Can someone help me get my head around the logistics of getting things done with a toddler and newborn baby??

[iwouldgoouttonight]

We have a 2.5 year old DS and three week old DD, all is going ok but I don't seem to be able to get to grips with how to do simple tasks with the two of them, e.g. bath time, getting into the car, etc!

So far DP has been around to help so for example he baths DS while I sort out DD, etc but he's now back at work and not around at bedtimes so I need to be able to do it on my own (I've been getting my parents round to help so far but can't rely on them all the time!)

The main things seem to be:

Bath/bed time - what happens if DD starts screaming while DS is in bath? Can't leave him alone in bath to pick her up, but he gets upset and I get stressed if she is left crying.

Getting them into car - car only has two doors and have to get my whole self into car to get each of them into car seats, and have to put DD's seat in first otherwise can't get it past DS. So end up leaving DS out of car on his own with potential for him to run off into road.

Meal times - what happens if DS has tantrum and tries to get himself out of his high chair if I'm feeding DD. Can't really put DD down but need both hands to prevent DS from falling.

And then just basic things like how to stop DS from lying on DD when I go to the toilet!

I'm sure everyone else manages to do these things, I just need to get my sleep deprived head around it!

[dustbuster]

Sounds exhausting!

DD in wrap sling for bathtime and meal time? I believe you can feed them in a sling too, although I never did it. I had a Closer sling and loved it.

Put DS somewhere safe in the house while you put DD in the car and then fetch him?

[FAQinglovely]

ok the bathing - do them both together. Take the baby out and wrap in towel while you finish of the toddler and him out. He can stand with his towel (or more likely run around naked ) while you dry and dress the baby then you finish drying him off (if he's not already air dried ) and get him dressed.

Car - I don't drive - but how about sticking DS on one of the front seats while you sort the baby seat out?

Climbing out of the high chair -well if he does that and falls and hurts himself - he won't do it again .

[peachface]

slings/babycarriers are good - use my babybjorn loads with ds2

Try to use the cot a lot for things like when you're in the bathroom. I always put my youngest in his cot so that I know he's safe and don't have to worry about him coming to any harm when I'm in the bathroom or dealing with someone that means I have to leave him for a bit. Even now at 18mths, it's sometime the safest place to pop him!

meal times - can't you strap ds into his highchair or can he undo the straps?

once newborn is a bit bigger, get yourself a bouncy chair because it will keep dd happy while you attend to your ds and it can be put in bathroom or whatever room you're in so you don't have to worry about your dd being upset without you. That said, dd crying for a bit won't harm her and you have to get a bit immune to the crying (not being harsh, just realistic!) as newborns WILL cry but you also have another child to look after!

car - do you have a drive/park right outside your house?If so, is there somewhere safe you can have ds while you put dd in car or can you have dd in cot til you've put ds in car? If you can't park close, maybe use a pushchair for either of them to keep them safe but close while you do the putting-in-the-car-seat bit. It will get easier, I can assure you and you'll soon look back on this time and feel so much more confident!

[fryalot]

Hi.

I have 14 months between mine, so my situation was slightly different, but I think my advice will still be relevant:

1. bath/bed time. Either do them both together, or take the baby in to the bathroom and put her in a bouncy chair or moses basket while you bath ds. Bath the baby when ds is in bed.
   
   
2. getting them in the car. Put ds in the driver's seat and let him "drive" the car while you get the baby strapped in.
   
   
3. Meal times: Buy a low chair with table attached - if he does manage to climb out, it's not the end of the world. Or, feed them at different times.
   
   
4. keep a basket in the bathroom and take the baby with you when you go to the loo.
   
   The best advice I was given was to leave the baby to cry while I sorted out the older child, the baby won't come to any harm and the toddler may get jealous if you are always leaving him to sort out his little bro/sis. I appreciate this may not work for you if your ds is bothered by the sound of crying.
   
   It is all doable, but I remember feeling totally out of my depth and panicking that I would never be able to manage two of them. I've got them to age 3 and 4 now and no real harm has befallen them.

[crokky]

Car - I would put your DD's car seat in the car (but not strap it in) whilst still holding DS. Then get DS strapped in. Once DS is strapped in, strap DD's carseat in.

Mine are now 2.11 and almost 11m. If I want to go to the toilet, I put DD in the playpen. My DS wouldn't intentionally hurt her, but he could easily fall on her or try and carry her around etc. That way, she is out of his way. I've had the playpen from when she was very little - can put playmat in there etc, but it stops her from getting trampled!

Meals - need to sit right next to the highchair whilst feeding DD and have somewhere ready to chuck her (like buggy) if DS having tantrum. When feeding 2nd baby, I pulled her off all the time - she didn't mind stopping and starting.

Bath time - do not bath your DD very often - she is a tiny baby and not dirty I imagine. Have you got a travel cot or something that you could put outside the bathroom door to put her in? Or bring bouncy chair to bathroom?

[crokky]

...when you are bathing DS

[hkz]

I've got a DD who's 21 months and 3 week old ds. Finding a sling very useful, even managed to carry both dcs at same time with the baby in sling. Sling will solve the meal/bath time hands free prob. Those baby play mats that goes on the floor are good too.

A friend recommended one of those baby swings that rock automatically, haven't tried one but they look like they take up lots of room...so not for me.

You could get your toddler to sit in a nrmal chir with a booster seat/cushion to solve the prob of falling out the high chair. DD loves this and it makes her feel grown up.

Put baby on front seat while you put the toddler in the car...getting them both in the car is a pita!

excuse all the typos...using one hand!

[BlueCowWondersSomeMore]

And remember to fast forward to when they are 2 and 4 and play together beautifully and you'll look back on this really hard time and smile!

There's no doubt, tiny babies are incredibly hard work, and adding a toddler into the equation makes it exponentially harder.

Just as long as they are safe, you just have to do whatever it takes. And that might mean (just for a short while) taking one or other into the loo with you, so you don't leave them alone together.

[kolakube]

I have a 3.5 yr old and a 3 month old.

Bathtime - older one in first whilst baby lies on a changing mat on the floor with nappy off - happy to kick his legs for ages like that. Baby in and out while older one rummages in drawers for her clothes. Failing that, bath them separately on different days and do older one when baby sleeping and get toddler to "help" with baby."Can you find a nice vest for him/her?""Can you get me a nappy?"

Car - let older one watch TV whilst you put baby in or let older one "drive" in the front while you sort babyout.

High chair - does it have a harness? Can you get a booster type seat that he can be strapped into?

[Nolda]

It's not easy! I have DD who is 2 and a 1/2 and 8 wk old DS. With baths I do DS first then put him in bouncy chair just outside bathroom door so he can see me.

Does DS have to be in the highchair? Perhaps a move to chair with cushion would be easier?

I also have small car with 2 doors. I have moved the front passenger seat forwards so that when I let DD in first she can stand in front of her seat. I then secure DS's seat in then help DD into her seat.

Re going to the loo, I'm lucky in that our doorknobs are so stiff that DD can't open the doors so I can close the door to the room where DS is. Otherwise I would have to take DS into the bathroom with me and put him in his bouncy chair.

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Thank you! Your suggestions all make a lot of sense! DS's 'high chair' is actually a booster seat on one of our normal chairs, so its not as high as a high chair, but still think it'd hurt if he fell out onto the kitchen floor! He can undo straps himself now unfortunately. Think the sling would be a good idea for keeping my arms free.

Very good idea to put DS in driver's seat - he always asks if he can drive anyway (doesn't understand the concept of 'waiting until he's 17'!) but may have trouble persuading him to get out of it and into his own seat though!

Very much looking forward to them both being a tiny bit older and playing nicely together!

[fryalot]

oh yes, when they are older and play together, it is the fabbest of fab things!

and when they have conversations with each other that you are not a part of (you're just eavesdropping) that is wonderful!

[QueenFee]

Can you swop their car seats round - opposite sides of car so that you can put your DS in first. Mine are now 2.5 and4.5 but I remember this time well (I have it all to come again in July!)
I found a Swing was a godsend to put my youngest in whilst dressing /feeding etc the older one. (I could'nt use a sling as I will with this one due to health) He would happily sit there for about 20 min -1/2 hour.
I always bathed mine together. Just took baby out and dressed in bathroom then took out toddler and dressed her. (baby bath with a towel in the bottom is quite a handy place to put babies upstairs!)
When out and about I always put toddler in a pushchair whilst sorting a baby as she was the type to run off. I sypathise about the strap thing though as my ds can undo any straps!
I also second the leaving the baby to cry thing. 5 mins won't hurt them only your ears! They do very quickly become accustomed to waitinga little longer for things and don't cry as much.
Give it a couple of minths and you will look babck and wonder why you struggled you will be so used to it.
It is true that it is so worth it in the long run. My 2 play together lovely now and really miss each other when apart.

[DontGetIt]

Slight hijack...but just had to say, squonk, your post just warmed my cockles...I have boys of 1 and 3 and just starting to see some of that sort of thing

OP...loads of really good advice here already so just wanted to say it really does get a lot easier surprisingly quickly!

[TheInvisibleManDidIt]

There's 2 yrs 1 month between my boys. I think everyones already given all the suggestions I'd offer, but try and get your older dc as involved in 'taking care' of the baby as much as possible.

Ds1 has just turned 9, ds2 is 7 next month. They are best pals now, love each other so much and are totally inseperable.

It's very hard and tiring when they're little, but great when they're older- DontGetIt is right, it's gets easier very quickly.

[pointydog]

poor poor you, iwgot. I do vaguely remember all that. I'll leave it to people who have coped with it all far more recently. Good luck.

[pointydog]

But just in case no one has mentioned it, all I needed was one of those little portable cr seats. dd2 was in it the whole time.

Took her with me when I went to the loo/shower/kitchen.

Sat it on the pavement wheile I dealt with getting dd1 in the car.

Put her in it a lot of the time while I played with dd1.

Restraint is key