how to control DS1 boisterous behaviour?

[noonbear]

DS1 is 4.3. he is a loving, excitable and boisterous little boy and sometimes I struggle with deciding what is acceptable behaviour and what is not and because of this I am dreading Christmas.

DS1 loves people, me is chatty, funny but generally he wants to be the centre of everyone?s attention. If our friends or family visit he wants then to play with him, read to him etc all the time and it is very very difficult to enjoy our friends company without him being at the centre of everything that is going on. In situations like this DH or I try and engage him in something else just to try and break the cycle. He is also very physical and often wants to sit on knees and this usually gets a bit rough which ends up in a warning and time out.

We were at a family lunch on Sunday and admittedly it did go on for some time as there were so many of us and on the whole he was very good but he does tend to get loud and boisterous and I just don?t seem able to find the right way to calm him down. He never hits or bites or anything like that he just clambers over people and gets a bit silly. I have tried talking to him about calming done a little, time out only works in the short term i.e. its quiet while he is one the stairs but all starts up again when he comes back in again.

I am unsure what I should or shouldn?t be doing ? am I expecting too much of him at this age. I would just love him to calm down a little and be less demanding of everyone?s attention but is it wrong to quash his exuberance?

Thanks

[deanychip]

ah this is diffucult.
mine is/was the same.

think its normal behaviour.

I keep visitors to a minimum,
bargain with him.... Tell him to Say "hello", give cuddle then come and do this game with me/read book/colour in/help me get cups out for cups of tea etc...

Dont end up like me, paranoid that no one likes my child, keep him away from friends houses, just keep him away from people in general.
That is not helping any one at all. (i had numerous comments and digs from family and friends about my son bieng hard work/dislikable/something wrong with him/hyper etc etc etc)

[noonbear]

my god you are me!!! i heard a couple of negative comments third hand that my DB made (he doesn't have DC) well meaning parents often role their eyes and comment on how excitable/loud he is but it does hurt doesn;t it. I have become really paranoid so avoid having people round etc. i too get him involved with handing round cakes etc.

[MrsMattie]

My son is roughly the same age and exactly the same. I find it hard sometimes, too. I have had some negative comments and funny looks from people re: my son, and it does hurt my feelings but I try to take it on the chin, because most of the time he is such a funny, loveable little chap and because I know I do my very best with him.

I generally try to keep him well entertained when guests are over - with DVDs, books, jigsaws etc. And I do a sort of 'time out' thing (more a 'lets go somewhere quiet and calm down') if he gets too silly - although like you, it only works for a bit, usually . I just try not to expect too much from him at the moment, as when I'm calm and accepting he seems to behave better than when i am stressy and on edge, anticipating him 'being silly'

[deanychip]

Its VERY hurtful resulting in me not having contact with people for months on end, not taking him anywhere and not participating in any social events.

I gradually re introduce him to a handful of people, but there are certain family and freinds that i never ever take him to their homes, its just too stressful and upsetting.

He is 5 now and actauly he is far more amenable to my requests to use "indoor voice" and to sit down for a moment to calm down. He is calmer as he is older.

of course it doesnt help when the world is full of people with practically perfect children who never have a moments worry with their children...they are every where dont you find!

[deanychip]

the traumas that i have reported on here about since my son was little tot, you wouldnt believe.
I had a bit of a melt down after my sister told me that she couldnt stand my son and neither did any one else in the family like him.

[MrsMattie]

I feel for you@deany. I have two really understanding, lovely friends who are totally 'on board' with me and my son and never make me feel stressed about his 'exuberant' behaviour. However, I have been reduced to tears at softplay more than a few times by narky mums with 'perfect' children, and had some very uncomfortable moments at his old nursery, which seemed to value only 'good', quiet children (thank God his new nursery are fantastic and adore him).

I have thought about this long and hard and I actually think it is pretty nomral for some young children (especially boys, it has to be said) to be like this - life's little enthusiiasts. however, our society doesn't want children to be awkward, they want them to behave like mini adults. It isn't enough to e teaching your child gradually how to behave socially...they have to be practically born with fantastic manners and social etiquette, or else they are 'difficult' and we are 'bad parents'

I could rant on this subject for days! you are not alone.

[deanychip]

thanks mrsmattie, i too have got a couple of friends who jsut "get" my ds and they have been a great source of support and strength.
never making me feel funny or stressed,
Thank GOD for these sensible people thats what i say!!

[noonbear]

gosh its wonderful to have such supportive and helpful comments. I like the idea of the 'indoor voice' deanychip. I was reduced to tears when my DM told me DB thought DS was diffcult and made visiting us very difficult. DS only acts the way he does with Db becasue DB gives him no one on one attention so DS desorts to all sorts of antics to get some which makes DB pull away even further - its a vicious circle.

Yes agree that there are alot of perfect children our their -esp girls!!!!!

[MrsMattie]

Ah, yes. There is definitely a certain set of parents-of-angelic-little-girls who have the ability to make you feel like an incompetent harridan with a beast for a child!

Our last (disasterous) attempt to 'do softplay' ended with DS bounding down the slide at 100mph and smacking into a couple of little Shirley Temple-a-likes (who were sitting at the bottom of the slide - not the smartest move...). Their mums practically lynched me!

My MIL is very critical of my DS@noonbear, and it does upset me. She says he is 'unmanageable' and thinks we should be showing him some hardcore old fashioned (ie. physical) punishment. She never does anything positive to help, though. Funny that.

[deanychip]

Yes it is nice to get support.
I had tons of people on here making me feel better.

You are absolutly correct when you say that you dont want to quash his enthusiasm and spirit...especially to make other epole happy.

It is just the deciphering of what is normal and what isnt normal behaviour.
TBH i think that it is ALL normal, you would know if he wasnt. i do tend to compare him to his peers which can be a guide but can also be very destructive and can cause lots of confusion bcause they are all different and they are so unique.
I have found that mine has naturally calmed as he has got a bit older, the difference that 6 months can make is amazing. This is not because of any thing that we have done, it has just seemed to happen.

[queenrollo]

my 3.5 year old is just starting to show this kind of high energy enthusiasm......
MrsMattie i can sympathise with the slide incident. My son is currently finding it a little hard at nursery because their is a high percentage of girls in his group and he is simply too boisterous for them. I'm starting to find it harder now to calm him. It used to be as long as he had a good half day (either morning or afternoon) of full on running around i could keep him amused the other half of the day. Now he is switched 'on' from the minute he gets up til bedtime. Fortunately the majority of our social group are very understanding of this.

[jocie]

im in the same boat sort of so its nice to know ours isn't the only 'lively' little boy, (ds1 is 3). He is very active and boistrous and sometimes jsut likes to run around bumping/pushing/lying on top of whoever happens to be near to him. we do warnings, time out and lots of praise but doesn't always seem to make a difference. He does have a very sweet and gentle side too and will try and cuddle or kiss people but inevitable this ends up getting too rough. iv just had ds2 (4 months) so know recent behaviour is prob down to this but he's always been like this. Im pretty sure we are doing the right things with discipline but it does make you sooo embarrassed when other people make comments.