I wish my parents would help me out a bit...

[minko]

My parents are both 70 and I'm not sure if that's too old to expect any help with my two aged 1 and 4.

They live around the corner and a good part of the reason we decided to live here was the expectation of a bit of help/babysitting. But nothing is forthcoming. They have a more old fashioned view of grandparenting in that they like to see the kids once a week or so but I always have to be there - wheel them in for their entertainment then take them away again.

They have babysat in the past in the evenings but never offer or seem to realise how much we appreciate it.

I'm just a bit fed up as loads of friends of mine go away for weekends and all sorts leaving the GPs in charge. I would die for a weekend away!!!

My DHs parents live at the other end of the country so not much help either.

I really need a break, I feel so tired all the time...

[ssd]

so would I

my eldest is nearly 10 and we haven't ever had a night away, far less grandparents babysit

what can I say...................................

[chocolateteapot]

Minko, I know how you feel, my Mum is just round the corner. She never helps with babsitting etc and I end up having to do a lot of things for her which half the time she is very capable of doing. She's not interested in coming over to see my dc, we always have to go out for lunch, which gets to be a strain on my finances as well. I've found that if I give up having expectations then I don't feel bad about it. I figure it's lovely for the children to have her around and she's done the hard work of being a mother, so gets the job of just enjoying her grandchildren.

It is hard watching friends go off but you do get used to it. I think the only thing to do in this situation is for you & your DH to go away separately so you both get a break, even if it's not together.

[MrsTittleMouse]

If it was me I would just ask! My parents don't want to muscle in, so they don't like to suggest that they have DD themselves, but if I ask then they leap at the chance. And then afterwards we always tell them how grateful we are (which is true). You could always start off with an afternoon or something, if they're concerned about coping with it all, and then if there's a problem, they can get in touch with you easily, so there's a safety net for them.

[edam]

People who have very involved parents are just darn lucky. My MIL is too frail to have ds on her own; my mother is not inclined (she likes him, but is not very hands on) and my father is hands on but not near enough to babysit (and tbh not terribly responsible in a predicting and averting danger way).

You need to find some friends who will be happy to help you out if you help them out. etc. etc. etc.

[pigleto]

70 sounds a bit old to be in charge of a one year old to me. They are a bit demanding at that age. My in laws are a similar age and can only cope with one child at a time.

[karen999]

I agree with MrsTittleMouse - I would just ask - sometimes grandparents don't want to seem over bearing and kind of take a back seat (if you know what I mean) - just ask - you may be surprised!!

My mum never 'offers' but if I ask then she is always delighted to do so, and she is a childminder so you would think that she would not be so keen!!!!!!!!!

[minko]

No, I don't think I'd be surprised... it's not just an age thing either. They never - and I mean never - went out when I was little, even when my grandma lived with us! So they don't see why we should go out. They seem to enjoy seeing me suffer, well not suffer exactly, but they go on about what hard work being a mother is and then have a good laugh at me. They also joke about how nice grandchildren are but even nicer when they go home. I am sick of it.

Besides which I couldn't leave DS with them as he would cry the place down as there hasn't exactly been any bonding with the GPs.

And yet I still feel a loyalty to them. I'm always doing stuff for them and worry about moving away as I feel I should be looking after them.

[LazyLinePainterJane]

I guess it depends on what sort of 70 year olds they are. There is a woman who is near 70 who takes her 2 grandchildren to a M&T group I go to every week and she copes fine, there are more who take just 1 child. Of course, they could be more frail, in which case I would say you are expecting too much.