what is your mother/son relationship like?

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

...and what age is your son? I am just curious, because I realised the other night while cuddling my 13mth old ds that I have no experience of a mother/ son relationship at all (I was an only child). My dad didn't have a good relationship with his mum, and nor does my DH.

I have 2 older dds (4.11 and 3.6) and I am very comfortable with my relationship with them. I am confident that they will always be close to me, despite the fact we all hiave different personalities, but I worry it will be different with my son. He seems quite an independant wee thing already, and doesn't really like being cuddled etc (hence the reason I make the most of it at night, after his last feed!) I'm also just stopping bf him (he's taking less and less to the point where I seem to have hardly any milk, and I want to go back on the pill) and I think this has made me feel a bit panicked at losing the main "closeness" that we have. He is already a "boy's boy"-he loves his dad and granpa. I was never a girly-girl at all, but he definitely seems to gravitate to the men! I don't have a problem with that really, as I would love him to have a good relationship with his dad (DH hated his), and I don't really want him to be a mummy's boy. I just wonder what our relationship will be like as he gets older, and how I can make it as good as it can be. I want him to have a good attitude to women- sometimes the disdain felt my dad and DH towards their mums seems to seep over slightly in their attitude to women in general (not to me)

Just curious to hear people's experiences of mother/son relationships. I love him so much, but I feel that I will have to "let him go" at some stage, unlike my girls Is this really true, or am I guilty of buying into a stereotype?

[littlelamb]

I love my ds. He is only 6 months old but I worried constantly throughout my pregnancy that I would not have the same relationship with him as I have with my dd, not least because my exdp decided it was Ok to scarper when I was pg so potentially he would have no father figure. I found the thought of that very scary. He is only very small now but I hope the good foundations have been laid will carry on in the future- if anything I found him much easier to bond with than dd, who was also a dream btw. I think its something a lot of mums worry about though- I remember a huge thread on the pg board with people worrying about having a son. Completely normal

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

Glad I'm not the only one, littlelamb. I just find it hard to imagine what our realtionship might be like in years to come.

[kid]

My DS is 6 1/2, he still loves cuddles/kisses at home but not in front of his friends at school.
He would never give me a kiss when I leave him at school. I think that stopped around 4 years old when he went into Reception.

He will still hold my hand walking down the street, gives kisses goodnight, cuddle me in front of the TV.

I also have a 9yo DD (she is almost 10). She is not as independent as DS but she also likes kisses, cuddles, hand holding etc. She is still happy to do all of those in front of her school friends.

[Overmydeadbody]

Why on earth do you feel you will have to let him go, unlike your girls?

My DS is nearly 6 and we have a great relationship, we are very close and he is very attached to me, without being clingy. He is an only and I am a single mum, so we spend a lot of time together and it goes without saying that I love him dearly, with all my heart.

As he gets older our relationship has changed, in that our conversations and the things we do together change.

We are both very affectionate and physical, and he often shares me bed with me and likes to cuddle and lean on me.

I think the best thing you can do is make sure your DS has your unconditional love, in whatever way you feel most comfortable in showing him and in whatever way he enjoys.

Try not to worry so much, I think all boys mostly have a special bond with their mother.

[Overmydeadbody]

Really kid? at 4?

DS still happily kisses me goodbye at the school gate, as do most of his classmates to their parents, and hasn't shown the slightest hint that he might want to stop doing this or is embarrassed by this display of affection. Long may it last

[notmyname]

I have a very good relationship with my 5 yr old. We share some complicity, makes joke to each other, talk a lot, laugh a lot and cuddle a lot, he is my little partner in crime.

I think we have a very strong bond between us. I also worried about bonding wiht him when he was tiny... now I know I didn't need to.

[crispyduck]

I have fab relationship with my 2 sons 13 and 3, they are like my right arms

[pinkfrogsroastingonanopenfire]

I have had four amazing lads. My eldest will turn 27 at the end of December. He became a first time daddy in June. Our relationship is solid, loving, funny and precious. He still comes to me with questions about everything and anything. This week we had a long conversation about his sex life which has been somewhat lacking since the arrival of his son!!

My youngest is 11 and was a massive suprise as I thought the menopause had started. We are very close, open and honest with each other.

The only experience of a daughter that I have is my wonderful DIL.

I feel the most blessed mum on the planet. Two of my four sons have passed away but are still 'around us and with us.'

I do recognise your feelings though. You hold this precious bundle of life and suddenly think 'OMG I created this life, one day this baby will be grown and what if we aren't close, what if they dont like me etc etc.'

Life with my sons has been wonderful, happy, sad, bereaved, funny, interesting, and the most wonderful journey. Enjoy your children....just enjoy xxx

[Coldtits]

I think you're guilty of buying into a stereotype. My mother was convinced that "Girls only use you when they need you, boys are your children forever" .... needless to say my sister and I got independant of her ASAP and my pampered bro still lives at home where his washing gets done for him (mind you, he and my sister now own the house...)

My relationship with BOTH my sons is every different.

Ds1, I feel, is not going to find relating to other people easy. He flies through his school work (generally) but is baffled by people.

He's a tactile, loving and demanding child, who is nevertheless easygoing and jolly to be around. Other people find him annoying sometimes, which makes me want to eat their spleen, and also protect him from everyone. He's both tall and immature for his age, which is fatal really, as people expect him to act older and he can barely act his age. I feel like shielding him a lot. He's an adorable child but many people can't see past the shouty fidgeting.

Ds2 is an emotionally adept child, despite being only 2.8. He can read situations and people more effectively than ds1, and react appropriately - that's not to say he doesn't often choose to do the opposite. I have a completely different social situation with ds2 - he has comic timing. He does things that are really quite naughty, and yet doesn't get the disapproval he really should get from other people (although he does from me).

This is for many reasons - his face is expressive, and he makes monkey noises at you if you try to tell him off. He has blonde ringlets, and he's very short for his age - he looks about 20 months old. He is also () facially similar to poor little baby P. Which makes telling him off in public extremely difficult, as I get vitriol poured on me from all sides. I don't feel so protective of him - I suspect that although BOTH my children are adorable () ds2 will have an easier ride through life.I treat them both the same, but differently. They have different personalities and different needs... Ds1 iss a good deal more generous than many girls his age, and ds2 is a good deal more pretty and charming than many girls HIS age. Boys are no different at young ages really. not when it comes to how much you love them and what they need from you.

I didn't ever want daughters. I was so damaged by mum's preference for my brother I was terrified I would have both sexes and do the same to any girl I had - so when I found out ds1 was a boy I was pleased, and when found out ds2 was a boy I was ecstatic. I would have been just as thrilled with two girls ... but I think half the reason I went nuts whilst pregnant with ds2 was because I was scared he would be a girl and I'd fuck it all up badly.

[GentleOtter]

I raised ds1 alone for 14 years and he is now almost 26. The strongest role model he had was my father.
My son and I are extremely close and he will discuss just about anything with me. He has grown up into a well balanced individual despite a childhood where we had little money.
Letting go was never really a problem for us as he knew that 'home' was where I was and if everything went pearshaped when he made his way into the world then he could always return and we would try to sort out problems and finances together.

I have a toddler ds now and although I feel the same overwhelming love for him as I do for ds1, I feel that is somehow 'easier' this time - possibly because ds2's father has not abandoned him.

[pagwatch]

My son is 15.
He still hugs me before he leaves the house. He hugs me when he gets home and we chat about his day. He is thoughtful and affectionate with all of us - still hugs his dad and his sibs to . Although his hug with his day is that big manly slap hug IYKWIM
It is different of course. He is 5ft 11 now and towers over me but we are still as close as ever. You just naturally shift into a different relationship as he gets older.
But different does not mean losing affection.

I think the hardest part is when boys suddenly become very manly looking as it can be easy for the parent to start assuming things and drawing back from the child. We tried not to do that although we of course had to respect his signals for personal space. I think the fact that we still tell him we love him all the time stops the physical distance starting.

It does make me laugh when my huge rugby playing son holds my hand or kisses me on the head. But I take that as a sign that he is really confident and does not care about what other people think.

[DasherDancerPrancerFMVixen]

my eldest is 11 in 2 days. Still comes in for hugs every morning, still holds amy hand.
The 8 year old is still totally huggable too.
They have been taught respect to all (not just women) so they will open a door for anyone. Though ds2 does like saying ''ladies' first'' and I jump on any sexism, (like, girls can't play football)we talk about the differences between men and women and the strengths.
Both boys give me loads of compliments (and their grandmas too)

I will be the MIL from Hell though (She/he ain't good enough for you darlin')

[kid]

Overmydeadbody - I work at my DCs school so all his friends know me. He is so indenpendent. He wants to take himself to school already, I don't think so though!

He pretends to be all tough, but when he gets hurt, he comes straight to me for cuddles!

He is great, both my kids are!

[pagwatch]

FWIW i think I have a slightly different perspective on letting go than many others.

Ds1 has a girlfriend and it is fab to see him getting affection in another secition of his life - it is as it should be.
My DS2 will never leave home and have a relationship which is just sad. So I rejoice for my DS1 and DD that they WILL move on. It is how things are meant to be.

[Overmydeadbody]

Kid I'm sure both your kids are great, didn't mean to sound like I thought otherwise!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

These are all lovely stories, and just what I wanted to hear! coldtits, what a strange way for your mum to think! The one I have always heard is that "a daughter is yours for life; a son is yours till he finds a wife" I guess maybe that's why I worry about "letting go"

My gran was hugely smothering (or tried to be) with my dad, and he disliked her, thought her stupid and had no respect for her, even though she thought the sun shone out of his backside, to the extent that people who had never met him before confessed that they had thought him a prat, based on her extolling his virtues! No woman was ever going to be good enough for him, especially not my mum!

DH's mum on the other hand, seems to think DH was an unfortunate accident- even now! He had a tempestuous relationship with his dad, and his mum seemed quite relieved when he decided to join the navy and move to the other end of the country aged 16. She doesn't seem to have been particularly affectionate to him ever- he remembers being left alone on Sunday nights when she went out, and took his sister with her, and being terrified- to the point where he once (aged 6) ran up the road screaming in his PJs to find her and got smacked and berated for it She is a perfectly pleasant woman, but she never phones to speak to him, she never seemed to worry about him or enquire about him when he was out in the Gulf and she doesn't send him a card or even phone him on his birthday

I obviously want to have a very different relationship with my son than these two extremes, which I why all your stories are so reassuring and helpful. I adore my wee guy. After 2 girls, I was really happy to have a boy. I just want to do right by him!

[kid]

Overmydeadbody I didn't think you were saying he wasn't great. Just thinking about him made me remember how great he is.

Neither of my DC are here with me at the moment. They slept at their nans last night so all is quiet and peaceful here at the moment. I am sure I won't think they are so great this afternoon when they are arguing over anything and everything!

I was just thinking that as I work at their school, it could be that he doesn't think he needs to give me a kiss goodbye because I will be around all day.
If I'm not at work, he moans that he wants to come home with me!

[Overmydeadbody]

yes, I was just thinking how great DS was too, until he climbed onto my lap and is ow sat wriggling on me trying to push my hands away as it is technically his 'turn' on the computer!

I better go.

[mummyflood]

My DS's are 15 and 13, as different as the proverbial chalk and cheese, but I absolutely love being a Mother to sons. Don't think I would know what to do with a daughter, tbh!!

I am not a particularly 'girly girl' myself, and find that I can be almost a friend to the boys whilst being Mum first and foremost. We share music tastes - have been to rock concerts with both of them separately, favourite programmes, eg top gear. DS1 is into the RAF and I can't wait to go to a couple of airshows again with him next year. He is brilliant company - they both are - and I love being involved in whatever we are doing together. Apart that is, from football, which the two of them and their Dad worship every Saturday - that is THEIR 'thing'.

They tell me they love me frequently every day, and I think it matters to them what I think/how I feel, etc and naturally vice-versa. Once DS1 arrived, I was hoping DC2 would be a boy and was absolutely over the moon when he was!! We laugh together a lot, and generally share life. They are both absolutely brilliant lads and we are both immensely proud of them.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

You are all making me feel so much better- thank you

[needmorecoffee]

ds's are 15 and 13 and both very affectionate although ds1 has aspergers. We spend ages talking about piano music and composers (not really my thing but I learned)
ds2 is very huggy.
They are much much easier than dd1 who is 16.

[TreeandMistleJoe]

my ds is only 16 months but i never really worried about bonding because of his sex. he is mine, that's all that matters! we have a great relationship now, he's very very very affectionate with me but isn't really clingy, he's very happy to be left with dh too and they too have a great bond.

ds is becomming one of my friends and i recognise a lot of my own traits and quirks in him, although he looks more like dh, he certainly has my temprament and is the perfect little play mate for me! lol.

we laugh at the same things and also do baking and cleaning together, he loves copying me and is just lovely to be around (mostly ,not when teething, uuurrrrrggghh!).

i always wanted a boy though, not that i'd have been disappointed with a girl or anything but i just always saw myself with a son rather than a daughter.

the bonding thing just happened naturally and i really don't think i could love him anymore or feel any different about him at all if he were a girl, i suppose babies need the same things regardless of sex so it hasn't really effected anything yet and i hope it won't do!