why are the other mothers so unfriendly?

[susia]

Hi , my son who is 5 and in year 1 goes to a private school. It was not what I wanted, it was because he didn't get into any of the local schools in our area but got offered a school 2 miles away in special measures. I really wanted him to go to a local school as this area is full of children, got good schools (over subscribed) and he is an only child. So I wanted him to be a part of this community.

But as he didn't get in he goes to a small private school a couple of miles away. I have tried to be friendly to the other mothers and invite other kids back for tea etc. Mostly though it just hasn't happened. A couple have come but not returned the invitation and a couple have said yes but for one reason or other it hasn't happened.

I know my son is popular and happy at school so I don't think he isn't liked.

Most of the other mothers work so are busy and it is a small school so there are less kids to invite etc but still...I am getting paranoid and want to stop inviting them as I am worried it comes across as needy etc but feel I have to keep trying for my son's sake as he loves company and having people back etc.

Until he went to this school we never had this problem. In fact all the kids he sees at weekends, after school are from the time he went to preschool round here and I just wish he'd got into the local school.

do you have any advice?

[edam]

Can you invite the kids he sees at weekends home after school?

No idea what's going on but I can see why you are worried. No other suggestions except dogged persistence!

[Bramshott]

You poor thing.

Is he still on the waiting list for the local school you originally wanted?

If a lot of the mothers work, it's probably more likely to be business rather than unfriendliness. I'd persevere if I were you - what else can you do? Are there other ways to get involved? Is there a PTA or something similar you could join? Do they ask for volunteers in school?

[Notquitegrownup]

Hang on in there, Susia. I do feel for you. We went through the same thing, living in a small village. Other people are friendly, but are too busy to be friends, or already have a good set of friends and just don't need another. DS1 has found it much easier to make friends when new children arrive at the school - partly because they really seem to be more our sort of people, but partly because they appreciate the invitations more and it is just easier to get involved.

You can always apply for your ds to move to the local school as soon as a place becomes available too.

HTH

[susia]

thankyou, he is STILL on the waiting list for the local school after over a year! but he is happy and has made friends at the school. I don't want to just move him because of that reason (although there are many other reasons for the local school). we still see regularly the old friends and our next door neighboor's kids etc so it's not too bad.

It's just it would be so nice for him (and for me as I'm a single mother and like the company too!) to know the other parents and kids at his school.

Maybe it is just working hours etc and that may be more at a private school because most of the parents aren't especially wealthy like some schools but working etc. Last year I worked longer hours so wasn't around so much at pick ups but now do more work at home so I can pick my son up more and was hoping for more play dates and getting to know the parents.

I do want to keep trying but I find it a bit embarrassing and not very nice to be persistent.

[kitbit]

It could simply be that they're busy and disorganised, like me! ds has had some lovely invitiations and I know it's my turn for several people but life keeps taking over and I keep having to apologise to people and say I haven't forgotten...

What about organising a party? Or group outing for a few people to a park or kids museum or something? It might seem less pushy (although I don't think you are!)

[Notquitegrownup]

Good point about the company for you. Have you got any babysitting possibilities? I found it hard to settle into our village too, but joining a book group has really helped - only needs to be once a month, and you can always offer to host it, to avoid babysitting.

Perhaps there is a class your ds could join to help make friends with other children and to give you some company too. When ds1/I were struggling to get a social life he started a martial art class twice a week. It gave him chance to meet up with his school mates and the parents tended to hang around and chat too.

[NAB3lovelychildren]

Can you register an interest again at the local state school in case a space becomes available?

[islandofsodor]

My children are at a private school and I work, I also work at weekends.

Playdates are almost impossible to get the dc to and totally impossible to host so I wouldn't take it personally.,

[susia]

yes I was thinking of organising a halloween party but I got busy so I didn't do it. He does get invited to the kids birthday partys and they all came to his.

[Decena]

I know exactly how you feel! My DD goes to a small rural school and we have invited the other girls in her class around several times each, taken them on outings etc and she never gets invites back! I find it downright rude, I must admit, but I keep perserving for her sake. The one that does give her ocassional invites is the one girl that my DD is not particularly friendly with.
She is now starting to wonder why she doesn't get invited back and I am running out of excuses.
I just think people are so insular these days.