best mate's child turns into a little bugger?

[Picante]

Nothing to do with my friend's parenting - her 3 yr old ds has turned into child from hell following premature birth of his baby sister 3 months ago. He's become so violent - towards everyone.

Yesterday we went over for a nice quiet cuppa and in the space of 40 minutes he'd whacked ds (also 3) over the head with a plastic golf club, hit him with his hands then bit his arm - first time he'd bitten anyone.

My friend's well aware of the situation and is deeply apologetic, but I've got to the stage where I'm having to think twice before having them over. I'm worried something serious will happen.

Any advice?

[brimfull]

I would talk about it with your bf and agree a way of dealing with it,how she would like you to deal with it.

It will help her and her ds more if you actually both deal with his behaviour in the same way rather than you ignoring and her feeling awful and apologising.

[cory]

mutter under your breath "there but for the grace of God"

or, more realistically "never mind the grace: there in a year or two go I"

I know it's hard but experience has taught me that even the sweetest gentles child can suddenly turn into a little demon- and that's when you need the support of your friends!

it does sound like your friend is aware of the problem- so be supportive and talk to her and see what you can work out together

if you dump your friend now, word will get round and when your ds enters a less than attractive phase the whole community will dump you (have seen this happen)

[saintmaybe]

Your friend probably feels completely shit, is struggling and panicking. If you can possibly stick this out, you'll be a real friend to her.

I had exactly this when ds2 was born. Ds1 was vile to my friend's dd who was the same age, and now, 11 years later I still feel so grateful, and have been able to to be a support to her over the years too. I would now count her as one of my closest friends, and the children are very close too.

It is very unlikely that 'something serious' will happen; there are adults present! Accidents can happen when children are playing 'nicely' or even alone as well.

Could you offer to take her ds out somewhere to give him a break from the baby, or even better have the baby for a couple if hours so he can have some time with his mum?

Really hope this works out for you.

[crokky]

Totally agree with the others - my 3yo DS's behaviour is very difficult (have 1yo DD as well who seems to behave "normally") and I am actively not making any friends because I do not want to go through them dumping me or resenting me because of DS's behaviour. She's in a very difficult position and I would still see her, but perhaps sit much closer to the 3yos when they are playing so that her DS won't get the chance to hurt your DS.