Very Fussy 11 yr old - eating disorder in the making?? Advice??

[pollypumpkin]

Would appreciate any advice re. my (almost) 11 yr old DD. She is incredibly fussy and has a relatively narrow range of food in her diet compared with other DD's, and friends etc. I am quite at my wits' end because it seems impossible to get her to try/like anything outside her standard fare. I wouldn't mind QUITE so much but she does get very emotional about food which I think is definitely A Bad Thing and I am terrified she will develop some kind of eating disorder. Maybe she will grow out of it when she goes to secondary school next Sept? Has anyone else been through this please?

[claricebeansmumhasnomincepies]

My DD is 10 and is the same. Really only eats pasta and grapes. Has done for years. The rest of us eat normal balanced diet.

I am very keen not to make "a thing" out of it. I figure one day she will get bored and move on but I firmly believe in not making food an issue, especially for girls

I also lead by example - I don't diet, I am not faddy eater etc

[ScarletA]

I would second what claricebeansmum just said - lead by example and TRY not to make a big thing of it (more easily said than done, I know). Had a childhood friend who only ever ate tuna, peas and pasta. She is now all grown up and eats other things - but not a vast repetoir.

Heard something on Radio 4 a while back about fussy eaters - apparently there are some unfortunate people who are 'super tasters' ie they have loads more taste buds on their tongues than the rest of us mortals and so things that we think are fine are actually really horrible for them.

Just done a google and check this out news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2880471.stm - it's about wine tasting but in the article is a bit on how you can test yourself or your daughter to see if she is a super taster.

[kittylouise]

I would agree with the other posters, try not to make too much of a fuss about it. My brother spent his entire teenage years eating tuna, cheese, beetroot and plain pasta. That's it. Mum gave up trying to persuade him to eat anything else (they were some battles!) and now he eats a lot more (at the age of 20)

DD (age 12) eats a wide variety of stuff, but is maddeningly faddy. She goes from loving something to hating it overnight, I literally have to ask her do you like mushrooms/asparagus/mustard this week, before I cook. But I agree it is worrying to make a mountain out of a molehill with youngs girls and food. So I just grit my teeth and get on with it.

[pollypumpkin]

The Super Taster thing is v. interesting - will definitely test for that!

Yes, v. important not to make an issue of this. But she is very aware herself of 'missing out' on other foods and says 'I wish I liked more things' - we try to be supportive though. I have this idea that it was something to do with DD2 being born, when she (DD1) was 18 months old. DD1 got fussy around that time, up to which tiime she ate everything! Could be that the only way she could express her feelings as an 18 mth old was to refuse food. And now the psychological thing is ingrained. DH thinks that's utter nonsense - but I remember seeing a programme about a man who only ate spaghetti hoops, and it all stemmed back to babyhood when he couldn't express some anxiety or other. Am I being ridiculous?!

[DingDongTheNitsHaveGone]

If it worries you then you are not ridiculous but my dc much younger so I don't have experience of 11 yr olds. A new arrival when older child is still v.young may be difficult for older one to verbalise about though.

[InnAFull]

Absolutely agree with 'no fuss'. Though I know why you find it worrying - mine (now aged 18) is exactly the same and has been since around 3 or so, very determined in her likes and dislikes. No eating disorder as such thank goodness (her elder sister went through a bulimic phase owing, I believe, to being 'made' to eat at her quite restrictive private school) but it IS annoying when I see some people's DCs who will hoover up anything and love to try new things. I no longer worry about her not getting the right nutrients etc, she is slim and fit and strong, but I can't pretend it doesn't make family life difficult. She is at university now and refused pointblank to even consider eating in 'Halls' - while there she survives on bread, plain microwave pasta, fruit and chocolate - for weeks on end!

At home she cooks her own meals, chicken stirfries I think she has had almost every single night for years - but it's lean meat and veg after all and she likes fruit so again, I can't worry any more.

I did have a complete policy of laissez-fare with her owing to DD1's bulimia, and clearly it hasn't quite worked the way I thought it would, but anything is better than anorexia. While it's still just 'fussiness', even extreme fussiness like our DCs have, it's livable with. And IME they DO move on and try new things - but I firmly believe that impulse has to come from them - with my DD any pressure at ALL only leads to her digging her heels in completely.

[lulu25]

i think most babies suddenly become a lot more fussy around 18 months, whether or not a brother or sister happens to come along at the same time - a way of asserting themselves. so i don't think you need to worry about that. the spaghetti hoop man's father had walked out on him when he was 2 (or was that the crisps man?)

[SpottyHamster]

DS2 is the same. He is also 11 but yr 7. He has always hated ALL MEALS except pizza, chips, f.fingers. We give him our normal meals but a smaller portion & hope he tries something. I have been concerned for years cos he is so thin. BUT recently I think I can detect a change. What did it was his realisation that he had grown a lot taller but no heavier over the last 6 mos. He is really trying now and even asks for food sometimes (not veg tho'"!!) Maybe your DD will change soon, I know its different for girls, is she worried about her size do you think; or like my ds just hates many foods?

[MrsGrinch]

My dd (14) is a very fussy eater - she always has been. I don't worry about it as she eats lots of what she likes - it's just that her likes are very limited. I've heard about 'supertasters' - dd is probably one. She has a very heightened sense of smell too. She had quite a traumatic first couple of years food wise as she was tube fed and possibly her fussiness stems from that.

Agree with the no fuss approach - as long as she's eating a decent amount, just be laid back about it. I do give her a multi-vit and mineral everyday as she eats no fuit whatsoever.

[RIELOVESBACARDI]

let her eat what she likes and don't make a fuss she will soon grow out of it, unless she has other issues

[pollypumpkin]

Rie: we have been telling ourselves she will soon grow out of it for 9 years now! But looking at everyone's comments yes the main thing is to continue to really make sure we DON'T make a fuss. It's v. helpful to read all the posts that have appeared, thank you.

SpottyHamster, No, she doesn't have issues about her size (except for younger sister being rude to wind her up). She is the smaller end of average in size, and looks v. healthy. In fact her limited diet is quite healthy, she loves almost all fruit, is good with veg., will eat brown rice happily, likes cashews and those assorted seed packet thingies. Won't touch cheese or meat. Fishfingers are ok. I tried to give 'proper' fish in breadcrumbs, calling it FishFeet (!) but no luck there. The problem is everything has to be plain, she can't have anything with any sauce. It just means I have to do separate meal for her all the time which is a pain. And eating out is a nightmare. She is overly fond of sweets, chocolate etc. which does worry me - when I threatened to withhold a 'treat' pudding thing the other day because of some bad behaviour, and give just to DD2 & 3, DD1's reaction was so violently emotional and that was what prompted me to start this thread.

[branflake81]

Just speaking from experience: I suddenly became a very fussy eater at about 10. I felt as though everything tasted funny and was going to make me ill. At around 12 I decided I was going to eat healthily and cut out all junk from my diet. Long story short I was anorexic from 13 - 18. Not saying this is necessarily the case with your daughter but certainly for me fussy eating was the pre-cursor to something more serious. I would echo the other posters' comments and say don't make a big thing of it, that will only exacerbate things.

[BellaDonna79]

Your daughter sounds exactly like me right up until I was about 16, I'd eat plain pasta, white bread, cous cous, peanut butter, fruit, broccoli but if anything had a sauce, cheese, meat etc I wouldn't touch it!
I was also on the small and skinny side!
Still a relatively fussy eater now and I have never been entirely comfortable about eating huge amounts of food in front of people, mostly I think because I was always accepted as being a fussy eater, "oh BellaDonna never eats much" so I felt (and still do sometimes) feel like I have to live up to that expectation, People (never my immediate family who saw me eat bucketfuls of plain pasta at home) would comment if I did eat a lot and this made me uncomfortable!

[pollypumpkin]

Have now done the supertaster test - DD was really hoping to be one, but no such luck! Anyway it was a v. useful science/biology lesson, you can see the taste buds so clearly against the blue dye - v. interesting!

V.v. useful reading all yr comments, thank you. The idea of feeling you have to live up to an expectation re. eating habits rings a bell too - all DD's friends are so aware of her fussiness that they wd probably pass comment if she suddenly ate something out of character in their presence, which would make the whole thing worse.......

A while back there was a craze for Pizza Express parties (you know how the parties go in crazes) - this one involves concocting your own pizza which you later take home proudly in a P.E. box - well, we all got a bit fed up with the stream of 'pea pizzas' with no tomato and no cheese!