DD 8 Over reacting over EVERYTHING!

[emma57573]

My dd I should add is and has always been a bit of a drama queen! But the last 6 months I would say she just seems to fly off the handle over things and wont let things go.
Its over silly things! mainly to do with her friends at school she will lay on a huge long story about how she has no friends and no one likes her but when you sit down and chat with her you come to realize that she has just fallen out with a friend, she has plenty of other friends but she will just let it eat away at her.
And at home shes terrible if things dont go to plan. Just an example tonight we were reading Anne Frank and she comes out with 'you've read that bit' I hadnt read the page in question but she carried on and on about it so in the end I stopped reading and she spent half an hour crying in her room then came down not to apologize but still to argue her case! What I think happened is she read ahead of me and then forgot but she wouldn't have that. So I just dropped it and told her to go to bed and I would read tomorrow night when shes in a better mood!
That sounds like shes a bit of a brat! but shes not in all other respects she a well-behaved, well mannered, bright young girl but she just doesn't seem to be able to handle any issues recently

She seems to get herself in a bit of a state over silly things but I worry as she also gets very down about it. The problems are obviously very real problems in her head.
On parents evening dd got a very good report but the teacher did address the fact that shes overreacting and needs to learn to keep calm and not let things get to her so its obviously not jut a problem at home.

Im not sure how to handle it. I try to put things into perspective for her and if she really carries on I will ignore it. But while that works in the short term at addressing the problem it doesn't seem to be working in the long term and Im not really sure what else to do about it.
I used to to tell her to write down her feelings if something was really getting to her but this doesn't seem to work anymore as she obviously feels the need to express it openly.

Any ideas?

[willali]

You have just described one of my children ( a little older that yours). I take an absolute zero tolerance approach to these outbursts (I leave the room or send child to bedroom) and I find when the audience is removed the performance stops very quickly. When things are calmer we talk and then it will come out that something has happened at school (I have heard the "no friends" story SOOOOOO many times!)or whatever. I say that you should talk to me first about whatever is troubling you BEFORE we have a performance about something trivial - then evryone will be happier and you won't get into such a state. I think (hope) that these outbursts and tantrums are getting less frequent so maybe we are getting there - I do try and make a point if all has been good to sit down at bedtime and chat about stuff to reinforce the point that I am there for chats if need be. If your daughter is inconsolable / "performs" even without an audience for hours at a time I would look into whether she is clinically depressed - I have heard of this type of thing in a girl of similar age but in that case the outbursts were extreme and prolonged. HTH

[emma57573]

Yes that makes sence I think I maybe panda to it a bit to much. Ive always tried to put it in perspective for her but maybe I should try the zero tolerance and just bang it on the head as soon as it starts and like you say talk about it when shes calmed down. Where as I try to talk to her in the mid rage! I always talk to her after also but I think thats just to much pandering. She gets down but in lots of other respects shes a normal happy child apart from when shes having her outbursts so I wouldnt say she was depressed.
I was talking to dh in depth about this late last night and I think maybe alot of it, is vibes she is picking up on from me and dh as we havnt exactly seen eye to eye of late and I suppose if we examine ourselves we have been flying off the handle also.

Bringing up children can be so hard sometimes, you try so hard but sometimes you mess up. And Im feeling incredible guilty that I may have caused it

[willali]

blaming yourself is the sure way to insanity. I personally believe that nature outweighs nurture by a huge margin. We do not have a right to a child we actually LIKE. It sounds depressing but we may find that our children don't match up to the ideal in our imaginations and some times I certianly feel that my difficult child is a little bugger and really don't like being around him! I manage by 1)managing the diffcult moments as above as I have found this is the best way (after trying all other methods such as trying to reason with him, star charts, begging(!) etc)and 2)keeping it in perspective - if we have a difficult hour that means we have had a reasonably tolerable 23 hours that day. It just feels like that hour lasts 23 hours sometimes.....

[keevamum]

My DD1 is 7 almost 8 and sounds exactly like your child. Funnily enough as a young child she was an absolute angel, never spoke back overreacted or did anything cheeky. Now,however, it's a different matter. We had a similar report at school too with the teachers stating she could overreact in certain situations, although they did stress for the majority of the time she is an angel. I think there are a few factors at work with my DD. There has been a lot more tension in our house since dd2 came along 2 years ago, I am naturally quite explosive so I think this rubs off, also she has probably inherited this gene, they are at the age of trying to assert themselves more and so we probably have to try to teach them more acceptable methods of control. Any ideas? I'll teach her to count to 10, 10 deep breaths and then begin..