How do I help DS and myself control our tempers?

[scattyspice]

DS is 4 and although generally a happy lad he does have a temper (always has done). When he looses it he will literally roar with rage and hit out.

When I mentioned his latest outburst to Dh he said that he's picked it up from me loosing my temper.

I think he may have a point .

So how do we do it? How do we learn to feel cross without exploding ?

[scattyspice]

Bump please.

[pagwatch]

Because you do
Because you are a grown up. Because you remember that "temper" often means you have just given yourself permission to behave like a child.
I try to remember , if I feel myself getting angry, that I would NEVER bahave like this in front of my boss or my childs teacher or on the street. So if I am doing it at home I am just choosing to treat the people I love the most less well than everyone else.

I tend to say " I am loosing it - leave me alone" and leave the room and then go back when I am calm.

[pagwatch]

Oh and as for him you give him positive things he can do if he strats to get angry - most importantly recognising and expressing that. The ability to say " I am getting very cross" is a fantastic step as it means he can themn get your help ( and others help) to help him calm down.
When my DS gets very angry he can now express it and i encourage him to go to his room and calm down there - or go and jump on the trampoline - or go in the garden and shout . His preference now is just to go to his room and when he is clam he talks about being angry and i can a)sympathise and b) praise him for getting himself calm.
As this works with my son who has special needs it should be possible for your DS to get the idea with kindness, support and persistence.
But you have to show him what calming down looks like through your example. Getting cross is understandable. tantruming ( which is all loosing your temper actually is) is not.
Hope this helps ( from the reformed red eyed, scorpion woman)

[scattyspice]

Thank you pagwatch. You are so right.

I have always had a sparky temper (as did my mum)which I have controlled pretty well until I became a parent. Tis no excuse I know.

Your advice is helpful. The worst moments seem to arise when out and about and walking away is not an option (for me or DS). Or when I try to walk away and DCs follow me!

[pagwatch]

I used to lock myself in the bathroom when my son followed me.

[scattyspice]

you are so wise.