Lazy DS

[TerrorPin]

I feel a bit guilty, I went mad at DS this morning but he didn't really do anything wrong, I'm just so frustrated with his general attitude lately and it all came out this morning .

It all started when he was sat on the PC playing on a stupid "roblox" site where they build houses with bricks or something, he's obsessed with the site and spends every bit of spare time he has on it...he also talks about it constantly, personally I think its quite babyish, he's 9.

Anyway I went in and said "why don't you do something useful and have a look at that bytesize site I told you about?" so he grumbled, said he didn't have time, didn't know the address etc until eventually he could see I was getting annoyed and put it on.

Anyway he went on the right part for his age (KS2) and got nearly every question wrong. Most were extremely easy and obvious (like colour 25% of the garden in green - and it actually told you at the side what percentage was currently green as you were doing it!). Then with the English he had to fill in the missing words and he was putting stuff that made no sense.

I got so cross with him because this is him all over lately. He used to be top of the class, was the highest reader in the class...had to have different maths work to the others because he found it so easy and then all of a sudden it stopped. He spent 1 year in a crap class and everything has gone to pot. He's on the bottom table, struggles with everything, never gets work done on time, never does his homework...

He'd finished all the reading books at school so I was advised to buy him some of his choice for home reading...I bought him pirates of the carribean and he never touched them. He asked for harry potter, started off reading it really well and then stopped. Now, everytime I send him off to read he sits there pretending to read before half an hour later saying he's finished the chapter...if I ask "what happened then?" he looks at me blankly and says "I forgot, I'll go and read it again" so in other words he hasn't read a bloody thing.

Its like all he cares about is the stupid computer. Why has he suddenly gone from one of the brightest students to one of the lowest?

[juuule]

I think it sounds as though you are being rather harsh on him.
If he enjoys "roblox" so much why have a go at him about just because you don't rate it. He could be learning lots of things through the game but things that don't tick the National Curriculum tick boxes in the way that Bitesize does. You can't always measure a child's learning.
If he was top of the class previously perhaps he's just reached a plateau in that area of learning and needs other things before he gets going again. Roblox might be providing what he needs at the moment. Forcing him to read, do Bitesize or the other things that you deem 'worthy' might just put him off for good. No harm in some encouragement, but to insist and call him lazy if he doesn't comply isn't useful at all imo.

[yetanothername]

It's probably comforting for him to do it, especially if it's easy and repetitive.

You refer to him as lazy, but he's obviously had a traumatic time and you expect him to be miraculously the same boy after it as he was before, he won't. His confidence in every aspect of his life has probably been dashed, especially in his education, and he probably feels like a failure in your eyes. His love of learning may also have been squashed out of him.

You need to rekindle the flame of the boy he was before. Instead of sending him off to do read by himself why don't you do it together, take and interest in him, stoke his self-confidence. It would probably help if you took an interest in his roblox thing as well instead of dismissing it as babyish, he may open up to you and let you know why he likes it so much, it may at least help his confidence in that you are interested in something he feels is worthwhile.

[lazarou]

Is this for real?

[juuule]

Lot of good suggestions in that post, Yetanothername.

[Niecie]

I thin you need to have a word with his teacher. It doesn't sound like he is motivated at school either. Have they not voiced concerns that he isn't performing as well as he used to? Maybe together you can get to the bottom of what has switched off in his head.

Also limit the pc game playing for the weekend. My DS would play all day but I don't let him or he would never do his homework, reading etc.

He is also under performing this year compared to last (he is in yr 3) and although I am sure he is a typically lazy boy I also think that the teacher hasn't got a clue about what he is capable of which is why I suggest going to see her, if you can.

[LIZS]

Don't understand why you are so on his case -he's only 9 and it is already proving counterproductive. Have a ds the same age and he does struggle to all our frustration. If he has done a day at school and his homework why not let him get on with whatever relaxes him ? You could always limit his time on computer and hope he develops alternative interests. ds has just finished the last HP by reading it with dh. Is he an only child ?

[missingtheaction]

This is a huge change - top to bottom in a couple of years. What happened to take him from the top to the bottom? is he still bright but lost motivation - maybe he hates being the brightest in the class/wants to fit in with peer group/got teased/feels safer being one of the crowd. maybe he only feels valued for his brain and his ability, not for his personality. Maybe he just hates it all and thinks it is pointless.

Or is he genuinely struggling academically? why, suddenly? different school/class/teacher? brain gone into early 'teenage syndrome'?

HUGELY frustrating for you - my lazy bright quiet kid drives me nuts far more than my lippy chatty boundary-pushing kid. But read back over it - i would consider taking this change quite seriously. Might be psychological, but could be hearing/eyesight/who knows what

if you want him off the computer take away the mouse and make him earn it back by reading and discussing harry potter etc. if you want him to talk to you stop nagging him and take him on a long car journey (no eye contact but no chance of escape...)

[juuule]

'a typically lazy boy'
Good grief, what messages are we giving our boys?
Give him a break.
Perhaps the teacher isn't too bothered because he was that far ahead in the first place that he isn't behind now.
Of course, it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with the teacher just to see if everything is okay at school. If it is, then I'd not be getting on his back for a while.

[Saturn74]

I see that you are new to MN, TerrorPin, and both your threads are about concerns for your DS's education and progress.

Whilst it must be a worry for you that your DS has seemingly gone from "one of the brightest students to one of the lowest", I think that perhaps you are at risk of damaging his confidence and self-esteem.

Have you spoken to your DS about your concerns?

Have you spoken to his school about your concerns?

I think it is very sad that you feel the need to quiz him on the book you are making him read, and that he feels it necessary to pretend to read it.

That is hardly going to encourage a lifelong love of reading.

[TerrorPin]

But I don't know how to interest him in reading I thought maybe the HP books were too hard for him so I bought some Jack Sparrow books (smaller) and he still wasn't interested. I took him in waterstones and asked him to choose something, he looked around the "children's" horror books and chose one about a vampire but never read it, always making excuses etc.

He lies that much I never know what is going on with him. He was being bullied all last year but tells me he has friends this year...he said he'd been playing football with the other boys every day and this turned out to be a lie.

It is consultation evening on monday so I'm going to talk to his teacher then.

[Saturn74]

Read to him.
Read with him.
One page each.
Snuggle up on the sofa and get involved with the story with him.
Buy some stories on audio CD, so he gets to love the use of language, storylines, characters etc.
And take the pressure off!

[LIZS]

Not all boys are avid readers. Sounds as if you are projecting unrealistic expectations onto him, he wants to please by choosing books but isn't really that keen.

[juuule]

Have you tried looking through factual books with him. Guiness book of Records. Comic annuals. Encyclopaedia. My eldest didn't like fiction at all until he was around 14.

[chloesmumtoo]

Oh poor lil thing. He obviously has few problems at mo. Firstly I will say you are not alone in the fact of having a ds a little obsessed with something electronic,its completly normal. My ds gets like this regulary and it is flippin hard to get them into something you wish eg educational, but you cant force it. I do also think games become a difficult cycle to break as they are rather addictive, at times I end up making extra effort to play board games ect and stop the electronics for a bit to his annoyance but to have some time together! It does improve then and you get to be able to comunicate with them again as boys do become rather unsociable! I think though in your case he is obviously having a hard time and maybe the last thing he wants is to have problems or pressures at home. He has obviously had a bit of a roller coaster time of things at schoool and reguards to his education. You metion he has been in a crap class ect does he hear you say things like that. Not having a go but just wondered if this is also a problem. Relax on where he is educationally and enjoy him. I know my ds can be a bit slap dash with homework sometimes when it suits but I do try to chat about school and be involved if posible even to sit and chat about the homework. You said about the reading problems. My ds is 11 and to be honest forward at math but not on his reading and english ect. Just to explain reguards to my ds. He knows he has to read to me for an hour a week, thats what is expected by school and so we do 15 min for four days. He wont do it himself(no interest)but it is not counted by his teacher if not read to me anyway. Probably because they know they wont do it properly alone. If you do this it atleast ensures you know he has read and it is not to much for him to cope with. My ds would have a fit if he had to do 30 mins at once. He does watch the clock for 15 mins. Also its time together again and you can chat about the story together. My ds reads and still at times doesnt seem to have a clue on the storyline. He is not behind and like I say is 11. 2 years older than your ds so dont stress about it all to much. Maybe if you can strike up a closer relationship with him again he may open up to you more about any problems ect. He obvously feels the pressure at the moment.

[chloesmumtoo]

Oh just to say I agree on the Harry Potter books being to hard, my ds found them difficult and very long. I tell you what my ds loved was the Horrid Henrys, I apreciate your ds may be above these but my ds still loves them today and although I have had to try hard to move him on, he would still enjoy reading them now. Funny and easy to follow and digest. I'd def recommend them to get your ds interested again without to much pressure. Waterstones are very helpful to and so would probably give you great advice if you had a chat to them

[HelloThereGuysOfEarth]

Roblox is not childish. It is a game for 10+ and most of the games on the website does not let you build houses. There is a lot games on there for all ages. Like role-playing games and shooter games. There is also some fighting game and tycoon ones. If you have a child, you should let them play.

[Jw35]

Turn the computer off! Take charge, he's 9! Set time limits and encourage reading by reading with him.
Sounds like he's having a hard time at school, hopefully you will get some answers at the consultation

[raccoony]

Bloody hell give him a break! You seem more annoyed about him lying to you about having friends rather than being concerned about the bullying?!

If he's being bullied then that can affect so much, find out what's going on there before berating him for playing computer games or not wanting to read Harry Potter.

[redhat]

I think you're getting a bit of a rough ride here.

DS2 is very bright but also extremely lazy. It affects every aspect of his life from school through to the state of his bedroom, willingness to make himself look presentable etc. He is also 8. I therefore do understand where you are coming from.

In terms of reading we had a real breakthrough with audio books. We read to him every night anyway but often he was tired and so we'd only manage a few pages before he fell asleep. Audio books in the car have done wonders for his willingness to pick up more challenging books. We started off with fairly lightweight but well written stuff like the Borrowers and then progressed to the Never Ending story and Philip Pullmans His Dark Materials trilogy. He has loved them and then wants to go back and read the stories himself. It's really helped his vocabulary too. Might be worth a try?

[Enjoyingthepeace]

Oh I really feel for your son.
You sounds terribly critical of him. A deposit calling something he enjoys "babyish" is actually just bitchy. About your own son.

He's young enough that you could turn it around so that he won't view his mother as critical and overbearing. But that's going to require massive effort on your part.

[KatharinaRosalie]

ZOMBIE thread people