How can I improve my relationship with my dd PLEASE

[SpinningEm]

Hi

I really do love my eldest dd (8) but she makes it so hard to like her most of the time. I try to be so patient with her & to start each day on a positive note but she is always so sulky and moody. Every thing I do for her is wrong & I find it so hard to keep my cool with her. I try to ignore this behaviour as I believe it's attention seeking but she won't knock out of it. I'm afraid part of the problem is that we have quite similar personalities and that we clash. I'm naturally a bit of a negative person myself & think she may just be copying my outlook on life.
Does any-one please have any ways to improve this horrible war zone I seem to be living in with her?

[PrettyCandles]

Children spell love T-I-M-E. Try to take some time a couple of times a week to spend exclusively with her. No need to spend lots of money on it, but it's good to get out of the home and onto neutral ground. Don't discuss any siblings during this time, nor do chores if at all possible. Don't advise, control or direct her during the together-times, just be Mummy. It sounds tough, but it's actually quite fun, and mended my relationship with my eldest at a time when things got very upsetting indeed between us. Admittedly he was much younger than yours', but I think the principle holds.

[YesImFine]

my dd1 is also 8 and a pita i love her dearly so im watching with great intrest we seem to be having all the strops of teenage years and aggression half the time i have no idea what starts it she explodes.
i also have a hard time keeping my cool
my mum blames the fact i had my 2 year old! very helpful
we also have an older son so i get alot of oh its because shes in the middle. also very
helful what do they expect me to give one back?
At school she is doing really well and no problem at friends houses i rather she stropped at home doesnt make it any easier.
she effects the whole house.
we give her one to one she gets taken out on her own my husband has other two or he takes her and i have the others.
we have had health vistor and been on parenting courses.we love her very much just not her behaviour.

[SpinningEm]

YesImFine you do sound exactly like me! Although my dd is the eldest dd of 3. Just like your dd mine does well at school & is fine round her friends houses - although there are times when she has her friends round that she goes into her sulks.
In my house it's my middle dd who's an absolute angel and so calm.
Thanks PrettyCandles - I should try to spend more time with her on a 1 to 1 -it's just so hard as I also work & find there's already enough hours in the day. My middle dd manages fine with no special time & I just wish my eldest would!

[YesImFine]

yes mine sulks when friends around and leaves them down with me! says her friends house more intresting. i get annoyed my son who is the eldest has to try and help keep peace. when im cross i shut myself in the kitchen and have put postive comments on it about her and i read it till i calm down i have also told her not to follow me if the door is shut! this does not always happen which makes it worse. ive also got a picture she drew of our family on my phone so if out i can look at it to remind myself she is lovelly at times and not demonise her which is difficult when she is wrecking things in her room or screaming the place down. its exhausting and difficult to find time for everything maybe try once a month to do somthing even for half hour. u need time for u to.

[SpinningEm]

Why do they do it? Does any-one else have any other idesa?