Two babies a year apart

[Pierrette]

Just wondered if anyone out there has had two babies just a year apart? My daughters are 15 months and 3 months and I love them to bits, but it's very full on! My main concern is that my toddler is missing out while I spend so much time breastfeeding and tending to the little one. I interact with her as much as I possibly can, but I feel so sorry for her that I can't take her out as much or do as many activities as we used to. She's so desperate to get outside all the time (brings me her shoes while I'm feeding the baby!) - and we do go out when we can, but it's hard to do much at the moment. I've tried toddler groups but it's incredibly stressful as I often need to feed the baby and I can't keep sight of my little girl - if she falls over and hurts herself I don't have my hands free to cuddle her properly. She's a sensitive little thing and cries easily, so we often leave these groups with both of them howling and me trying to stay calm!

I know it will get easier as the younger one gets bigger, and they're going to be very close - but if anyone's been there, would love to hear your tips!

[fryalot]

Hi

I have 14 months between my two littlies, so I can totally understand what you're going through.

the most important thing is to pay your toddler as much attention as you possibly can - if you leave the baby crying for a little while, as long as she is safe, she won't come to any harm while you play/cuddle/tickle dd1.

Get her to join in as much as possible, ask her to fetch nappies and vests and things for the baby, let her know that it is her baby as well. Some people recommend getting her a doll so she can "feed" her baby whilst you are feeding yours.

If you arrange some cushions on the floor so you're leaning against the settee, you can bf whilst doing a jigsaw or building some blocks with the older child.

Take them to the park, the baby should sleep in the pram and the toddler can run around a bit/have you push her on the swings etc. while the baby is sleeping.

You may also want to consider asking your HV to refer you to Home Start, they will match you with a volunteer who can definitely help - perhaps feed the baby whilst you have some 1:1 time with dd1, or even go with you to toddler group so there are two of you and two of them (iykwim)

It gets better. As they get a bit older and a bit more independent, they can play with each other and my two are SO close it's lovely to see them playing together.

Hang in there!

[Pierrette]

Thanks, Squonk, great advice. Didn't know about Home Start, sounds wonderful! Leaving the baby crying is always stressful - I guess we're programmed to react - but hearing them both howling is even harder! It's good to hear about other people in the same boat. You feel a little restricted at times and stuck in the house - but, hey I feel so lucky to have two little gorgeous girls, even if it is 24/7!

[HecateQueenOfGhosts]

There's 15 months between mine, but it was a long time ago as they are 8 & 9 now.

I don't know what to advise (squonk has sorted you out very well there!), because it all fades when it's over, iyswim, move on to the next stage. I can tell you that yes it requires juggling, but you get through it just fine, I promise. It will pass so quickly.

[fryalot]

yes, it's difficult to leave the baby crying, but you have to tell yourself that it is for the best. The baby doesn't know any different and really will not suffer from being left just for a little while.

The other thing that it may be an idea for you to bear in mind is that you do NOT love your baby any less because you are leaving her to her own devices a little bit. She will be getting every bit as much attention and love as her older sister, just in a slightly different format.

(I'm not suggesting that you don't love the baby as much, btw, just that sometimes you feel like she may think you don't. Which is tosh. She won't. Trust me)

When they are a little bit older and you overhear them having a conversation with each other that actually makes sense, your heart will melt and this really hard time you're having right now will just disappear

[fryalot]

and while we're on the subject of love and feelings and stuff - you also may find that you almost resent your toddler for "getting in the way" of you and your new baby.

This is also normal and (as long as you don't beat her senseless because of it) nothing to worry about. Those feelings will also go away. She is not stopping you from bonding with the baby, no matter how much you may feel that she is.