A Day in the Life of a Mother...

[DazedEmma]

Today is my first day on here and in an hour reading through posts, I have had most of my anxieties, worries and questions answered (I'm 5months pregnant). However, I have no idea what to expect when the baby comes. I have a few questions for new mum's, particularly Mum's who are single parents of don't have the DH/DP around much.

1. When baby comes home, how often does baby sleep? Eat? Cry?

1. Do you ever get any sleep?

1. Is it as hard as they say it is?

1. On average, how much does it cost to have a baby? Bear necessities.

Are there questions normal? I suppose I just imagine I'm

[bossybritches]

Hi DE & welcome to Mumsnet!!

Here are my answers I'm sure others will be along with their thoughts too. The one thing you will learn about MN is that there are very rarely two agreeing answers on a thread & people are more than outspoken in their views!!! That said its a wondeful support and you will waste spend many a happy hour "chatting " on here!!

1. Lots but never when you expect iut too & each baby is different so flexibility is the key!
   
   2)No
   
   3)Yes but lovely too just set your expectations low & don't be hard on yourself
   
   
2. Out of date on this one as mine are 11 & 13 but someone wil update me!
   
   Questions are entirely normal ask away!

[Iota]

welcome to mumsnet

I can't answer your first 3 questions as all babies are different

[Iota]

x post with bb

[MaureenMLove]

Welcome Emma & congrats on being pg!

Its been a long time since I had a baby, mine is nearly 13 so I've come through the other side and I'm onto the questions about teenagers section!

The questions you have left to answer is really up to you and very diffiicult to comment on really. Everyone has such different views on how much sleep is enough or whether its hard or not or how much it costs.

The best thing you can do, it stick around here and get to know the ladies in a similar situation to you and they will guide you though, as you need them.

HTH!

[scorpio1]

1. at first they sleep alot and you may have to wake to feed. they often 'wake up' after a few days. eat 3-4hrly (ish!), some babies cry alot, mine don't.

1. not for a bit....it depends on your baby this one. sleep in the day with your baby.

1. no

1. lots

[scorpio1]

the lothes on ebay are perfect for babies, soooo much cheaper. beg borrow or steal everything else!

i have just had my third

[francagoestohollywood]

Hello and congratulations on your pg!

1. really depends on the baby
   
2. again, depends on the baby (on average: no!)
   
3. It's hard. It's lovely. It's wild.
   
4. Don't know. Breastfeeding saves you lots of money. Also avoid expensive buggies/pushchair (I have a pet hate for expensive ones). I have, however, bought lots of clothes

[Pollyanna]

based on my ds2 (now 8 weeks):

1. to start with he just fed and slept - fed every 1.5 hours though day and night for the first few weeks (with occasional bigger gaps in the day

1. not much - I can't sleep when the baby does (as I have other children), and he was waking every 1.5 hours. That went down to waking twice at night - 1am and 4amish and now he just wakes at 3/4am. But some babies are better sleepers and alot are worse

1. harder I would say (sorry . but worth it - i am besotted with my new baby

1. don't know - we have used most things we already had for the other dcs, and have been given lots of clothes. I would advise to borrow/buy second hand if possible - the things they need when newborn (crib/pram/babygrows) really do not last very long at all.

[foxythesnowfox]

Ahh, DazedEmma, you'll be fine

Babies work to their own timetable. Don't fight it, go with it for the first 6 weeks at least.

You get sleep. Not much, but your body produces the stuff you need to help you cope. I think you need 5 hours to be able to function as a human being. Anything more is a bonus.

Its really hard. Physically because of sleep deprivation. Emotionally (because of sleep deprivation!). It takes its toll. But for all that it is worthwhile, fulfilling.

It is as expensive as you want it to be. I borrowed everything for DC1. Ended up buying things for 3 & 4. Consider where you will store it all if you don't pass it on before you buy it.

When I started out on this motherhood malarky I was a single parent. DC1 and I would just rub along together. It was lovely if I'm honest!

[BroccoliSpears]

Everyone's experience is different. In my experience...

They sleep a lot but not for long stretches at a time.

They feed more often than you could possibly expect.

It is as hard as they say it is, but my big surprise was that it is amazing and wonderful and rewarding and funny and romantic and intense and fabulous as well as hard.

Good luck! Your new Mumsnet username may end up being your most helpful piece of baby equipment.

[Dragonbutter]

DazedEmma, congratulations on discovering mumsnet right now, before you've even had your baby. I'm gutted i didn't discover until i had two children and all the really hard stuff was done.

All babies are different so again, it's impossible to answer the first three questions. You'll be fine...and when you're not, come on here for a rant any time of day or night. There's always somebody else around.

My advice for doing it cheaply is not to go buying everything before baby arrives. It's impossible to know what your particular baby will need so those who feel the need to be totally prepared will end up buying all sorts of useless crap.
You and your baby will figure out what you need in time.

See you around!

[Dragonbutter]

Just thought, Isn't there a TiredEmma?

[bumperlicious]

Welcome to MN!

1. When baby comes home, how often does baby sleep? Eat? Cry? - I imagine it's very different, depends if LO has colic, wind, reflux, how they are fed. My advice is feed on demand (I always used to say "she can't be hungry - I only fed her an hour ago!" but she probably was), sod the housework, ask friends to provide you with meals instead of presents, and at least rest if you can't sleep when the baby sleeps.

1. Do you ever get any sleep?

It's broken and it's tough. You will dream about the baby, you will dream that you've lost it or dropped it! Doesn't feel like a break but it does get better. Try and make sure you preserve night and day (easier said than done) and remember that newborns aren't supposed to sleep through, no matter what anyone else says.

1. Is it as hard as they say it is?

Yes, it is, but it's also more rewarding than anyone can explain.

1. On average, how much does it cost to have a baby? Bear necessities.

Tough one, you don't need a lot, beg, borrow and steal stuff, NCT nearly new sales, freecycle, charity shops. You'll need something for it to sleep in and something for it to wear, nappies, and a pushchair. Not much else for the first couple of months. But you will need some TLC for yourself ;)

All totally normal to be worrying about. But you know what, you really cannot prepare yourself for what it is going to be like, so in the meantime look after yourself, enjoy peace and quiet, hot meals and hot drinks, reading newspapers and having a lie in! And make the most of mumsnet - it's been invaluable for me.

[DazedEmma]

wow this site is fantastic!! I love how many replies I have to this, you have all been so much help

I truly believe no amount of preparation can truly prepare. I've not got a great deal of dosh because I'm doing this alone so all your help and tips have been super xx

[bumperlicious]

Sorry to hear you are going this alone. There are lots of old threads about frugal living, meal planning etc. Have kick about and see what you can find, and we are all here for you

[foxythesnowfox]

you're gonna get sooooo sucked in to MN!

Useful things I heard first time:

Pregnancy only prepares you for giving birth
Get lots of bibs
Live near a park
oh, and trust your instincts.

I have very, very fond memories of DS and I being a little family unit of our own. Yep, it was hard and sometimes I felt like I was losing my mind, but I wouldn't have changed it for anything. It was special, cosy and wonderful.

And far less complicated!

[InTheDollshouse]

Congrats on your pregnancy DE.

Get yourself a copy of What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen and read it now (while you have time ). It's not a "how to" parenting manual, but a look at what mothering involves and how mothers experience it. It's inspiring and reassuring.

[Thomcat]

Hi DazedEmma

I'll answer from my pov but everyone is so different

1 - in my situations my last baby, now 8 months old, breastfed every 2 hours 24hours a day. Inbetween she slept all the time. Becasue she was breastfed she never really cried. I knew she needed feeding moments before she knew and would be there before she needed to cry really.

2 Yes I slept when she slept. Because she was in bed with me all night I just had to roll over and feed her, keep my eyes shut most of the time, esp as we both got better at it. At first I kept a dim lamp on low all night, then as we got it sorted I turned this off and kept it off.

3 - It's all consuming. It just takes up every single second and is tiring and can be very very hard and make you feel a bit low sometimes. But at the same time you adore this small person and would do anything for them so.....

4 - never really worked out the costs. but breastfeedign will be a lot cheaper then bottles, steriliser, milk etc. Also if you are on your own you might find it easier?????

Going to watch BB but will think of other things that might help. Be back later, TC x

[HensMum]

The newborn weeks are HARD WORK. Really, really hard work. But then, it gets easier, I think partly as you get used to lack of sleep, being a mum etc but partly babies just get easier to look after as they get older. You can feed less often, they get more responsive and interactive so more fun to play with etc. And you get to know your baby, what they like and don't like, how to settle them and so on.
I found that after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 4 months and 6 months I had these breakthroughs when it just seemed to be that much easier. Still bloody hard work but not nearly as bad.
Just keep telling youself - it gets easier.
When my son was tiny, someone asked how much sleep we were getting and I replied "oh, he's really good, last night we got 6 hours in two 3 hours stretches". And that really was a good night's sleep! You get used to it.

[SmugColditz]

For the first 4 weeks, forget day and night. It is perfectly reasonable to conduct most of your affairs in a milk stained nightie, and to order in pizza every night. For your lunch.

If baby is awake at 3am, you have to be awake too, so therefore it is acceptable that if baby is asleep for 3 hours between 11 and 2pm, you can be too.

Bare necessities
2 packs of 7 newborn primark vests - £8. Will need to be replaced every 3 months until 1 year old, and every 6 months after that.

2 packs of 3 Primark babygrows - £10. Ditto above for replacing.

2 cardigans from Primark - £10

Hats and scratch mitts - £10 total max

YOu also need

Blankets for the cot

a cot and a mattress for the cot

A method of transporting the baby (usually pram or pushchair - some go for a sling but a lot cannot cope with having nowhere to put the baby down ever and having to carry all equipment

Nappies - now, I know a lot of people sing the praises of washable nappies, but if you are on your own with a newborn I would strongly advise you to buy the second size of washables only and use disposables until you fall into a routine whenever your baby decides to do so. Babies poo a LOT at first sometimes, and you can quickly become exhausted on your own with no help if you run out of nappies.

Cotton wool for nappy changes

Nappy cream for nappy changes

Non biological washing powder for the baby's clothes, bedding, towel and nappies - if it's just you and the baby it's easier just to switch yourself over to non bio!

If you decide to mix feed or bottle feed, you need a steriliser, bottles and formula, if you know you will want to express and keep the milk, you will need the above and a pump.

YOu do NOT need a baby bath, a bottle warmer, a baby wipe warmer (or indeed baby wipes), special expensive 'educational' toys, multitudes of clothes, shoes until the child is walking around outside, crawler shoes, Baby Einstein dvds, £300 prams, matching nursery or any of that guff.

The baby needs food of an appropriate type, to have it's bottom kept reasonably clean and dry, to be kept at an appropriate temperature, and you. That's it.

If you are on you own, I advise you to get a lot of nice sandwich fillings in, plenty of bread, some nice juices (but include some prune juice in case you get constipated) and some paper cups and plate. Then you can kiss off cooking and washing up for as long as you like.