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Parenting

Anyone with a 4.5yr age gap between kids?

16 replies

usernametaken · 25/03/2009 22:24

We are going to have a fairly large gap between DD and the new baby. DD will be 4y6m when this baby is born. How did your older child cope with going from an only child to an older sibling? Had we had #2 earlier then I wouldn't worry so much, but DD is now so used to it being just the 3 of us.

On a good note, she is sooooo excited about being a big sister and wants to be involoved in everything. I don't think the reality of having to share my time has dawned yet though! I'm so pleased she is looking forward to being a big sister but I still wonder how she'll cope.

Please let me know if you have a an age gap of similar proportions, how did you handle the new baby and the run up to it arriving.

Many thanks.

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sweetheart · 25/03/2009 22:27

Dd was 4 when ds was born, we hadn't planned it that way but it's just how things worked out.

Honestly, it's fantastic! She loves her little brother so much and they are really close even though there is an age gap. What was and still is lovely is that dd was old enough to help out so she felt included instead of ignored when the baby arrived.

ds is now 3 and they have so much fun together - I love to hear them laughing like loons with each other.

Don't get me wrong - they are brother and sister and do sometimes fight, but not very often and dd is old enough that we can explain things to her.

sweetheart · 25/03/2009 22:27

I should say 5 - not 4! Whoops!

girlandboy · 25/03/2009 22:31

There was 4y9m between dd and her baby brother.

It was brilliant because she was old enough to "help" with the baby. The only thing I was worried about was that she was to start school when the baby was only 3 months old and I worried that she might think I was getting rid of her!

But she was fine and still is. As sweetheart has said, they still fight but she still looks after him, even though he is nearly 8 now and she is 13.

Gingerbear · 25/03/2009 22:32

DD was 3 weeks short of 5 when DS was born. She adores him. There have been adjustments - she has to be the responsible one and understands that a baby/toddler needs more time than her. But make sure that your partner spends time with the baby sometimes, and you make tiem to be with your DD alone, and it will be fine.

My heart melts when DD - now almost 7, reads a picture book to him, 'Where is the cow?' and he points to the cow and repeats the word. and they giggle together.

sweetheart · 25/03/2009 22:35

Gb - it's things like that I love about my two also. They both love High School Musical and they dress up and dance around the bedroom.

Yes I agree - your dd will have to learn to be the "grown-up" one but that can be made into a good / exciting thing. We have recently drawn up a chore chart for my dd which she is currently getting money for towards our holiday - I know it's a bit far off but there are ways of making out that being the "grown up" one is the fun bit!

When ds was born we brough dd a special gift from the baby. I think the less fuss you make of her being left out the less likely she is to actually think anything of the sort.

usernametaken · 25/03/2009 22:36

Thank you so much for such quick replies with tales of positiveness! Excellent!

DD is just so excited about all the things she is going to do with the baby, she has spent ages in Mothercare picking things out for it (she did this even before it was conceived)! She has already planned what she is going to teach the baby- this poor baby is going to be hothoused by it's big sister!

Thanks for the replies.

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girlandboy · 25/03/2009 22:39

Actually must just add on a humorous note - when ds is being rotten to dd she puts a wistful look on her face and mutters "ah, I remember when it was just the three of us! Oh happy days!"

sweetheart · 25/03/2009 22:41

unt,

if shes anything like my dd she'll almost take over as the mother of the house

In all seriousness it will be fine and your kids will love each other I'm sure (well most of the time anyway!)

usernametaken · 25/03/2009 22:50

Sweetheart "if shes anything like my dd she'll almost take over as the mother of the house"

Oh no, now I have fears of her being worse than the MIL with her 'helpful' advice and tips!

Yes, I think she'll think she is in charge, she has a bossy streak to her!

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handbagqueen · 25/03/2009 22:52

I can only echo what the others have already said, I think as they are older you don't get as much resentment. We did buy DD1 a special present from DD2 and DD2 gave it to her when she came home which she really loved. Also 10 minutes after we got home my family all came round to see the baby and all made a real fuss of DD1, she was so proud showing off her baby and it meant I could hand over baby to my mum and get to spend time with DD1.

As DD1 started school when DD2 was 3 months old it means its like having your first baby again, so DD2 now has her own daytime routine with playgroups and her own friends which is great.

SunflowerNeedsSunshine · 25/03/2009 23:29

DS was 4.2 when DD was born, and started at a new school 10 days later too! but never been a real problem, we tried to make a fuss over him too (especially with my mum here with us for 2 weeks taking care of him). there have been moments where he'd been upset, saying I didn;t love him anymore (but that was just in the beginning when I was short with him, baby blues and difficult painful recovery to blame). but it's been brilliant and DD loves her big brother so much! he loves her and he says he'll "protect her" and her face lights up when she hears his name or his voice (she's now 6.5 months) and even more when he's back from school, and noone can make her laugh as much as he does! when they're together they melt my heart, just seeing the look to each other in their faces! and as HBQ said, with DS at school DD gets same time/attention DS did as PFB.

BitOfFun · 26/03/2009 00:56

Dd1 was 4.5 when I had dd2, who turned out to have special needs eventually, and she has been so fantastically patient and compassionate- it has been really good for her actually. It's a great gap, IMO.

salsmum · 26/03/2009 01:25

BitOfFun ...snap my son was 4.5 when my DD was born 3 months early with c.p. My son had been involved with the scan..etc and because my daughter was in special care unit for 6 weeks it gave my son a bit of time to 'ajust'we took a polariod snapshot of my DD and he took it to school to 'show the class'...now nearly 20 yrs later they argue as most sibs do but when they wer both young and I told him that the Docs had told us that his lil sister wouldnt be able to walk when shes older he replied 'thats ok i'll carry her'...and although shes about 7.5 stone he still does .

BitOfFun · 26/03/2009 08:19

< sniff > That's a lovely story- don't tell me stuff like that when I've got PMT, I am dangerously close to blubbing

DebInAustria · 26/03/2009 08:27

Salsmum - you've set me off too

usernametaken · 26/03/2009 12:37

Awww thank you all for such great stories. We did initially want a smaller age gap, but things never quite work out!
DD will have just started full time at school, she is already in the Nursery section everyday (mornings only) so I don't think she'll feel pushed out or sent off by the new baby.
Thank you, you have all made me feel so much better about a big gap.

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