Can you teach a 19 month old "NO"? Am losing the will to live...

[bohemianbint]

Mine is driving me up the wall. He throws his food, charges up and down the sofa turning lamps on and off, and crushes the cat.

He wriggles like an eel - I took him to Wacky Warehouse yesterday and when it was time to leave I asked him to stand still while I put my shoes on and he ran off and almost got out. I then had to drag him back and half sit on him whilst I put my other shoe on, and practically pin him down to put his kit on. People must have thought I looked like a total hag-mother.

When I change his nappy he wriggles and won't stay put which is frustrating when he's covered in poo. I was wrestling with him again today and after he repeatedly kicked me in my (17 week pregnant) stomach I lost the plot and yelled at him. I feel awful but he's driving me mad and I really don't now how to deal with it.

What do you do?

[Poppychick]

Oh God!! sounds awful, this is probably what I have ahead of me too. Mine is currently 14mths and very very similar TBH I'm struggling to cope with him.

I assumed things would get better when he understood more and could communicate more, maybe not.

Sorry no help am I!

[Nbg]

Oh how I have just laughed to myself.
My 19 month old is exactly the same.

I would never have said a child of that age could be naughty but my ds1 is naughty.

Last week he went through a phase of eating things, including Sudocrem, Epiderm, Glue and Orchid Plant food.
This week its injuries. So far we've had a bust nose and a fat lip.

It does start to wear down eventually because it really is just a phase.
The only advice I can give you is to be firm when your talking to him but don't shout. I find that my ds responds more when I'm calm than if I'm screaming with red steam coming out of my ears (though this does happen on occasions).

I know how you feel re the pregnancy too. I had my second son in December so it was a bit of a nightmare with kicking out and such like.
My dh used to take over on those occasions if he was there.

My dd was an absolute dream toddler and my how the tables have turned

[sweetgrapes]

Mine is much the same. I have a few cars and books in all my pockets/changing bag/hand bag/buggy/car and anywhere else that I can think to put them. He is very much into cars so that works well.

I show him the car/book at the same time as asking him to sit/lie still and only hand it over when he is sitting. Then get on with putting shoes/coat on or changing nappy as fast as possible. Mostly works. If I don't have anything then he's all over the place - specially with nappy changes. Also, he has a favourite blanket that he sucks his thumb with. I use that too.

[CoteDAzur]

Of course you can teach him "No". No need to shout, but use a stern voice.

There was another thread about how to get toddlers to freeze when you shout "Stop!" - apparently playing games where everybody stops in their tracks when you say "stop" does the trick. Very valuable when he is about to run into a busy street without you...

[sweetgrapes]

Also, stand alongside rather than at the end of him to avoid the kicks while changing nappies, iykwim. Mine thinks it's great fun too. And if I show any reaction then it's grrrrreeeaat fun, so more kicks. So, NO reaction other than maybe a stern face and a 'NO'. I have stopped saying anything but have moved to the side. (Not preggers but still don't like being kicked in the ribs. He did it enough when he was inside of me.)

[Alambil]

I find a stern "no" and a hard clap works well... the clap shocks them into taking a pause in the action and then you can try to distract them

[HonoriaGlossop]

God I so remember this with ds, who was just as you describe. I will never forget my feelings of being utterly stressed and exhausted just by getting us both changed for swimming...in order to stop him running madly away while I put our clothes in the locker I had to have him in a bizarre sort of leg-strangle-hold while I faffed with the locker token etc etc and my friend (with a girl the same age) serenely put her stuff away with her dd standing demurely beside her......

grrr

I went over to pull up nappies at this stage and it really helped to make nappy changes no longer a flashpoint.

When he started to range round jumping off the furniture etc I sometimes made a mountain out of the sofa cushions and he really used to enjoy that

Water play really absorbed him too at this age so I did stick him in the bath as much as poss to avoid too much running round the house madness

And I had a playpen in the living room for if I needed to go to the loo or answer the door without worrying about mayhem while my back was turned for half a minute.

Hope some of that is helpful

[bohemianbint]

Dya know, this has really cheered me up, thank you. I was starting to worry he was hyperactive or something and I'm just a bad tempered harpy so it's good to know that it's not just my son. And thanks for the suggestions, I will give them a try!

Do they grow out of this madness? [hopeful face]

[Poppychick]

I also worry mine is hyper active or something else but it seems to be a common theme grrrr!!!

Like the idea of a loud clap and also find turning away from him when naughty can help.

[crokky]

Re the cat: my DS is now 23 months old and for the last few months, we have been telling him "careful" and "stroke nicely" in relation to my mum's (small and old) dog. He understands these words now. I am also pg and I am hoping that it will be useful that he understands these words when there is a new baby around.

Re the nappy: We have also taught DS the word "nappy". Again, he can't say the word, but he understands it. I try to put a plastic toy (one which can easily be wiped!) in his hand whilst I do the nappy and talk to him through the change telling him he is a good boy when he keeps still. If when I tell him he is going to have a new nappy he is very resistant, I will leave it 5 minutes as I don't want to fight him! (Am 35 weeks pg!).

I use reins when trying to do something like lock a door etc when DS is on his feet rather than in a buggy. You can keep them from running away then with the reins just on one finger.

[kbaby]

Oh I just started a similar thread on the behaviour threads about 19 month DS.
He s exactly the same as yours. Although has a temper so if you dare to say the word 'no' its met with him turning into the incredible hulk and quickly scanning his eyes across the room to see what he can throw.
The constant 'mam' is what drains me as if your busy doing something ie shopping he says it over and over again until eventually your fed up hearing your name.
Getting dressed, DS runs away so ive tried to turn it into a game of peek a boo and nappy changes I start singing songs in a bid to get him to keep still.
I need to get some reins though as he runs away at any opputunity. DD was never like this and would be as honoriaglossip described above [smle]

[MadamePlatypus]

I think you can say No in a firm voice so that they begin to understand what it means, but I don't think you can expect them to reliably act on it until they are much older.

I think distraction and removal from scene if doing something dangerous (or restraining e.g. putting in buggy if out) are only methods to practically deal with undesirable behaviour (which may just be natural toddler behaviour).

The problem with 'No' and toddlers, I find, is that it becomes a habit and escalates into shouting on my part. If I can avoid 'telling off' I also delay the point when mummy gets really, really cross.

Having said that, I can recall many times when I have observed some scene (mobile phone thrown in bath) when any speech beyond "no, just NO" has been beyond me.

[cory]

MadamePlatypus sums it up beautifully.

I used to keep dd in her buggy in shops at that age, or else in reins; I just could not rely on her standing still, so I thought I might just as well save a few battles by not asking her for something she couldn't do.

In a situation like Wacky Warehouse or the swimming pool changing room, I would stick her in the buggy while I got dressed.

I used restraint a lot at that age, and kept breakables at a safe height, anything that meant I could reduce the number of times I said 'no' in a day (there were enough of them anyway!). Also kept one room (our living room)child friendly so she couldn't do much harm, and had a stairgate on that, so I could shove her in there and not to keep having to tell her off.

[bohemianbint]

kbaby - made me laugh re the incredible hulk thing - that's exactly what DS is like!

[fondant4000]

Nappies - use pull ups and change him over your knee - so much easier and harder for them to wriggle away

[phlossie]

This is tricky because I think 19 months is too young to really get 'no' and also you want to save your NOs for when he's doing something really harmful or dangerous, like running in the road. I reckon at this age, you need to find creative ways of getting him to do what you want (bribery, distraction) and channelling his energy. My ds has a great sense of humour (even at that age), so I found laughing and turning things into a game helped keep everyone calm. I also perfected the 'power hug' at this time! Using my arms to hold a wriggler still tightly and firmly (although I was 9 months preg when he was 19 months!).
Do you know whether you're having another boy or a girl, bb? I had a girl 2nd time round... phew!