How does one deal with toddler meltdown in TK Maxx?

[Meeely2]

There I was happily shopping, when DT2 (3)decided he was weary of this shopping lark so increased the volume a few notches. I decided to nip it in the bud before he got really loud and rounded up DT1 and headed for checkouts. On the way down the stairs DT2 says he wanted to go down the other stairs "The BLACK stairs mummy, i want to go down the BLACK stairs!!!!!!!" To avoid a possible confrontation I say, well off you go, you go down the Black stairs and me and DT1 will meet you at the bottom"

Cue Meltdown..........think of the loudest most pearcing blood curdling scream, then double it...."YOU COME WITH ME, MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!" Cue flushed cheeks from me, lots of stares (plus i knew there were people in there i knew as well), so in low voice, "I'm going to count to three young man, and if you don't calm down, we are going home" "I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Grab arm and frog march down stairs, collecting DT1 on the way "LET GO, LET GO, I WANT DADDY!!!!!!!!" I did actually have something I needed to pay for, so had to queue...."I DON'T WANT TO PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (that one got a few smiles from other shoppers, i mean who does want to pay!)....

I stood in queue for what seemed like eternity, bright red with embarrasment, on the verge of tears (If someone had spoken to me I would have snapped I'm sure), while I got screamed at and slapped (he doesn't hit hard, it was just the embarrasment of being beaten 'mentally' by a toddler).

I felt like he was totally in control, I had no say in his behaviour at all, in fact anything I did say made things worse and made me feel closer to loosing it with him.

This behaviour is extreme for him, he can have his moments at home of sulking and I just ignore him, or time out him, but it's never been on that scale before.

How could I have dealt with it diffently? I got back to car and flipped at him once all the doors were shut and passers by could only see the anger in my eyes and see my mouth opening and closing. I then cried. DT1 asked what was wrong. I cried more! DT2 cried then fell asleep.

How do you fab mummy's deal with similar situations that don't end up in you resolving NEVER to take your kids shopping again.....?

[dinny]

mmmmm, I would never take ds (3) clothes shopping, ever. he hates it soooo much and would also go into meltdown. sorry, prob not helpful tips-wise!

[GrapefruitMoon]

Hmmm - have to say TK Maxx is not the sort of place I would take toddlers really - because you can't exactly nip in and out quickly can you - it's more of a browsing for bargains sort of place...

My boys definitely hated shopping more than dd did at that age - maybe it's a male thing! I would keep any future trips short and try to incorporate an element of fun as well - maybe trip to library/cafe sort of thing...

Sounds like your ds might have been tired anyway which probably would account for the meltdown.

I still have flashbacks to the day ds1 had the worst tantrum ever in town (on market day...) when I had to get dh to come and meet us as I literally could not get him home (shudder)

[Meeely2]

I guess what makes me ask is that DT1 was perfectly happy, so my thoughts on it are slightly different, why would one behave like this and not the other? If it's a normal toddler thing to do, why aren't they both doing it.

I guess i pushed my luck, they were fab in B&Q while buying a few bits to decorate at home, then we stopped at McD's for a re-fuel and then I asked if they wanted to go home or wanted to go shopping. I was buying a gift for a friends new baby - not browsing for myself. They said they wanted to go shopping so off we went. DT1 happily pressed buttons on all the display toys while DT2 wandered about.

I'll just take DT1 nest time!

[flamingtoaster]

Did they eat anything different from each other in McDonalds- could he have been made hyper by an additive in something?

[TrinityRhino]

I think I would have just ignored him, pulled him along with you to pay and whatever

and try not to lose it with him in the car

its just what toddlers do sometimes when everything gets a bit much for them or they are vored
IGNORE other poeple, it really has nothing to do qwith them

[cory]

My dd had quite a few meltdowns in shops, ds never did- some toddlers do typical toddler behaviour, others don't. Nothing to do with parenting, it's just how their personalities cope with that particular stage in their lives. Just like some teenagers do the typical Kevin thing, and others carry on acting like reasonable human beings. Just like some women get really temperamental during the menopause (remembering my own mum...) and others stay sweet and reasonable. Just one of those things, not the fault of their families.

What I used to do during dd's meltdowns was just to step aside and let her have her tantrum out in the aisle (and wait joining the queue). I would stare unconcernedly into the middle distance while she howled and kicked (though I would hold her hands if she was trying to hit anyone- including me).

My rationale was that most people will be able to sympathise with a mum accompanied by tantrumming toddler, so there was no need to be embarrassed, as long as I stayed calm(look folks, it's her having the tantrum, not me, I'm Supernanny I am!). You may need to practise the unconcerned look in front of the mirror, I know I did.

[FranSanDisco]

Oh sympathies. I used to subject ds to TK Maxx on a regular basis. As soon as I'd start browsing he'd tell him he needed the toilet. Any attempts to make him wait would be met with "I'm desperate". Nearest toilets would be miles away so aborted shopping trip! Thank god dd and ds are at school now and I can browse

[QuintessentialShadow]

This is the effect of Tkmaxx. I feel it in my skin, I want to run and scream. I dont because I am an adult. Your dcs have more sense. Stay away from tkmaxx, it is TORTURE!

I hate the way the shop is laid out, I have given up, and NOT with kids in tow. Not doable in my opinion.

[helenelisabeth]

I'm afraid I wouldn't take a toddler clothes shopping if I can help it, you are on a No Win situation! I can always remember as a child my mum stopping to chat to people when we went to the local shops, I have never forgotten how boring it was and I understand it when my DD1 (5) plays up whilst out shopping.

[michymama]

Meeely2 - I can really sympathise with you. We were flying home to uk with DD5 and DS3. DH was sat with DS and had made the HUGE mistake of letting him fall asleep in his arms, so when we came into land he had to wake him to put him in his chair. Cue HUGE MEGA tantrum, he refused to sit down, scraming and crying. Stewardess tried her best to help us, offered to pass him over to me, let him sit near her, sit him on our knees with the toddler belt, we tried EVERYTHING. In then end they landed with DS stood in front of his seat. I was mortified, as was DH. What made it worse was the comments from the other mainly sicilian passengers. I am not usually one for snapping but did answer back. As soon as we landed he shut up.
I am due to fly back with them on my own in 6 days and I'm dreading it !!
BTW this was Ryanair and they were fantastic !

[hana]

don't take kids shopping unless you absolutely have to

not remotely interesting or fun for them at all

[marmadukescarlet]

He's 3, you'd already taken him round B&Q, you took them to McD's for lunch, then you took him to TKMaxx?

My sypmathies lay with him entirely.

He may have been tired or hyped up from his happy meal - whatever they put in those things.

Do your children not go to playgroup/nursery/pre-school? giving you free time to go shopping.

[BroccoliSpears]

Disagree with those who say don't take a toddler clothes shopping.
If I never took my toddler to the shops I would never go to the shops.
Plus, I do think that it's not a bad thing for children to sometimes get used to doing things they don't want to do - 90% of my week is taken up with toddler groups and swimming lessons and trips to the park and the playground and to friends houses to play. Sometimes we do things I want to do, and I don't feel bad about that. In fact, I'll go further and say I think it's important for my dd to see me in a boring, normal setting, shopping or browsing or doing things that mummies do - I'm not a plaything that exists purely to ferry her to the next brightly coloured, padded plastic environment.

As to how to deal with the meltdown. Well, it doesn't sound like you did badly - you didn't let him control the situation, you still paid and bought what you wanted. Sometimes toddlers get cross. Don't feel embarrassed. Perhaps the only thing you could have done diffferently is not to take it so personally and get upset. People probably weren't judging, and if they were, so? I wouldn't have got cross in the car, but I'm not a fan of getting cross (will also say mine is younger than yours so perhaps that's something I'll re-evaluate in time!)

When my dd kicks off, I mentally tell myself that I have all the time in the world to deal with it, however long it takes. I try and detatch a bit - if she's not in control of her emotions then I want to be completely calm and in control for both of us, to make everything seem safer and get things sorted.

That's a bit of an essay! Sorry, might be of no use, but I warmed to my theme!

[Trix11]

In my experience as soon as I walk away and go somewhere where I can see the child but they cant see me they soon pick themselves up and quickly calm down. Personally I give no attention at all to a tantrum and luckily for me it works.

Also you have to bring a child shopping with you from time to time and whilst it may not be their favorite past time, its something they have to tolerate in the same way I have to tolerate endless sessions of play group and children's parties

[hana]

never take 3 or 6 year old shopping, it's far too boring for them. I do it on weekend or when they are at school/playgroup etc. sometimes take 18m old but she is contained in buggy and can't get out

clothes shopping and going to shops for things you need are different I think - happily take 3 year old to highstreet for errands but never browsing or clothes shopping, sorry

[Meeely2]

dh was away ski-ing, i don't have anyone to call upon to have kids while I dash to the shops. In MY defence, he is NEVER like this in public, hence my misplaced confidence that all would be well. The upset and embarrasement was caused by my shock at his volume and my inability to shut him up. If I had walked away it would have got louder until I returned or until someone brought him to me (I had tried to walk down the stairs with DT1, remember, leaving him to walk down whichever steps he wanted to). The added embarrasment of two of my friends being in the shop too didn't help.

I work all week and they are at nursery, so I very rarely shop without them, or I shop online. I don't like being at home with them for prolonged periods so always drag them from pillar to post on a saturday trying to spend 'quality time' with them because I don't see them all week.

Purely and simply I was embarrased, and when I am embarrased I either get angry or I cry, so I did both. I don't deal well with folk staring at me for negative reasons, and even if they weren't tutting, they were looking at me with pity which I sometimes think is worse.

I love the attention I get when they are behaving well "are they twins, haven't they got lovely eyes", but to experience this in front of people just made me feel weak and pathetic.....not sure I can change that to be honest.

NOTE: he was an angel yesterday and his bro was the devil, but DH was home, so left DT1 home with him and took DT2 out for a treat!

[Meeely2]

oh and i wasn't browsing, I knew what i wanted and i went straight for it, but a few other pink baby outfits caught my eye and i thumbed through them - i noticed he was getting bored so made quick my escape - we were leaving when meltdown ensued - he wasn't melting because i was browsing.....