Am I being overprotective? Toddler on a boat...

[mankymummy]

ExP wants to have DS overnight at his new place. However his new place turns out to be a boat, a cruiser type thingy.

He's never had a boat before and certainly wouldnt know how to drive one so I'm not worried about him absconding with him but I would be worried sick if he had him overnight on a boat.

ExP likes a drink and DS is a very, very active and clever little boy. I'm worried he wont be supervised properly and will fall overboard.

Am I being ridiculous? Would you be happy with this situation?

[welshmum]

Nope you're not being ridiculous at all, I'm sitting here worrying about your ds already.

[SquonkTheBeerGuru]

I don't think you are being too overprotective, no. Especially as he likes to have a drink and you can't be 100% sure of the safety of the boat.

Would it be out of the question for you to go and have a look at the boat beforehand? Perhaps there is a cabin type place that automatically locks, that ds cannot get out of, in which case he would be perfectly safe... I am sure that there is a compromise here if you want to look for one.

But if you cannot be sure your boy will be safe, don't let him go.

[mankymummy]

I certainly would want to see it beforehand, dont trust exP to check for safety (I have previous grounds for feeling like this am not just a nutter!).

But... even if there's a lockable cabin, whats he going to do lock DS in there all day?! Can I trust him to remember to lock it in any case? Should I insist DS wears a life jacket at all times?

[SquonkTheBeerGuru]

yes, ds should wear a lifejacket all the time.

I presumed they would just be sleeping on the boat. You're right, there is no way he can keep a small boy amused in the confines of a boat - they're like a caravan inside.

[SorenLorensen]

No, I don't think you are being over-protective. Your ds might get out of bed, your ex might not hear him...no, doesn't bear thinking about. I don't know what the answer is - I'm assuming you're happy for your ex to have him overnight on dry land?

[mybestfriendiscalledstig]

How old is your ds, mankymummy?

[hifi]

we had a speed boat on hols and even though dd had a life jacket on if i wasnt holding her with my legs and arms im sure she would have flown out, into shark infested waters.
i couldnt rest.

[madamez]

Depends a lot on how old DS is. Can he, for instance, swim? I took mine for a weekend on a sailing boat (his grandparents on dad's side have one and love sailing - they also have lifejackets in every kid size...) and it was fine - but you do need to have a proper talk with your XP about safety, lifejackets etc and it's not at all unreasonable for you to want to see the boat first.

[LoopyLena]

I wouldn't be happy...especially if he drinks a lot, depends how old your DS is, mines 8 and I'd say NOOOOOOO!

[mankymummy]

He is 2+8, no he can't swim.

I'm more than happy for him to have DS overnight in his own place providing it is safe. He has had him overnight a few times at my house whilst I've stayed with a friend. BUT my house is DS-proof!

The trouble is that exP just doesnt think or recognise dangers where DS is concerned. He'll happily put a hot pan on the front ring where DS can reach it and pull it down for example rather than putting it on the back ring.

ExP will definitely not necessarily wake up if DS wakes in the night, espec. if he's had too many beers.

[LoopyLena]

He may tell you he'll put a life jacket on him...but how will you know he's done it???

I really lack trust, don't I???

[LoopyLena]

No...no...nopety NO!!!

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

boats & toddlers=fine if someone is prepared to be constantly alert and the boat has the right features (eg lockable cabin)
boats,toddlers and alcohol=not all right.

[mankymummy]

sorry I sound like I've let my DS stay overnight here with a total drunk. He only really drinks once DS is in bed and once he's down he usually sleeps through. He doesnt drink to falling over stage, just i know that the amount he drinks impairs his judgement.

[mankymummy]

nope Loopy... I'm right up there with you on the trust front. Just wanted to get a general feeling before I tell him its not a good idea, because I know he is going to go ballistic and say I'm a control freak and its not my decision to make.

[LoopyLena]

Oh but it IS! He's your precious DS! Does he have Parental responsibility? If not, it's SOOOOO your decision!!!!

[mankymummy]

oh dont worry I shall not be letting DS do anything that I dont think is right.

exP will only make decisions that are for his own benefit not DS's.

I just sometimes think I'm a bit over the top protective-wise re. DS, but this has reassured me that I'm not the crazy bunny boiling control freak that exP seems to think i am !

[LoopyLena]

Certainly not!!!

[seeker]

How big is the boat? I've brought up two children on a boat and haven't lost one yet!

[mankymummy]

40ft I think. I havent seen it yet.

[seeker]

That's quite big - there may very well be lots of room inside. And it may very well have a secure rail between ds and the water. Of course it might be a leaking rust-bucket - but have a look before you decide.

The water is less dangerous than a major road outside the front door! (In my biassed opinion)

[mankymummy]

ah thats a point hadn't even realised boats may have a secure rail. i think i will ask to see the boat before saying no (although i have a feeling it will be a no anyway) to at least give him the benefit of the doubt.

it wont be a rust bucket, it'll be a top of the range luxury something knowing exP.

[branflake81]

I'd be tempted to say yes - provided you can be certain he will wear a life jacket. I am sure your ex-p is not a moron and can keep an eye on him.

[mankymummy]

He is a moron , thats why I'm worried.

If it was a friend or my sister or someone having him on a boat I'd be fine about it.