Should I actively initiate a 'facts of life' chat with DS (8.5 years) or wait til he asks more?

[quandry]

I don't consider myslef particularly prudish, and always answer the DC's questions. So, for example, they know about childbirth, and a woman's anatomy ("three holes"!) etc.
However my eldest has never asked any more about how a baby is made etc and is still completely unaware of sex etc.

I can't decide whether to begin to introduce information about sex & relationships, or wait til he asks.

DH says he was actually quite scared/ overwhelmed by it all when he found out (bless!)so I don't want to rush into anything.

However I'm also aware that some of DS's friends seem to know more, and I will feel I've let him down if he's the last to find out, or has to find out from friends.

Any thoughts or experiences?

[willali]

If your son hears things in the playground etc I'm sure he will ask you to explain anything he doesn't understand - I would wait till it comes up naturally in conversation or in response to a question. This is what happened with my 2 and after a brief explanation of "this goes there and this is what happens...." and the obligatory "UUUURRRGGGHHHH" and "did you and Dadddy REALLY do that TWICE??" that was that! I'm sure they will have more questions and I will have to go into more detail with my daughter eventually re periods but I feel they know enough for the moment and they know they can ask anything and they get an honest answer. HTH

[PrimulaVeris]

I've never done such a 'here's the facts' chat with my two, though I'm alone amongst my RL friends in not doing so. I just think it's artificial.

Both children are curious and ask questions as tehy go along - maybe after school, at bathtime - whenever and wherever, and amount of information that is right for THEM. Then it's not an issue and seems all the more natural. (Though DD still told me she didn't know EVERYTHING by time she had Y6 sex edu, but then those who had had formal chat were not necessarily much better informed anyway)

[molette]

I agree with PV: used a very slow, gradual approach with my two, answering questions when they arise, and instigating a few conversations. Tampax was explained in supermarket, masturbation when DD asked why her 'bits go all tingly then stop' aged 6. Remember those excrutiating formal chats with my own parents. No way - too scary!

[iMum]

I explained everthing to me ds the day he asked me in the bath what his "planets" (nads) were for. I gave to him in one piece, whole and simple along the lines of...
"you know when your wink gets all big?.. sperms live in your planets, they get together with the eggs in the mummy to grow a baby. you have to get your "big" wink and put in the mummys nun, the sperms swim out after a bit and then a baby can grow.
He was 5 and took it really well (i was preggers at the time so it was obviously something he was thinking about) he still talks about it now, I told him the real names for wink and nun and he uses them from time to time. Im just happy that we can talk about it freely now and have since gone on to discuss "sex" as not just to make babies.

[molette]

cute! My ds thinks he's going to have two babies, because he's got two testicles. I've had a go at explaining, but he's not getting it. An erection is a 'bonger' - a kid up the road was talking about a boner and he misheard. Like the word nun - it's a ninny in our house - or a hairy mary if you're a certain age.

[cupcakesinthesnow]

My son starting asking leading questions about how babies get into tummies aged 7. Both sons knew how babies came out fro a very early age as they saw y pregnancy books and were fascinated by it all.

One day in the bath ds1 said he had been looking at his Body Book (Prof Winston one) and was confused and a bit worried as he thought blood would come out his winkle to make a baby (?) I asked him lots of questions to gage what he actually knew and put his fears to rest. I felt that this way he was leading the conversationand I was not telling him anything he didn;t need to know yet. So by the end of his bath he understanood that mens penises go hard so as they can put sperm into a ladies vagina that swims up to meet an egg etc etc. As far as I am aware although he knows phyically how the sperm get to the egg he hasn't put the actualy physical positions in place iyswim so we have not discussed men and ladies kissing to get the penis hard and all that iykwim.

Both ds's(now 6 and 8) knew about periods from a young age as they asked what my mmoncup was (they were playing with it in the bathroom!) and I casually explained like it was no big deal.

However, I have drawn the line at ds2's request of 'Can I see your wee wee hole mummy?' I said no as it was private. I think he can;t quite get his head around me not having a willy!

[AMumInScotland]

I'd be tempted to wait until he asks, but if he doesn't show any interest by the time he gets nearer to either puberty or high school, I'd take the initiative at that stage. I got my DS the "Lets Talk About Sex" book, which is aimed at about 9-12 I think - it covers lots of topics in a straightforward way, and has both girl and boy info.