Should I just keep him in now I feel stressed about it all

[crazedupmom]

My ds who is 7 has been regularly playing out after school with a 9 year old girl and a ten year old boy.
This did work okay for a little while but I did start to notice that the two others were drifting away from my ds a bit and were sort of calling for each other and not coming for my ds so much.
My ds has continued to play with them but every time there appears to be nothing but arguments with these 2 going against my ds and siding with each other blaming him for everything and these two always stick up for each other and make out its my ds's fault in all of their little arguments.
Now I do also know that my ds can be an awkward little so and so and likes things to go his way and can go into some awful moods when he feels like it and I do therefore think this has contributed to these problems.
The problem as well is that there is a maturity difference between the three of them with the other two being more mature and more on a par with each other.
I would also say that there has maybe also been a bit of bullying and of them pushing my ds out of things a little bit.
Tonight this all came to a bit of a head I went to check on my ds to see what they were all doing and heard the ten year old shouting at my ds who was lying on the floor in floods of tears he had his foot on my ds's bike and woudn,t let it go, the girl was enticing this boy along and was asking him to throw his bike out of the gate they were all on this boys front garden.
I was quite appaled by what I saw and asked them what they thought they were doing adn they said my ds had started trashing everything in this boys garden and had thrown the other boys scooter down onto the floor and had then slammed the gate shut.
I have not really being able to get down as to why if this is true why my ds would go into such a mood.
This all ended up outside my house with the girls mom involved who did say that whenever they play together that my ds has been running to her door and saying they won,t let him to this or that I did say o the girls mom that I don,t think a threesome works and I believe that thats part of the problem in this case.
I know my ds gets upset easily and I know he can get some bad moods on him but I also think that there is fault on the other two sides as well as really I think that they just want to be on their own without my ds.
What should I do shall I just stop him attempting to play with these two and also if ever any of them are at a loose end and one of them decides to call for him should I send them away.
I feel really upset and stressed out after the events of tonight.

[starbear]

Give him a break from them for a while. Its easier to do now it's cold outside. Maybe give him treats of making things with you for a while. Could you invite a school friend over for tea in the next few weeks and see how he plays with one or two other kids. Give yourself a little break from worry too by going out together for pizza or late shopping or watch a film together. Then you can review the circumstances in a few weeks with a fresh mind. its only a thought

[hester]

for your little boy, crazedupmom. What does he want to happen? Are there other friends he could be steered towards? I'm not sure about stopping them playing altogether, but it does sound as if they all need a breather. Would it help, do you think, to allow him to still play out with them but put a firm time limit on it?

[starbear]

Sorry crazedupmom I have to go to bed now.

[snowcrystal]

At the bottom line this arrangement doesn't seem to be working out so either get all 3 to play in your garden or find new playmates.Some older children are great with younger ones and some aren't.Since yr DS is the youngest he is more vulnerable and may not be able to keep up.If you do let him play keep him in vision but maybe find 1 friend to play with at a time and not for too long.

[crazedupmom]

I have decided to keep him in for a while.
My ds and the other boy were friends first and played together fine to start with then when the girl came onto the scene things started going wrong after a time.
I do realsie that my ds has probably caused some of the rumpus with his moods but I feel that the way they have dealt with him has been spiteful and wrong but I also know that they are just children themselves.
I have suggested to my ds that he takes a break from them and maybe just have some school friends over instead however he was in no mood to discuss things properly tonight.

[crazedupmom]

The two of them said tonight that he stresses them out and they have nohting but tantrums off him every night.
I know how my ds can be and I know there could be an element of truth in what they say.
I just feel also that thye are maybe also not being very nice to him and its case of twos company threes a crowd
I have spoken to my ds and I have told him that he needs to stop getting into his little moods and to stop going into floods of tears and its just making him look silly.

[starbear]

If there is an element of truth in what the children say maybe this is a time to help him with his social skills. We know some harsh lesson have to be taught to us by our peers. But a loving parent can explain the details to make the lesson less painful. He has to figure out why his behaviour means he loses out. good luck

[crazedupmom]

Okay here is abit of a update with this situation.
My ds also on weekends plays with another group of children in the street this girl has also played with these children and my ds when the 10 year boy is around however as soon as he comes on the scene she and my ds drift apart and she goes with this boy and my ds goes with the others who he does seem to be more on a par with.
The other children he plays with are two 7 yo and a 9yo.
Yesterday this girl called for these others and my ds went out to play with them also.
She was spiteful the whole time towards my ds and was doing her utter best to try and get them away from my ds and make them just her friends, she evn attempted abit of bullying with one of the others.
I think she would love it if she could have everyone as her freind and rid my ds of any and turn them all against him.
However this did not work and the others ended up playing mostly with my ds all day and she ended up on her own.
This situation does concern me though in case she continues to make things difficult for my ds and ever suceeds in her spiteful little plan.
I have concerns about if the 10yo comes on the scene while they are all playing that he joins up with her in trying to turn everyone against my ds.
Also this 10yo and this girl go to the same school as my ds but are in year above my ds I am worried that they may try and destroy any of his relationships at school.
Sorry I know my mind is probably working overtime on this but I do have these concerns.
Incidentally this girl lives next door to me and I et on well with her mother shoudl I tell her mom what she has been up to.

[crazedupmom]

Thanks for the advice starbear

[crazedupmom]

Any advice on how to deal with this situation would be welcomed.
Also yesterday whenever any of these children came into my house to play with my ds she also kept coming to the door to get in.
Me being a mug just simply said as long as you are going to play nicely and treat ds okay, I suppose I am hoping this will pass with her but do you think I should let her in as I know really its just her way of pushing in to try and prevent my ds getting in with these other friends and not her.

[starbear]

This may or may not work but how about having a social with the parents. Invite them to Sunday dinner or a kids tea. Or just have mum over for coffee while the kids are playing and she how she behaves when her mum is in your house!!! Maybe after a while you can bring up the subject gently as you don't want to fall out with a neighbour. I've got to say, my Mum just said no to children she didn't like I had no choice. One girl Anna my Mum didn't like because she played with boys! (My Dad's a Muslim and she worried) When Mum moved out about 10 years later ANNA and her husband help her move!!!!