DD11 has seen Internet porn

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

She came and told me straight away and said it appeared on her screen. She pressed loads of buttons and it went away. I said I would sort it out for her.

I've just checked her computer history of sites visited and worked out she must have been back for another look. There were security controls and I am not sure how it happened, but have been up there for hours re-setting all the parental controls. I have to accept responsiblity for them having not been strong enough to start with.

But where from here? I will want to talk to her tomorrow about what has happened but am not sure what line to take.

Has anyone had a similar experience who would be able to give me advice?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Are you sure she went back? I'm no expert but I thought that these things can go a bit crazy with loads of pop ups coming up once they start and you try and close it down but more pop ups come?

But whetehr she did or not then its good that she has come and asked you for help. Its obviously something she doesn't want to see again and if she did go back for a second look then I guess its only natural curiosity.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

SKSS - the site was in her 'history of sites visited', and I am not sure that would happen if it was just a pop-up and she managed to close it down.

I know what you are saying about curiosity - but she won't be able to 'un-see' what she has already seen. I can't quite get to the root of what has upset me so much about it - other than a sense that she may have been 'damaged' by what she saw.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Please calm right down or you risk doing far more damage yourself.
Your DD saw something she didn't want to see, she came and asked you for help, you fixed it. Don't make her think she is 'damaged' - she saw some pictures. She wasn't physiclaly attacked.
What stage are you and she at with sex education? It might be a good idea to make sure she has access to some sound, sensible reading material about sex and relationships: if she is 11 then she is certainly old enough to be curious and want information; the best antidote to wrong information and/or unpleasant pornography (she may just have seen some suck&fuck, it might have been something less harmless but don;t interrogate her for details) is healty, positive information about sex.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

SGB - thanks. I have not actually done or said anything yet, other than check the parental controls. I wasn't trying to make her think she was damaged, I was trying to articulate that I was worried that what she had seen might have given her upsetting/skewed ideas about sex.

Your comments about the 'antidote' are helpful. DD and I have talked openly about puberty, sex in relationships, some of what intercourse actually involves, pregnancy & birth - I think we have a good relationship. I've always answered questions honestly, without embarrassment and tried to keep things at a level I thought she could understand.

[SolidGoldBrass]

OK if you can talk openly with her then it is unlikely that whatever she saw will do her any lasting harm at all - ie even if it was something more alarming than naked bodies in contact ie fetish stuff, then you can reassure her that this is not 'sex' necessarily, that some of the things people depict in porn are not all that nice and not that many people do all of it anyway, and keep reassuring her that real sex (ie done with someone she chooses to do it with, who she likes and trusts, when she's older) shouldn't involve stuff she doesn;t like etc.

[Ozziegirly]

God the internet is a pain for things like this isn't it?

When I was 11 (and considerably younger) we would steal a parent's "Knave" or "Razzle" or even "Joy of Sex" and decipher it in the barn, giggling hysterically at the beards and giant afro muffs.

Now it's all horrid and sordid and the kind of more normal stuff is bunged in with really hideous stuff.

You've done the right thing though, in that you have managed to bring up a child who has talked to you about it.

I would suggest buying a book or two about sex in general and leave it lying around, or give it to her (you know the relationship best) and subtly mention that you can answer any questions she has.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

We did have a chat - I explained to her that as she had been panicked by what she had seen, I had tried to put some blocks on her computer to stop the pop-ups. I didn't grill her, kept it quite casual and she said she was not frightened or worried by what she had seen.

Trouble is, I think I have been a bit over-zealous with the Parental Controls, as she could not even access CBBC for DS today!!

[HuwEdwards]

No massive harm done I think, but could you not bring her computer downstairs?

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

Yes, I could Huw - so obvious and so effective. Will suggest we do that.