Is this normal 3 year old behaviour ?

[lilyloo]

dd is now testing my patience !
From the minute she wakes everything is an argument.
What she wears , her shoes, clothes etc.
Then our routine for the day
Bath time is a nighmare and dp takes the brunt of that!
dd2 was born 5 mths ago and i am sure some of this is that but ???

[harpomarx]

sorry, the baby probably doesn't help but, yes, it is normal!

luckily they also have good days...

don't they?

[GooseyLoosey]

dd does a lot of this - if she does not get to wear what she wants, that is a cause for a major tantrum. If we do not respond to her the minute she wants something, cue screaming. The screaming never ever leads to her getting what she wants and often she gets a very negative response to it so I have no idea why it continues but its driving me nuts!!

[quaranta]

i would say normal. she is probably realising that dd2 is staying put and that however lovely and exciting that may be that the future is about sharing you! we had this with ds1 when ds2 came along ( 25 month gap) and i can only tell you that it gets better after it gets worse, it goes up and down and isn't very linear but gradually ( little one is now 10 months) it just gets much easier, as mobility begins for ds2 and ds1 sees he has a potential friend for life. much more interesting than when it was just me. when it was very difficult i gave ds 1 treats and allowed him more down time - bit more telly, bit more cake, bit more trying to remember myself what it was like when my little brother came along! then i found i could be more understanding and less worried about ds2. good luck !

[PortAndLemon]

Yes, normal. Choose your battles (so we let DS choose his clothes and shoes, because it's not worth getting into an argument about those). Bath time has got a lot easier recently for some reason, but had been a nightmare.

[lilyloo]

Thanks think i neeed it! It's a slight shock as i have a des 6 so same age gap and he took to dd1 no problems.
We have just got back from a family holiday and i think they were surprised at how she is.
Typically she is fine at nursery etc.

[kitbit]

She's also just getting old enough to realise that she can make her own decisions and wants to experiment with it a bit. ime she might need some more "independence", but you can do it in a way that suits both eg "do you want to do A or B?" where both are acceptable options for you, but she has the illusion of choice. This really helped ds, we do it whenever possible so the times we do have to enforce a schedule or activity, he minds less and is more likely to go along with it.

Also right to think the new baby possibly triggered some changes in her, but I only have 1 ds so no experience of that one!

[lilyloo]

She is really awful to dp at bathtime and screams the place down if he dries her / reads her a story (about same time as i feeding dd2)
W have now said that one of us dries off dd1/ds and then swaps to read story but even still she is having melt down and dp ends up feeling awful.

[kitbit]

At meltdown moments have you tried asking her outright what she wants to do? If she knows what she wants and isn't getting it, at least she can tell you and this often calms them down as they feel you are trying to understand and listen. If she doesn't know what she wants and she's just being "opposite" for the sake of it, it might throw her off for a moment so that you can distract!

disclaimer: this theory falls apart when meltdown in bathroom ends with me saying "tell me what you'd like to do" and the answer is "go and play with my pirates"

[lilyloo]

at real meltdown at bath time it's me she wants but i feel to go in and console her wouldn't be fair on dp ?

[kitbit]

hmm, tricky, although we've found that taking the path of least resistance sometimes helps - ds usually wants me at bedtime even when it's dh's "turn", however it does even out because he wants daddy for playing and running in the park and we've had a chat about it - dh hasn't taken it personally because he knows it's a normal toddler thing! If your dp could look on it the same way maybe tat would be easier for now, just to make her feel more settled generally?

[FairyMum]

Yes, normal. IME the terrible three is much worse than the terrible two. My advice is let her wear what she likes. My 3 year-old has been insisting on wearing his ski-boots all spring and summer no matter how hot

[Walkthedinosaur]

This is so normal, my DS starts on a morning with what spoon and bowl he wants, then it could progress to I've put too much/too little milk in his beaker, wrong beaker etc - I've recently taken to telling him if you scream at mummy you won't get anything at all and I can see him actively trying to pull himself into control, hopefully as they get older then things will improve - so my friend told me yesterday

[liath]

Sounds familiar.

dd has started the screaming thing too.

I try not to give into it otherwise she's going to learn that she gets her own way by being unpeasant but do pick my battles. I ten to let her pick her clothes and always leave loads of time if we're getting ready to go out as if I'm in a rush that always triggers a meltdown.

[lilyloo]

At least i feel better knowing it's not just us.
The problem with letting her have 'me' at bedtime over dp means that ds doesn't get any time from me then at bed time which was what was happening as her meltdowns took over and even though he is happy for dp to read him his story etc. he also wants me to do it and i don't want him to think that dd1 gets her own way all the time too.
Tis a nightmare

[LittleB]

I let dd (3.1) have some choice but give her options, e.g. skirt or dress, this skirt or this one, porridge or weetabix for breakfast, sandals or trainers etc. So she gets to make some decisions.
With bedtime we often do a longer story and then a really short one and sometimes take turns, could you tell her if she's a good girl for daddy who reads the longer story mummy will come and read her a shorter story, it would only take a couple of minutes? I find bribery works quite well at this age.