DD Refusing to eat dinner.

[FrockHorror]

Should I:

a) tell her to eat it, and if she refuses, make her something else

or

b) tell her to eat it, and if she refuses, send her to bed hungry?

This game is too boring now .

[ajm200]

How old is she?

[FrockHorror]

She's 4.8

[Overmydeadbody]

Leave her to it.

If she doesn't eat it, don't give her anything else until breakfast.

If she's not hungry she's not hungry. There's not point in forcing her to eat it or anything else.

[mazzystar]

on what grounds is she refusing it?

i would tell her to eat it, and if she doesn't she gets bread and butter or a banana after everyone else has finished.

[Twims]

Give her 5 more minutes adsay that if sh hasn't at least eaten asmall bit of the diner, the bed without anything else. If h eats a little then maybe a piece of toast but if not bed with nothing else - I'm mean

[ajm200]

It's difficult to say at that age.

Is she mature enough to understand that you are sending her to be hungry for refusing her food? It can be a really annoying game to get into and a really hard one to break.

If she was older or it was lunch rather than her evening meal I'd be tempted to take it way and offer nothing else until the next mealtime but overnight is a long time to go hungry at her age.

Not much help, sorry.

[LynetteScavo]

My 3 year old and my 5 year old both decided their dinner was unedible.

DH came home and made them a sandwhich.

I would have sent them to bed hungry - but suspect they are not hungry at all, IYSWIM.

[pagwatch]

why are you discussing it at all?
Supper is placed in front of child. Child eats it and is full or child doesn't and is very ready for breakfast the next morning.

Discussing it makes it an issue. And children like issues. And offering alternatives teachers her that you are that dim and will whip up a menu if she just holds out.

Have to stress I speak as the woman who , with DS2 was briefly "that dim" .

Just ignore.

[pushchair]

Have non-eaters and now give nothing else but they all get milk at bedtime anyway so don't have guilt pangs. Good luck it's a killer, v.emotive.

[pointydog]

My personal preference is to offer them bread and butter adn fruit instead. No stress.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

does she generally eat well or is this an ongoing with her?

my dd1 has never eaten well and does get meals cooked seperate from the family if we are having something i know that she will be unlikely to eat.

if it soomething that i know she likes she is not offered an alternative but is given a bigger supper/high cal milk drink before bed.

the more attention you draw to the problem the more the child will continue to play the game.

[OonaghBhuna]

Im having a similar problem so I have decided that dd1 is going to bed hungry and I am not even going to give her milk.I am utterly fed up with the no eating thing. Feel terrible but nothing else left to do. So frockhorrow I cant offer any advice apart from the fact I know how you are feeling.

[pointydog]

If you are utterly fed up with it, offer bread butter and fruit instead. You';re making it worse. You are able to settle it all perfectly amicably and - heavne forbid - make meal times bearable.

There is far far too much bother going on over the issue of food.

[FrockHorror]

Thanks for all the replies.

In answer to some of your questions, she is generally a very good eater, but this evening I tried a lasagne, something which I know she eats at my mum's but has only had a couple of times here. She told me it was "disgusting" and carried on her refusal for almost an hour.

Usually if she refuses to eat her meals, she is told she will not have pudding after, and I always stick to it, but do end up offering fruit instead. This goes back to our days at nursery when I would feel bad about stopping her pudding, whilst the other children were eating it. Offering her fruit was a compromise. To be honest, I had not thought of offering her fruit instead of her tea, so thanks for that pointer. When I tell her that pudding is off, she wolfs her dinner down. I feel that she was just testing the boundaries again tonight.

My favourite dinner time line has been "no alternatives in this house" because we did go through a stage where she was dictating what she would and would not have at mealtimes, and, rightly or wrongly, I do not allow my kids to dictate what I will cook for the whole family. Obviously if it is something I know she really, genuinely does not like, I will make her something different, but I generally do not make another dinner if the first one does not with her approval.

In the end tonight, DD did eat the meal that was given to her, after being told that no pudding would be forthcoming. It just seemed to take a bit longer than usual and was eating into time that needed to be spent bathing her and getting her into bed, ready for school tomorrow.

I will remember the fruit/bread and butter option for future reference though, thank you

[OonaghBhuna]

Pointy dog- Meal times are actually ok because I dont make the situation worse, she refuses thats fine no issues are made. I am utterly fed up afterwards when she has gone to bed or when my dh comes home and also when I log on to mumsnet for support.

DD1 had a hige breakfast this morning which was fab.

Also the reason why people are bothered about the food issue is because it causes worry and people care about the welfare of their children and after all mumsnet is a forum for any type of issue.

[ElenorRigby]

Id be bright and breezy about it saying "ok you musnt be hungry so you dont need a pudding"
Take the food away and say "ok now its bath time and then bedtime"
I wouldnt fuss or try to force but let the child know refusing to eat dinner=hunger + early bedtime. They soon cotton on!

[pointydog]

I don't think it si to do with the welfare of the children. I think a lot of parents worry unnecessarily that their children should eat a wide variety of food - when a narrow variety is fine - and that they shouldn't just go off a type of food for no reason. I think there's an element of competitiveness at times, about just how varied their children's diet is compared to others'.

[juuule]

I would do (and have done) a)

[OonaghBhuna]

Well pointy dog for me its because I worry I dont really care what people are doing. I just want my Dd1 to eat and I dont care if its varied or not. Maybe people are competitive in your circle but certainly in mine we just want our children to eat a little of something or anything.